My daughter showed no remorce for her behaivor so was it ok to spank?

This is the third question today about this. My daughter has been misbeaving in school and I have gotten two phone calls about it. We had a long talk the first time, and that did no good. So today I got the call and punished her by taking away the television and she is going to have to apologize to the teacher. Awhile ago she just walked in the room and told us she was not apologizing and just started saying she was not sorry, and being rude to us. So, my husband took her back to her room and gave her a spanking. We didn't spank neccessarily for misbehaving in school. We spanked becasue of showing us disrespect and not having any remorce for what she did at school. Do you think we handled it right? Whats your opinion?

Wyco, she is seven years old and was being very disrespectful to us. I am not not look for a compliment. I guess I should of added this. She told my husband to shut up and thats when he took her to her room for the spanking. This is not tolerated in our house. She has been back talking her teacher and just being very disrespectful, and its not that hard for me to beleive because she has developed and attitude here as well. Sorry for the lack of info. but like I said this is the third question about the same subject today

Yes, you handled it right. She probably should have been spanked for her early transgressions, so after she disrespected you and showed such lack of remorse she definitly earned it.

with a child like that, what is there to do? she's going through a rough time. you might wnat to 'research' the hild's activities by scheduling a parent-teacher conference and asking to get examples of drawings or other art projects to see if you can determine wht is going on in her mind. most misbehaving children just want attention from their parents when they can't get it. try the Parent-teacher conference idea and see what happens.

I think it was a right thing to do. A child needs to show respect for the parent(as long as the parent deserves it). I think if she is a teen then spanking would not be right and you should find a different punishment but yeah rather than that when you have run out of options spanking is by no means a bad thing.Just not excessive or forceful.

Every parent has there own style of punishing there kids. Yours sounds reasonable to me - lecture, punishment and finally spanking. Just remember that all kids go through a phase where they act up, and it is how you handle it that determines how they will behavior when they are teens. Good job.

>My daughter showed no remorce for her behaivor
>so was it ok to spank?

No remorse for her misbehavior?

For true remorse, she needs a developed conscience.

Maybe you need to work on trying to develop her conscience, rather than working on spanking her?
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This is the second of your questions about this that I've read. My opinion is that you don't spank enough. Other forms of punishment don't seem to be working, and spanking is appropriate for misbehaving anywhere.

Yes you were right. That is one of the best reasond to spank. (when they are being disrespectful to you or your husband). As long as you did not spank because of anger but because of a legitimate reason it's fine.

Absolutely. I do believe i would have done the same. My husband and i have zero tolerance for disrespect and i think that you did a fine job. Good luck.

yes it was, although you should've spanked her for not showing remorse for disrespecting the teacher as well, but feel no way about spanking her, she deserved it.

sounds fine....that snotty disrespectful attitude needs to go and she was pushing the boundaries just to see how far she could go and you showed her, HERE are the boundaries.

Yes!!! It's definitly ok, spanking is ok as long as you don't hit the child out of anger or frustration to make yourself feel better.

yes i think you are right this was a very good reason to spank because she was disrespecting you and your husband and that should be tolerated i think this was the right decision

When you spanked her, did that make her sorry for the misbehavior and disrespect ... or just sorry she got spanked?

Sorry, hit your children is not the correct thing to do. It just teaches them to be violent to solve situations. You really need to just talk to her in language that is firm (do not yet) and that she will understand. Question her as to why she did what she did and what is she going to do in the future to make sure it doesn't happen again. Make it clear that she has no option in saying sorry. Make her write a letter of apology and then let her know under no circumstances will you tolerate this behaviour. You said you took away the tv but is that really something of value? Maybe the computer might be a better choice or her Ipod, pick the thing that means the most. Also you need to take a look at the teacher did she over-react to the situation? Sometimes they get frustrated when something happens and if it happens again they go over the edge.
Good Luck

Maybe you guys should put a reward system together for her. My sons teacher works with us daily by sending home a note letting us know how his day was and his after school fun activities are based on how well he does at school. Both in class and on the playground. His teacher uses a star system.
5 Stars=Great Day
4 Stars=Good Day
3 Stars=OK Day
2 Stars=Tomorrow will be better
1 Star=Bad Day-Need to make better choices.

Then accordingly he will either have a great night of free play or an extra special thing to do or on the flip side he might be sitting in his room all night looking at the walls and thinking about what he did wrong and how he will make better choices...etc.
Also his school week depends on his weekend as well. But just make sure if you already made plans for the whole family that you still stick with them even if he/she has to stay behind with grandparents or the babysitter because siblings should not have to suffer because of the other.

First question: Is there a chance that the teacher may be at fault and making your daughter feel bad at school and she is just defending herself? Some teachers make it sound like the child is being bad when the teacher just doesn't want to be bothered with something the child needs help with. Also personal dislike can enter into this. Teachers are mostly a great bunch of people, but some few are selfish and harsh and show a different side to parents than they do in class with only children present.

Second question: Has your daughter had any traumatic events in her life recently that you know of, or any major fears bothering her?

Third question: Did the spanking do any good? If not, you may need to try something else. Sometimes the long talks are mostly us parents telling them something, and we don't realize that if conditions are right that we can get them to tell us what is causing the bad behavior.

Last question: Is she eating the right things and getting enough sleep? Sugar and chocolate will put some kids into orbit. We saw that with our kids. Yellow and red food colorings, etc., really did a number on them. The nights our son had ice cream were the cause of his wild behavior the next day at school. He was sweet the days after no junk foods. We learned the hard way and had the same things happen at school and home that you are describing. Anyway, I hope things are better soon.

Also, I wondered if she might be trying to copy a classmate's behavior or trying to be like someone she has seen on television?

You did what was right. I think that by first talking to her, you made it clear what her boundaries are, and then after you told her why she's being punished and finally spanking her was a smart move. I've noticed one of the answerers said that parents need to be consistent. I totally agree. If next time she bad mouths, she's gotta get it again until she gets it. Also about ppl saying that it's wrong to hurt your child, you're not. Of-course, you might not be able to do that with her when she's a teenager, that's why its good to discipline her now then not being able to anything about it later. Great Job. The world needs more mothers like yourself.

God bless you.

If you believe it was appropriate for the situation I'd say you handled it just fine. Pay no heed to those telling you that you didn't. Different children require different methods of discipline. Spanking is just one of many tools that can be used if that is what you are comfortable with. I say you did fine. As long as you also communicated why she earned the spanking and discussed with her that disrespect is not tolerated then you did perfectly.

Add- For Sam:
If any consequence or punishment works so well why do we not only use it once and then the problem is fixed? Simple. Consistency. Children learn through consistency. The same could be said about time outs or taking away privileges or even talking it through. Why continue to use them if you have to use them over and over? Doesn't make much sense to say that does it? Like with any consequence you must stay consistent. I'm just making a point, please don't take that in the wrong way.

Was it disrespect because she was screaming at you and giving you looks that were inappropriate? There
s a difference between a kid trying to reach out to their parents because they don't believe they are in the wrong and a kid who is just being plain Bratty... Maybe she took the route she did because she was scared to stand up for herself and that's how it came out... Did you bother to let her explain her self or did you just lash back the same way she lashed out at you? It's really hard to say if it was right or not when I wasn't there to know the whole story!!! How old is your daughter? What did she do in school that was so terrible? There's just a lot of unanswered questions...

It almost seems to me that you are feeling guilty for the punishment and are looking for comfort in other parents to tell you way to go!!!! I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but Give the whole story... Otherwise it just appears like a desperate plea for a compliment.

In that case... I'm sorry for the assumption... and yes your punishment is right. She needs to be shown who the adults are and be dealt with consistantly!! Hope everything works out for you guys!! 7 is awfully young to develope an attitutude like that.. Whewww... I feel for ya, you have a lot of wok ahead of you.

Some kids just don't respond well to threats and punishments even if physical. All you do is make her even more defiant.
Spanking will never work for a child like that. But talking to her and having her decide on her own what she's done was wrong will. And I don't mean talking like you are scolding her - but really talking. Like to an adult.

My sister was like your daughter since she was very little. There was no punishment my parents could think of that would work on her. Everything just made her resentful and even worse and she would act like your daugther out of spite and hurt pride.
My dad was very strict tho and that was an unfortunate clash. I couldn't understand why my parents couldn't see that all she needed was just an honest talk and nothing else. Even I could see that from when I was like 8 and my sister was 7.

In the end, I felt like I had to protect her because I admired her pride which I never had. (I just took all the spankings and corner times and all the other punishments silently for the fear of more and I still resent myself for it) When dad would want to spank her I would always get in the middle and he would spank me instead.

Not saying that it will get that far in your family, but what I am saying - some people are such free spirits from very young age and they need to be let free. Don't destroy it even if she is a little naughty and defiant. Help her get to her own conclusions and give her freedom to make her own decisions. Fear, spanking, taking away priviliges won't do anything but make it worse. Punihsment in itself shows her that you can do this because you are stronger than her. And she will never feel remorse for whatever she's done after you have done her wrong in turn.

I now take pride in everything I've done to help my sister stay the way she is. Otherwise the clash between her and my parents would have crashed her wonderful independent personality.

Although I have read a convincing number of studies saying that spanking is not helpful and can be harmful, I am not completely against it all the time. The recommended technique for a child old enough to understand verbal interaction would be to keep taking more and more away from her, and putting her in time-out. The younger the child, the more important to remove quantities of things rather than durations, so in addition to taking away TV, then take away her favorite toy, then her next favorite toy or activity - all the way down to just leaving her with the bare necessities.

On the other hand, since it is done, see if it works. Not all children are made the same, so if spanking works, you did the right thing. If it doesn't work, you didn't do the wrong thing - you were just trying to figure out what works for your kid, and you did not go straight for the spanking. You would only be doing the wrong thing if it doesn't work, but you keep that as a punishment method.

And if it turns out to not work, you can still take more stuff away from her. When all she has is a bed, clothes, toothbrush, and homework material, and has to earn back her stuff one thing at a time - maybe by going a whole day without raising her voice for each item back - she may realize why she owes you respect.