I have no idea what to with my husbands family?? i need help?

Ok my husband mother is awful and i really don't like her or his sister. It was all fine at first they acted like they loved me, but I was wrong way wrong. I have been nothing, but nice to them and on my last birthday I got a forwarded e-mail from my MIL that she sent her dauthers son saying that all she wants for christmas is for him to tell her son to run run run meaning break us up. I told my mom and she got very upset, but said the best thing would be is not to say anything because his stepfather was in the ICU. So, I dropped it and kinda tried to forget it, but after that they all just acted fake around me and my family.

So we got married on october 1st and she acted like she was happy for us, but my mom said she wasn't so i wanted to find out and I called her and she said that I was the worst thing that ever happend to him and that his sister is not speaking to him because she is un happy also. Man fireworks went off with my family. hold on there are additional details

It was just a huge fight that night and my husband didn't really defend me because his mom was yelling at him on the phone and i kept telling him speak up because I heard her yelling saying that i was brain washing him and that i'm an awful person. then she just hung up. So i wrote her an e-mail saying that she is fake because she told me that my mom needs to butt out, but here she has her friends e-mailing me and she e-mailed my e-mail to all of her friends and then i got cut down by her friends.

So recently I checked my husbands e-mail looking for sally coupons and I seen an e-mail from his mother and it was another forwarded e-mail and it was saying how she is going to have a huge talk with him when he comes to visit her and his stepfather is. Then another one from his sister saying how me being married to hi= family is un happy and then an forwarded email from his cousin saying she don't like me. I haven't told my husband that i know about it and we are trying for a baby.

Hi,
I don't need any further details.
All you need to do is make the best of your life for you and your husband. Keep interaction with his family to a minimum...do not give them the satisfaction of your presence for them to mock or to be fake around in public, or family settings.
Do not play their game.
You married your husband, not his family.
It is their issues... they have to deal with them...not you.
They will eventually recognize that their actions are not sending you away and will eventually tire of their antics.
In time they might recognize your character, personality and committment to your husband.
They either end up accepting you, or they don't. That is not your hang-up....it's theirs. Once you have children, you will have the power to use accordingly to their actions towards you!

best wishes.

PS:
I wrote this without seeing (or having to see) your add-ons.

welcome to the MIL from hell club.... not only am I the president, I am also a client!

hmm whats your hubby think ?

and its not any of his family's business,,, that you too are happy and they need to quit badgering the two of you ,,and let you be happy,,,, can't they find other things to do ?are they so frigging lame and boring they have to use there time to make you and yours miserable change your phone number and your email and you and the hubby cut them out of your life for a while because it can cause you enough stress to cause conception problems as well as complications during your pregnancy if you do get pregnant and teach them you aren't going to put up with this it is a form of harassment and there are laws against it ,,,,,, once you have a baby then they might cool it some just so they can be apart of the baby's life too,,, but your best bet is not to bother them with conversation it will just pissz them off worse and show that they have the advantage over controlling your relationship with your hubby sometime in these cases the best words said are none at all ,they have there minds set your best bet is to communicate with your hubby and make a decision soon especially if you are trying to conceive as far as any more emails return them with the response here is my lawyers number if you contact me further these emails will be used to prosecute you for harassment I'm no longer putting up with your childish games and further contact will be avoided until your family decides to grow up

Confront your mother-in-law and find out exactly why she does not like you. She is extremely rude for trying to break you two up though because she should be happy that her son is happy.
Talk to her about it.

ouch, what a nasty bit of work. she should get off her high horse, as long as you make her son happy then that it all that should concern her and her family. if you love him and he loves you then you both deserve the right to have a happy life together without the harrssment like this. on that note, i think you made a mistake emailing her, this has just caused more trouble and its on paper, i dont agree with fighting fire with fire, having an opinion is fine but cutting her down as well only makes you as bad as she is and does not help to mend your relationship and also gives her more fire to through back at you by playing the whole wah look what she said to me. i think you, your husband and both your families need to get together and sort your stuff out. make sure your husband and you are on the same page before you do this, that you going to back each other up and stick it out together, youd hate to do this and then have him all of a sudden side with his mothers opinions. unfortunately both families and going to be in your lives so you might try and fix this.

WOW just stay away from them they are suppresive people and they have no right talking to you like that. They will just make you more depressed if you keep in contact with them. How has your husband handled this situation? Is he as upset as you are? Do you know why they are so mad he married you? Just stay away from them they will only supress you and make your marriage awuful if you give them the power. LOL it sounds like they are mad they didnt get to marry him first! jealous much? I know its nasty! JKKKK!!

I've been married three times. The only MIL I ever got along with is my first and that happend after the divorce!

i would say the MIL is just jealous cause she's losing her son..and i don't think she can handle it...u might wanna hold off on the baby just to be on the safe side...it'll be even hard if u do have one and he leaves ya cause of his mother then u'll be alone with more responsibilities then u can think of...maybe u should check the sent file on the emails to see if he sent them any letters back..it could be possible that he is defending u, but u just dont know about it cause it's through emails and not out loud...hope everything works out..good luck

Girl why doesn't your man have your back. U better put that man in his place. His mother ain't gots no control over him any more. U are the one that comes first and your husband needs to step up and let his moms know something. Cause it will only get worse, especially if u bring a child in this mess. I've went through it with my MIL. And having kids involved doesn't make the situation any better. I would just stay far away from them.

You need to solve this with everyone present..The MIL may be a coward and doing this behind his back and will not want to face you on this. Put the baby on hold. If it only gets worse you will end up in a divorce. I was never good enough for my ex-wife. Nothing I could do was ever good enough. It is what split us up.

Some one needs to give if not then it will become a very big problem especially after a baby. In ways that you do not want to think.

The only way for this to be resolved is for your husband to put his foot down with his family. Nothing YOU can say or do will help the situation. He needs to point blank tell his family if the harassing emails, and talking about you behind your back doesn't stop that he will be forced to cut them out of his life until they can accept you. You shouldn't be dealing with your inlaws at all unless you are being cordial and polite. If they get ugly, he needs to step up to the plate and make it stop. They love him and after a few times of him leaving their homes, or hanging up on them, they will begin to comply with hubby.

Please - don't bring a baby into the world with this guy. If he won't stick up for you now, he never will, and things will only get worse. Until he learns to tell his mother to butt out once and for all, she'll continue to meddle.

Talk to you husband about it. Express you concerns and feelings. Let him know that you love him, but if he can't or won't talk to his family then you will and it won't be pretty. I'm sure you wouldn't let your family treat him that way. If your husband can't stand up for you or defend you to his family, then you may not have much of a future with your husband. Good luck to you.

The first idea you do is with out anyone suspecting anything got to your hubby's email send his mum and email saying you need to talk she should come alone invite her to place where it's private for lunch, at the sametime be the loving wife you are and take your husband along. Give her a time that you guys find her there maybe if she sees you there first see'll act and since she acts nice around your hubby do it.

When you all seated greet even kiss her order then have your meals then ask them both do either of you have something to tell me - if the answer is no turn and say I've been totally honest in everything I've done or said and kept nothing from you except this meeting I organised it to express myself and clear things up before I have a child brought into this family because I am not having my child to be confused and not knowing who to listen to.

Like how mention your stepfather in law his mum doesn't interfear with you guys and make him feel like he should choose between the people he loves both so now you as my husbands mother what do you have to add to this does your mother-in-law mistreat you or did your ex-mother-in-law because I don't want the short end of the stick thanks.

Wait and see what happens if she starts blowing her horn stand up apologise for been civilised kiss your hubby tell him you'll meet him at home and walk off.

Good Luck

Been there-my MIL and I actually got in to a fist fight because she was doing similar things. Finally I told my husband he had to choose. I know that seems harsh, but she was making our life and our marriage hell. I told him I married him, not her and that I didn't plan on living the rest of my life with her butting in. Eventually he told her to bug off and we didn't talk to her at all for 3 years. During that time we had 2 children and she missed all of that. She eventually called and apologized and admitted what she was doing and we have patched things up, but it took drastic measures to get her to stop. Your husband loved you enough to marry you, so remind him of his vows he took to love, honor and cherish you, I know it's hard fro him to be stuck in the middle, but he is a grown man with his own family now and he is going to have to defend you, if he can't then I'd run like hell. He vowed to love you, forsaking all others , and that includes his mom and sister if they are trying to break up your marriage.Good Luck Sweeie =)

I would suggest you go back on birth control until you have sorted all this out with ONLY your husband. He must understand that you are unhappy and maybe that you know he lied, he has to be honest with you.
I can not understand why your husband can not and does not stand up for you. He has chosen to marry you and to start his own family with you.

I would suggest you cut all contact with his family, until they can be civil, don't email, don't phone, (it does work, it actually pisses them off, because they are out of the loop). Learn not to get angry around his family, DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT tell them anything about your life. If your husband does that is up to him. It is none of their business, because they will only turn it against you. And never let your guard down around her, keep it sweet, but tell her NOTHING, keep visits to their house very short.

Do you think you will be able to cope with this kind of treatment from your husband (his lack of support) and your in laws for the entire time of your married life, because I can tell you it does not stop (m.i.l. from hell for me too).

My dad didn't defend my mom at first when his mom tore into her (fallout from her being preggo w/me before they got married). He didn't know what the hell to do, one of the people he trusted and loved the most was being a complete b*tch to the other one. Fortunately he had a sister who at least told him to go comfort her.

What I am trying to say is, try not to make it a horrible thing about your husband not defending you enough (yet). He is in a horrible position and I bet he is in complete shellshock from all the fighting. But I wish you could put him on here so I could yell at him that his wife (and soon-to-be-child) come first.

Similarly, it's not great that he lied to you, but I'm sure he had good intentions even if it's so transparent a fabrication. Just have a chat with him, tell him you saw it, and tell him you just want to have good communication with each other. That is what is important and you're not helping things by keeping this to yourself and feeling hurt. Don't let this keep eating you up inside, that is not going to do you any good.

It was a bad idea to escalate the fight by calling whoever it was (I lost track) fake (even if it was true), and now you know why. It sure didn't help things did it? So don't do that in the future... it's not a winning strategy and you're just lowering yourself to their level.

I would avoid contact with his family, as much as possible. Don't necessarily turn down a holiday invitation though, just stay in a hotel or something. Don't take vacations with his family. Let your husband know he needs to defend you and that his new family comes first. I have no idea how the preggers thing is going to go down, they'll probably hate it, but you know what ... that's their problem, it doesn't need to be you and your husband's. A child is a blessing and I'm sure both you and your husband will recognize that. Good luck to you.

Comments on some of the other comments -- please don't do the ultimatum to your husband, don't make him choose, ultimatums suck even though it sounds like your mom deserves it. That's what my granny tried to do to my dad. That doesn't mean you ever have to talk to your MIL again. But give him his time if he wants it, as long as it's not unreasonable and he continues to put you first.

Re: "don't have a baby", the only reason in my opinion you would want to put this off is if your marriage is not strong (which it may not be). The inlaws and fighting with them shouldn't enter into it at all. A baby does bring stress into a marriage so keep that in mind.