Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;
Fool's love their jobs; but jobs love the freaking fools even more!
Signs Written in English Discovered Around the World (some of these are pretty funny.)
On a French passenger jet:
Live West under Your Seat.
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
In a Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today: no ice cream.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Two signs from a Mallorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.
At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own asz?
At a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live聽 together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable foods, give it to the guard on duty.
At the office of a Rome doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
At an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
At a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Strange Signs in London
Spotted on a bathroom of an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES. PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK)
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblu... From; WILLYS JOKES 8/22/06 Signs Written in English Discovered Around the World I don't know where you find these but I will be saving this and sending it to friends. It was even better than the facts about the pig yesterday. Thanks for posting this. As far as funny ads go, I get a catalogue in the mail. It advertises "Discreet Massaging Devices To Relieve Feminine Stress, complete with accessories but you gotta get your own batteries. I got a laugh out of that, my favorite fingertip massage device to relive stress has always been a man and they don't need batteries! Thanks W. you make my mornings a little better and ya don't even know. Those are great!!! The odd one out of course is the Moscow one about burying the composers, artists, and writers which is accurate but outdated, the practice having declined after the fall of the Berlin wall. If you haven't seen it before, check out engrish.com LOL So on Fridays does the tailor shop execute in random fashion?And just how far can a roast duck go anyhow???
; ) |
