Help with situation with my daughter?

She is a very smart young lady, to begin. She came home from school today and clearly started in on my husband, her stepfather. (These two do not get along, mainly due to her becuse she does not like his authority) She asked could she go to her cousin's ( I was at work at the time) and my husband said no, becuase the rules of the house are you ask at least a day in advance because due to our side business we have to have notice on certain things. He stated this to her and her comment was, " I'm trying to be nice to you, why is everything the way you say it has to be. I could just ask Mommy." (rules are to ask both of us) She was even a little snotty when she called me earlier. Please give me some tips on how to handle this when I get home. She is 16.

She is 16... This is an age where you defiantly want to establish rules and stick with them but you should have a strong relationship with her as well. I would say you should try to be her friend as much as possible without letting her break the rules that have been set.

Remember that you can still punish and reward your 16 year old the way you did when she was younger, only treating her more like an adult (the way she wants to be treated). And make her apologize to her stepfather when she is disrespectful.

And despite what others may say...you and your husband are one and you are doing the right thing by making her obey both of you.
-good luck

If you want your daughter to get along with your husband then he needs to stop telling her what to do . You are her mother and you should be the only authority in her life . In return your daughter should always talk to both of you with respect and not attitude . My husband does not tell my daughter what to do and I don't tell his kids what to do but , we always talk with respect and we have never had a problem .

well i can see having rules and things in order to keep things flowing smooth...but is this rule really needed or is it just for your conveniences...kids are kids and things come up on the spur of the moment for kids. how many kids do you know that plan their day a day ahead of time..she is a kid let her be one it wont last much longer...good luck.....o and money and jobs and business ain't as important as kids if you don't believe me just let her die and see how you feel about this business.

My parents (mom and stepdad) were the same way. Most of the time I wasn't allowed to go out during the week. They put it to me one of 2 ways::: 1.Our house our rules. 2. Don't like it get a job and get out. She is only 16, she needs to learn to respect your husband. Tough love!! Don't give in or she'll walk all over you. (I am 21 now and turned out pretty well.)

OK..I understand your rules, but if he wasn't busy could he have taken her?

And if not, just tell her rules are rules and you have to obey them..that she can go to her cousin tomorrow..Remember..your the parent and adult not her friend!

Punish her @$$ she shouldnt be snotty to you. Your her mother, you brought her into this world. SHE SOULD BE GRATEFULL

That's it? I was expecting much worse. When I was 16 I was full of angst & my parents would be happy if ALL they found me doing was drinking or smoking LOL! She's a teenager & I respect that you have set boundaries for her but 16 is an age where you really start questioning authority & I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. She's trying to form her own opinions, she's seeing what she believes to be unfairness & she's questioning it. You don't want her to become a robot. You want her to challenge authority sometimes & question things. She has a voice & she will soon be an adult. Just calmly explain to her what the reasoning is behind your rules & let her know that it affects other people's schedules so she needs to respect that.

First, it is an error to have her step father discipline YOUR daughter... she is your daughter, she is your problem... so, hon, change the rules. She asks you, not him. As well, she is to treat everyone in your home politely.."If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all...."

Secondly, and whatever the rules, they ought to be typed out and taped to the inside of her bedroom door... kids have a memory of 2 weeks max.

Some thoughts:
It is unnatural for a child to like a step parent... they see that person as usurping their father...even if the father is/was a jerk, a drunk, a dope addict, makes no difference... kids see their parent as flawed, but perfect.... it's the way kids think....As well, she doesn't like the fact that you now have an allegiance to another man... grinds a kid. And they don't like the fact that you are enjoying another man --- and sleeping with him...... And many kids feel it is their fault that the marriage failed. Add to that the fact that most teens are selfish, and ungrateful, and you as a parent can begin to see the problem.

Obviously this daughter never bonded with your husband, and you can't force it... don't try, won't happen. His role ought always to be supportive of her 'little' problems, to listen to her, and to be supportive of her good decisions, but when it comes to permission and discipline?????? uh, no......, "Sara, you'll need to talk with your mom...." When and if he stays out, she will learn later to have respect for him, as your husband, and as head of the household. Right now, he ought only to be a benign figure... passive toward her, pleasant to be sure, but no road block. Rules, granting permission outside those rules?????That, hon, is your job.

Unfortunately you have to stick to your guns. Rules are rules and she needs to follow them no matter who is telling her. She won't like her bosses rules someday and they won't back down to her. You need to reiterate the rules to her in a motherly fashion. Have a good one on one talk about the rules and let her get out any thoughts she may have. Having somebody just listen to her may help. Being a teenager is hard enough and she probably feels like her step-dad isn't listening. Sorry to hear they don't get along that has to be rough. Stay strong thru the teen years.

I think you have excellent rules, and should stick with them and stick together. Look, she knew the rules, and was asking for you to bend them. Unless she has a very good argument, bending the rules is a poor idea. It teaches the child that she can throw a fit and behave poorly, and that will get her what she wants. In the real world, that tactic seldom works, and you end up setting your daughter up for a nasty fall when she gets out of your house.

I have five kids, three of whom are teens, and my eldest is a 17 year old girl. She asks to bend the rules fairly often, and gets turned down almost every time. However, I encourage her to argue her case, and to look at it rationally. She's becoming very good at arguing her case, BTW, LOL! However, we have bent the rules for her a few times, when we felt she had an excellent, compelling argument, and when allowing her to bend the rules was clearly outlined as a "once in a lifetime" thing.

At 16, she is pushing the limits, as all teens do. Don't allow her momentary snappishness and hurt feelings (based mostly on frustration of her desire for instant gratification) drive a wedge between your husband and you, or make you start retreating in the realm of rules. It's hard for me to see why she couldn't have notified you a day ealrier of her desire to go to a friends house, anyway.

My advice:
Stick to your guns as a united front. No surrender, no retreat, and for the love of Oaks, don't let her see she can work a wedge between you.

Best of luck!

OMG my aunt and her husband have a business as well and they don't let my cousins out much, it is sad because my cousin's personalities completely changed, they used to love coming to my house now i don't even invite them because it's such a big deal with their parents and it realy put a strain in our relationship as cousin's... so really think about your daughter's feeling...she wants to be around family, not run around the streets so you should let her!!!...you're husband is keeping her from visiting family !...you're her mom and since they don't get along YOU should be the only one doing parenting for now

She is 16. Hopefully she will grow out of it but she is old enough now to come and go (if she has her own car) within reason. I know when I was 16 and both of my dad worked I did whatever I wanted until he came home from work (around 5:30) Parents divorced.

If I wanted to go to a friends I would just leave him a note or call him at work and let him know where I would be and when I would be home.

I'd suggest focusing on her maturity. Discuss what she wants to do and give her responsibilities. If she can not live up to the repsponsibility of controlling her own life and schedule they you have to put the hammer down. She will feel more in control and less like a child.