Poem: Dark Knight -- do you like it? please critique.?

When centered, it is a sand timer, when left justified, it is the handle bars of his bike -- he is a biker I lost contact with along the way:

Dark Knight
Copyright 漏 2000 Victoria Tarrani. All rights reserved.
(9907.23)

He calls himself Dark Knight
bearer of the new moon
twin of the shadows
when daylight
has lost its
breath.
I call
him
Angel
of Mystery,
seeker of my secret
self with stories untold,
beyond the places I can ever go.

Thank you all. He was a unique contact in a writing group and somehow inspired a lot of my poetry. It isn't quite right for the handlebars, and the sand timer isn't exact. I'd like to get that more perfect.

Great idea for a character awaiting animation. That rings like pure crystal in my imagination.

Hi Tori

I really like this; it has wonderful balance and leaves an on-going mental/emotional dialogue when the reading is finished; it has a life that moves off the written page and into a subliminal cerebral existence.

It isn't easy to develop characters with so few words; you mastered it. Kudos!

Thanks for sharing!

It was my pleasure. I look forward to reading more of your poetry. Anytime you need a lift, feel free to e-mail me.

Best of luck! Report It

Again, an interesting piece of work. The shaping of the poem is interesting, but I don't think it is essential to the idea you are trying to get across.

You might consider including something that would more clearly refer to a motorcycle--perhaps a reference to the noise or shape--but I don't consider that essential as long as we know what this is.

That was an absolutely amazing poem and it would seem you have more that you've come up with.....

Keep pumping out gold, there's bougt a adought it that you you could make a more than generous income were you to pursue this as a career

Tori,
I really like it. It really has a strong sense of emotion and mystery. Lots of depth too, I had to read it a couple of times and still got something out of it. Well done. A big star for you.
Steve

Perhaps not just a poem but a character waiting in the wings to be animated...I had fun reading it over and again. It changes with the pauses...good writing.

Very nice, it has a mystical effervescence to it.

Take it from a Dark Purple Knight~ I find this poem unique.

excellent, there is no more I can say besides that

you need to get this published!

love it!