i just started writing this. tell the pros and cons of it so far.
The blinds open up and the sun shines on the young girl. 鈥?Emily time to wake up. You don't want to be late for school!鈥?yells her mom. Emily groggily gets up and falls out of bed. She makes her bed and takes a shower and brushes her teeth. She picks a blue tank top and blue jeans. Walking down the stairs she enters the kitchen. She sees her mom eating toast and eggs. Emily sits down and starts to eat. 鈥?Is dad already at work?鈥?ask Emily. 鈥?Yes he had to get to a meeting.鈥?replied her mom. When Emily got down she grab her bag and kissed her mother. 鈥?I will see you when i get home.鈥?says Emily.
Before Emily could walk out the door her mom grabs her by the arm. 鈥?Emily wait!鈥?her mom almost out of breath. 鈥?Don't you think you need to check your email before you go? You know for college reason you are senior this year.鈥?Emily looks at her mom like she was crazy. 鈥?Mom i haven't applied anywhere yet?鈥?鈥?Yea i know sweety , but you never know you could get into a good school.鈥?answered her mom. Emily says ok and puts her bag down and goes to the family computer. She turns it on and goes to yahoo mail. She only had one unread message she opens the message. 鈥?Welcome you have been selected by the magical and superpower community to attend the Academy. To learn about your special gifts. You start tomorrow wait by the your front door at 8:00am and the bus will be there to pick you up. Have a nice day.鈥?The email sang to her. Emily looked at the message like it was some kind of alien. 鈥?Mom!!!鈥?yells Emily.
Her mom walks in 鈥淵es Emily whats wrong?鈥?Emily shows her mom the email. Her mom reads it and she begins to smile.
鈥?Yes!!! me and your father have been looking forward to this day!鈥?Her mom jumping up and down with joy. She grabs Emily and swings her around. Emily tries to get away from her mothers grip , but her mom is to strong. Finally her mom lets go of Emily.
Emily looking terrified and confused. 鈥?Mom what the heck going on?鈥?Her mom with her big smile answers 鈥?Emily you are now a student at the Academy that where me and your father meet.鈥?br>
Then the front door opens and enters Emily dad Chuck. " Hello Smith family. How is everyone?"
Emily mom runs into her husband arms and showers him with kisses.
"Wow what the special occasion? Did the Dallas Stars win?" Chuck says in astonishment.
Cindy smiles " No you goofball Emily got accepted to the Academy."
Chuck smiles and looks at his only daughter. He gives her a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. " OHHH my angel im so happy for you."
Emily lets go of her dad and asks " Thanks dad, but i don't know what i did to get accepted?"
Chuck answers " You know what i think it time we figure out what gifts you have." ...
This reminds me, almost exactly of a movie...
Er. Um, I think it's Sky High, or something.
My point is, that it's not very original. And it needs a lot of work on style, grammar, etc. I don't know if it's worth it. Unless you've got an awesome twist, the storyline's cliche. WELLLL...
I'll copy the document to word and edit the grammar, since it's awwwwful. And it seems loosely plagiarized.. from Sky High perhaps? I'll send you the edited copy.
The blinds open up and the sun shines on the young girl. 鈥淓mily, time to wake up. You don't want to be late for school!鈥?yelled her mom. Emily groggily gets up and falls out of bed. She makes her bed, , takes a shower, and brushes her teeth. She picks a blue tank top and blue jeans. Walking down the stairs she enters the kitchen. She sees her mom eating toast and eggs. Emily sits down and starts to eat. 鈥淚s dad already at work?鈥?asked Emily. 鈥淵eah, he had to get to a meeting.鈥?replied her mom. When Emily got down she grabbed her bag and kissed her mother. I鈥檒l see you when I get home!鈥?said Emily.
Before Emily could walk out the door her mom grabs her by the arm. 鈥?Emily wait!鈥?her mom almost out of breath. 鈥?Don't you think you need to check your email before you go? You know for college reasons, you are a senior this year.鈥?Emily looked at her mom like she was crazy. 鈥淢om I haven't applied anywhere yet!鈥?鈥淵ea, I know sweetie, but you never know, you could get into a good school.鈥?answered her mom. Emily says OK and puts her bag down and goes to the family computer. She turns it on and goes to Yahoo! mail. She only had one unread message. She opens the message. 鈥淲elcome! You have been selected by the magical and superpower community to attend the Academy to learn about your special gifts. You start tomorrow. Wait by your front door at 8:00 AM and the bus will be there to pick you up. Have a nice day!鈥?The email sang to her. Emily looked at the message like it was some kind of an alien. 鈥淢om!!!鈥?yelled Emily.
Her mom walks in and says, 鈥淵es, Emily? What鈥檚 wrong?鈥?Emily shows her mom the email. Her mom reads it and she begins to smile.
鈥?Yes!!! Me and your father have been looking forward to this day!鈥?Her mom jumping up and down with joy. She grabs Emily and swings her around. Emily tries to get away from her mothers grip , but her mom is too strong. Finally her mom lets go of Emily.
Emily looked terrified and confused. 鈥?Mom, what the heck is going on?鈥?Her mom, with her big smile, answers, 鈥?Emily, you are now a student at the Academy that where me and your father met.鈥?br>
Then the front door opens and Emily鈥檚 dad, Chuck, enters. "Hello, Smith family! How is everyone?"
Emily鈥檚 mom ran into her husbands arms and showered him with kisses.
"Wow! What鈥檚 the special occasion? Did the Dallas Stars win?" Chuck says in astonishment.
Cindy smiles, " No, your goofball Emily got accepted to the Academy."
Chuck smiles and looks at his only daughter. He gives her a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. " OHHH, my angel, I鈥檓 so happy for you!"
Emily lets go of her dad and asks, "Thanks dad, but I can you tell me what I did to get accepted?"
Chuck answers, "You know what I think? In time we will figure out what gifts you have."
There's your edit! You need a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. The writing is fine if you're in middle school. |
