How you handle your fights?

Hi there.
Can you please share with me, what do you do when you have a fight with your spouse. Scream, call names, walk out, pack your bags and run. How many big fights are normal in a marriage? How long it takes to make up? I have a problem to approach first. I am usually calm and if someting bothers me I try to communicate with my husband, but he can't handle a good communication, he gets ungry and has a loud voice, and he never appologizes . He has hard time to get off his *** and find himself a job for the last 2 years, I feel like I am drugging a teenager He went and got drunk and was end of our communication. Well we had a big fight, so I told him to pack his bags, well he did. Is it normal in marriages? I tried to be supportive, understanding, but in my eyes a man has to be working for gods sake. Am I wrong?

I just hope you don't have any kids with the dude, because it sounds like this marriage is going into the toilet.

as far as i'm concerned, it seems like you've tried everything in your power to help him along during these trying times(unemployment, communication) sometimes, you have to pick your battles and this is one you should be firm on. He obviously has problems talking to you and can't properly explain to you like an adult what is bothering him. i used to be like that too! he might have to find himself during this time, but just stick to your guns and in the mean time, just do the best you can.

what you described isn't healthy for any relationship, whether married or not. obviously your husband has anger management problems, aside from other issues (among them not wanting to be employed).
if you want to be with him and think there's a chance he could change, try marriage counseling. give him space for now. he probably needs it to figure out what he really wants and needs in life. hopefully he'll find out these include you and a job.
hope this situation gets better soon.

No you are not wrong, a man should work and help support the family!

He probably needed a boot in his a** to get him in gear.

Hopefully he will find a job once he realizes that his free meal ticket is not longer there.

Stick to your guns, don't cave in, he needs to grow up and be a man.

As far as fights go, well when we do fight, we both sooner or later get quite, I clean clean clean and he pouts, lol.

I think sometimes he picks a fight to get the house immaculate...

If financially you both need him to be working, then yes, he should be. If you earn enough to support the family and are happy to work and he is happy to stay at home and look after the kids, that's fine too. My fiance and I can have heated arguments, but we;ve only had about 2 in 2 years. We shouted, and then I cried, and he tries to leave, and I won't let him, and then usually we manage to talk it out.

that is all normal in a marriage. and you are absolutly right in telling him that. He is a man and if anything he should be supporting you! Not that you need it but dont worry I think we all pack our bags at least a dozen times and never leave and if we do we come back as long as you'll have us. But if I were you I would tell him dont come back until he has a job!

there is always going to be fights when you live with somebody, regardless of if its your spouce or a friend..... but a marriage is a commitment and the best way to resolve fights is to confront them and make sure they dont escalate to you kicking him out or harsh name calling, but you both have to have an equal part in this otherwise it wont work.

goodluck

i know nothing about marrages but i know about relationships

everyone has there off dayes they fight they scream the yell they say names they run away its all normal

just ask if you can talk about it later when you are both calmed down and cool... then camly go up and talk about it with no yelling no screaming no nothing

Yes your right. Both husband and wife need to contribute to the household. What I would like to know is what is his reason for not working these past two years. Is it because of an injury or substance abuse because you mentioned alcohol.

it is time to care for you it is him that is wrong. Time for you to move on.

couples counseling.

i usually have to talk it through, yelling never works anything out.

I simply ignore them. then my wife calms done.

simple as that.

You are not wrong. I can somewhat relate. My husband doesn't work and has a hard time finding a job...BUT he lives 2500 miles away. And it is BECAUSE he won't/can't get a job that he lives in a different state. When we fight, I get very emotional. I sometimes cry...I caught him in a horrible lie the weekend before last and we spent several hours on the phone, me crying hysterically and he just holds the phone. He says nothing to me...I have to encourage him to apologize. Other times though, I get really mad at him and he is lucky he is 2500 miles away because if he were here, I'd probably smack him/throw things at him like I did once before. You should have seen the look on his face when his "sweetie" that otherwise allows him to walk all over her got mad enough to do that. It all has to do with him lying to me...I hate a liar. Anyway we are probably heading toward divorce. If you are married to the right person, it shouldn't be this difficult and you would not feel like crap. If you were happily married, I doubt you'd be bothering to post on this board, even... Deep down you aren't happy. You could probably find much better happiness and joy in life...strive for that. You only get one life to live.

Well, your method of communication is adult and his is not.

Your view of employment is adult and his is not.

Until he grows up and can function as an adult in your marriage you're better off leaving him to his own devices. He won't grow up as long as he's got a surrogate mother in you.

As for fights, sure all marriages have fights and not all are handled in a constructive manner, even in the best marriages. However, your issues are not about one fight, they're about his maturity level and willingness to be a responsible partner in your marriage.

In your case, I'd say marriage counseling is in order. He won't listen to you, maybe a third party could get through to him. If not, let him live elsewhere until he prioritizes the marriage over his own selfishness.

Best of luck to you both.

I don't know any couples that don't fight. It is how they handle those fights that you can tell if they want to make it. So I will tell you what I think. Hope it helps. It sounds like at this point you are completely tired of trying to get through to him. With good reason. You didn't say how long you had been together or if he has had work before that. My husband is not a good communicator either. It used to make what would be a small argument into something so much bigger because by the end of it I was so mad that I was ready to say to heck with it. I actually found that what works for us or should I say me. Is to immediatly go away and write down everything that I want to say to himin a note or letter ,but can't because he is so much quicker to blow up. Usually by the time I am through I have calmed down and he has calmed down or gone outside to calm down, whatever he needs to do. Then I quietly take the note or letter to him and walk away, go to another room. It usually takes him a good ten minutes to actually read it. But I know that he heard what I had to say and we will usually talk about it shortly there after. By the way, I do agree with you about the man working unless it is agreed upon by both of you that he won't. I don't really know what you should do about that. You didn't say if he gives any reason for it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable - you have been supporting your husband for the past couple of year, it isn't much to ask him to go out and find a job to help with the income.

When I get into a fight with my partner, he usually just goes and sulks in the Rec room and plays on the computer or Playstation. I usually go to the loungeroom or a friends place to calm down.

If it is a big fight he or I have walked out on the other and gotten drunk. But we talk about it later, listen to where the other person is coming from and then get over it

the best advice that anyone has given me about marriage is this.... everyone has drama of some kind - you will never be 100% happy with anyone... the best we can hope for is that at the end of the day - can you handle the amount of drama that your mate brings you and still be happy with life....

if the answer is yes - for all the pain he brings me - this man makes me feel .........
he is worth keeping.

if the answer is no - then ....................

Marriage is not ordained by man and man's law it is ordained by the CREATOR (GOD) and lets be real God does not seek your unhappiness.

i hope you take with this make your final decision - I will send you good wishes...

you are not wrong he needs to work times are hard everything is getting so expensive i believe everyone should pitch in.you should be proud of yourself for standing up to him .