Please help me with my cover letter. 10 points for the best help.?

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am interested in applying for a Human Resources Coordinator (8015) position. The skills that I have developed from work experience, training, and academic background support my strong interest in the program.

As indicated in the accompanying resume, I have recently earned the degree of Master of Public Administration (Human Resources Management) from Bowie State University where I also worked as a Graduate Assistant to the Chair for 2 years. In addition, I am also actively involved in many organizations and professional development training including the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). These experiences have given me an opportunity to effectively practice my skills in planning, researching, decision-making, team and systematic working, and organizing. I am a hard worker who is highly motivated and dedicated to accomplish tasks efficiently.

I would appreciate a few minutes of your time to discuss my qualifications. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me by phone or E-mail. Thank you very much for your time. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Respectfully yours,

Hope

You didn't address any of the points that he is looking for. What did the ad say he needed in a Human Resource Coordinator? What skills have you developed? You mention you develop them but a cover letter is the time to flush out your resume.

Is being a Graduate Assistant a high honor? Or did everyone have to do it? If so, what did you learn? If it was a high honor, how many were selected? Was your GPA high? Mention that as well. Being "involved" in SHRM seems to say you were just a minor member. If you took on a more complex role, be willing to explain that. If you don't pat yourself on the back who will?

You need to mention what skills you have to offer and answer the question of Why should you hire me? Or even why should you agree to interview me as opposed to the other 300 applications you received. You start the paragraphs well with the position you are applying for and the fact that you have the degree the position requires. But you want to be more than just bare minimum of requirements. What makes you shine?

Very sophisticated and well written. I think you should end it 'Yours sincerly' though (and obviously with your full name!)... I hope your application is successful - good luck!

I really liked your letter. Very well written. When I wrote mine I just put "Sincerely" ... full name.

I've been there, done that. Best of luck to you.

You're missing a lot in this cover letter and if there are many other people applying, you may get lost in the shuffle.

The person above me highlighted what you are missing quite nicely. You need to give more examples of things you have be involved in...that speak about you!

You also need to have a paragraph that states your understanding of the organizations...shows that you've done your research. When I first developed my resume, I went to the career centre at my university. They explained that it is always good to have a statment about the organization (ie their mission, etc) and highlight how YOU can help them acheive that.

What you have is very well written but it really lacks YOU. The person reading it must be intrigued so that they want to contact you.