Am I wrong for hating my grandma?

I just found out yesterday that my grandma forced my aunt at age 15 to get an abortion from some guy that worked at a movie house. My grandma took my aunt to a hotel room to meet this guy and he gave my aunt an abortion IN THE HOTEL ROOM. My grandma picked her up the next day... The thought that a mom could do that at all really makes me angry. I know she didn't do it to me personally. It's just that she made her daughter get a HOME ABORTION. My aunt could've died! This guy wasn't medically trained, he worked at a friggn' movie house!

Then with my own mother she tried to do that too! My mom was 14 and in love with my dad who at the time was 22! She made her come to a clinic, much better than a hotel room, and tried to get her to have one. My mom struggled away from my grandma's pulling arms and REFUSED to get it done. If my mom got it done my older sister Kim would not be here today!

Am I wrong for hating my grandma now.

On my mom and dad's age difference:

Let's just say my dad is a pedophile and my grandparents didn't want them to see my mom. However my mom thought she was in love with him and snuck out of the house or skipped school to see him. I do not speak to my dad, he is a child rapist and molester. I know from personal experience. My mom divorced my dad when she found out he was raping me and my sister.

Hate is a strong word...
If your relationship was a loving one with your Grandma before you found out this information I think you should sit down with your Grandma and tell her you are upset about this and ask her why she did that. Communication is so important. I understand how much this news upset you but we all do things in life and have reasons. Try not to judge her and have an open mind. Your Grandma was probably afraid of the shame and stigma it would bring on her family (years ago that was a very important thing) and try to think of all the wonderful things she is about too..We never know why others do what they do until we walk in their shoes.
Hate will eat you up inside...
***After reading what else you added***
The pain you have suffered - this will leave emotional scars all your life. If you feel you can let it go and continue from this day forward and be strong, great...but if not I believe you should talk to a counselor or a professional who could help you to work through this. If someone, even a family member causes you pain and hurt to the point it is destructive to you, then I would say to write them out of your life as they will only cause you harm.
I do wish you a beautiful life filled with happiness and you will be in my thoughts.

no your not wrong ..but people were really whacky back then, i dont know why they were so dumb.

No.

You have to consider the time that your grandma grew up in. When I got pregnant at 17 my grandma told me that I HAD to get married. I kept on telling her that we don't have to. It was just simply the era they grew up in. And I don't think that you should hate your grandma for doing it. She did what she thought was right and I think it was best for your 15 year old aunt, too!

No. She maybe deserves some pity though. That is pretty terrible because she should be upset with herself for being a lousy mother for allowing her daughter to get pregnant at an early age. 15 is too young. I know a lot of people that did not get pregnant at such an early age or have sex. Why? Because they had parents that cared enough about them to educate them and keep on top of them so it wouldn't happen. It's hard work being a parent.

Your grandma is from a different generation and a different time. Many people in your grandma's generation were ashamed of children out of wedlock and getting divorces, and other things that are common today, so they would lie about it and cover things up to protect their family. She was probably doing what she thought was best.

Your grandmother did wrong, but does she deserve your hate? She is still your family. You need to talk to someone about your feelings and find a way to forgive her. Hate is a powerful emotion that can consume you.

Yes, you are wrong!
Back in the day, things were different and even mind sets were different.
Those types of things happened a lot.
God forgives always!

While you might not agree with what she did, a lot of parents forced their kids back in the day to either get an abortion or put their babies up for adoption because they were considered "Ruined". I don't agree with either one of those decisions. Give yourself time to digest the information and calm down before you confront her about it.

you were not in her shoes, love her unconditionally.

You're not wrong. It's okay to feel that way about someone who would unexpectedly hurt someone you're close to. I haven't spoken to my mom's mom in 2 1/2 years due to the fact that she turned in a 20 page declaration to CPS as to why my 2 sisters, my mom, my dad, or myself are not fit to care for my niece. Following, she testified against my sister in court to get her daughter taken away, all because she was manipulative to the child and we did not allow her to visit with her alone any longer. It's really hard to hate someone for doing cruel things, especially because grandma's are supposed to be loving and sweet and the person you can trust your life with. Some people can learn to move past it, my mother has forgiven her. I, however cannot. The last thing in the world I will do is put her in the position where she thinks she can take my child away. I'm sorry you had to learn that about her. But once it's settled in your mind, you'll know what action to take, rather than react right away.

i hate my grama she was never a grandmother to me so i hate her!

Yes you are. It had nothing to do with you and all parents do what they think is best at the time! All parents make mistakes, some worse than others. You will make mistakes with your children too, do you want your grandchildren to hate you for the choices you made with your children??? You don't have to like what she did, but you aren't here to judge her either!!

No freakin' way...u have every right to hate her. who in the right mind would force their daughters to get ABORTIONS i mean come on it doesn't matter how old they an abortion is just like murdering a baby heck it is murdering a baby my god.

Don't hate the old *****, pity her.

This informatin must be very painful for you. At that time your grandother might have feared that there were no safe places to go to get it done. That is why people fight for the right for women to go to a safe place where people are medically trained and the environment is sterile. Perhaps your mother would have wanted to have waited until she was alittle older to have you, even though you are a treasured member of the family, that she is glad you are here and loves you, but it can't be easy to have a child at 14.

Your Grandmother was probably doing what she thought was best for her daughters. That doesn't make it right. You should always try and forgive the people that hurt you. We all do stupid things at times. Does your Grandmother still feel the same way today about that kind of situation? Back a couple generations is was a shameful thing to have gotten pregnant with out being married and a lot of families sent away their prego daughters and then gave the babies up before the girl could come back home. She would come back home and know one ever knew why she left. Saved face among the community. Try and forgive her.

Sounds like you are not going to like any-ones answers.. So just be angry and live with it. You know anger turns to resentment, then bitterness, then hatred.. It consumes people. The reason a person needs to forgive is because it releases them from the past, not the offender, so if you would like to be bound to your pain then hold onto the anger, If you would like to be free from the past forgive her and move on.

no

in your grandmothers time that was the way it was done
a baby not from a marraige was not accepted
she was doing what she throught was right for your aunt and mom

i do not believe in abortion

question
why would a 22 date a 14 and why would the family put up with it
i wouldnt have with my daughter

nothing personal just my opinion

No, but try not to dwell on it. It was wrong, but we all make mistakes. Some just make bigger mistakes than others. I'm sure your grandmother thought she was doing what was best for her family, but she obviously didn't consider the fact that your aunt was an individual, as was the baby growing inside her. Sometimes mothers are so possessive of their children they see them as an extension of themselves and can't see how their actions are doing more harm than good. My mother is that way with her children and her grandchildren. It's made for some very stressful times.........Try to forgive your grandmother.

i agree with you,your aunt could decide by herself

Yes. You are wrong for hating her as we ALL make mistakes. Your grandma may have had her reasons for doing so. Although you might not agree with what she did, it doesn't mean you should hate her for her past decisions. I am sure she doesn't feel like that today and that situation should not have been told to you. Your mother after all was ONLY 14 and your grandma probably didn't want her to end up like that. I cannot imagine having a 14 year old daughter pregnant! Maybe you should put yourself in her position....although a wrong one, she had her reason.
I LOVE MY GRANDMA! I judge her for who she is today and the way she treats me...she has passed, but her great memory will always be with me.
Edit-
Sorry but it seems you need major help...start by letting go of some of the hate you have. That's a great start. I don't think this forum can help your obvious issues.

Are you justified in your feelings....yes. But remember hating someone hurts you alot more than it hurts them.

Wow that really got under my skin girl :( Um I think that you shouldnt hate anyone. Hate is not a very godly word. Hate is the works of the devil, people result in killing when they use the word hate. So no do not hate your grandma for who she was. Judge her by who she is today ( if she is still living). People regret things they did and they learn from them. If she has learned and is changed or trying to change no you shouldnt hate her.
And for your dad raping you that is just crazy and it makes me really upset. Your grandmother could have knew how your father was and could have been trying to save your mother. If your mother hadnt of had you guys by your dad maybe you wouldnt have been raped. You have to think about the situation from every angle before you can hate someone. If its possible you should talk to your grandmother and find out her reasons for forcing a 22 year old into abortion.

First of all, you can never have a wrong feeling. Feelings are bodily "actions" that come up from inside you. They are not under your control. They are your body trying to tell you something, and you should listen. But that doesn't mean that you have to "act" on every feeling you get. There is plenty of room for compromise between you and your body. In this case, you can't know how difficult it was for people to deal with slipups like your aunt's and your mom's back when safe medical abortion was illegal. Your grandma was put into an impossible predicament by her daughter's pregnancy. She probably felt that she was forced to take a chance with her daughter's life. And she didn't pick the guy out at random. She probably asked around and found out that this guy had a lot of experience. That's how it was done back then. And she may be silently carrying the guilt of her actions to this day. I don't know any of you personally, but most likely there is a lot of love and a lot of resentment all balled up together in three generations of your family. Instead of your making it worse by holding out on your grandma because of your perfectly justifiable outrage, try to make some space in your head for these older people's screwups. After all, they are all just human. Inotherwords, you can't force yourself to stop having your feeling. Those who think they can do that are just kidding themselves. But you will need to grow a little by living with the disappoinment in someone that you thought was more perfect than she really is. That's hard to do at first, but it gets easier. As we live, the mistakes we ourselves make along the way allow us to have more patience with the mistakes of others. I know you'll be OK with this after a while.

I think your grams made the best decision she tought at the time. Hating her will not change what she did. I think it was wrong just as you do but being angry just messes up your peace and helps nothing. the past is the past learn from her mistakes and let the anger go