My niece and nephew are very disrespectful, how can I handle it without over-stepping?

My niece (9) and nephew (12) are very disrespectful. Usually, they are with their parents when they're talking back, cursing, or making snarky comments, so I figure it is up to them to intervene if they see fit. However, since school has let out, I have been watching them here in my home, and their disrespect is getting on my nerves.

I have laid down the rules, but they just do as they please. I try taking away priviledges, but they still do what they want -- example: this morning after my sister dropped them off before work, I made breakfast for them. My nephew threw the entire plate away, telling me to give him a call when I had something a dog wouldn't gag from. I took tv away -- to the point where I had to unplug it because he kept turning it back on -- but then he went and plugged it back in. My niece will listen to a degree, but the whole time saying "How can you be so mean?" Mean? By telling her she has to do crazy things like clean up after herself?

I would like to be able to watch them without wanting to pull my hair out by the time their mom or dad come to pick them up.

How can I deal with this without being walked all over, but still not over-stepping my boundaries as aunt and baby-sitter?

That is not acceptable behavior. Nor is it normal for kids to even want to be that brazen.

Usually when a child acts that way it is because they haven't learned respect at home, are starving for attention and are angry about it. It's a big world -- and kids need boundaries and guidelines which it sounds like they aren't getting from your sister. That in itself can be a reason for their anger as kids are not emotionally mature enough to make their own boundaries and NEED parents to draw the line for them. When they do not see the clear line in a consistant way they try to find it themselves by testing the 'limits'.

Also, I am sure if they are acting like this at your house, they are getting in trouble at school as well. You should make that point with your sister-- not to berate her as a mother, but so she can see the consistancy in their problematic behavior.

You need to have a sit down with your sister and tell her that not only is it detrimental to YOU to be talked to and treated that way....but it is detrimental to her children and their future to act like that. If she doesn't give them proper guidelines as to how to behave, how will they ever know?

You can tell your neice and nephew that you truly love them, and wish that you could watch them, but if they behave that way, you won't be able to.

I find when working with kids, that finding something positive to say about them (when they are not acting out) goes a long way. Such as "you are a good speller, a good dresser, a smart cookie" any kind of praise that is geared specifically about them or actions they take.

Either way, your sister involved you in their lives by having you be their caretaker while she works. So you will not be overstepping your boundaries to talk to her about your observations and experience with them.

Best to you, your sister, and the kiddies.

Simple: Tell the parents that they must enforce rules of respect or else you will no longer be willing to watch the children. Then collectively come up with punishments (to be enforced in your home and at their home) for each wrongdoing. When the children get the hint that the parents are operating as a team, then they will have no choice but to clean up their act.

you need to talk to the parents and tell them what is going on, no one should be talked to like that and certainly not in their own home, those kids are over-stepping their boundaries, so i wouldnt worry about yours, as a babysitter, no one would put up with that bull

there is no way i would be tolerating this in my home. NO WAY. your sister is WRONG. not all kids behave that way. my daughter is 10 and if she spoke to me like that i would smack her butt so hard she'd be minding her p's and q's for a good long time afterward.

move the TV to another room, if you have to, or before he comes over flip the switch at the breaker to make sure he can't try to override you. IMO, it's a thousand times harder when it's not your own child. i watch my niece and she's a f-ing brat. but i do my best with what means i have. i won't spank her, since she's not my kid... but she does know who's in charge.

if your sister can't step up the discipline, she's going to have even worse problems real soon.

good luck.

Sure, kids at that age start to go through that "stage", but the parents need to establish their authority before it gets out of control.

First, you should talk to your sister and make it clear to her that you WILL NOT be spoken to or treated in such a way by A CHILD.... ANY CHILD... niece, nephew, or whomever. Let her know that things had better change.... immediately. Let her know that you are NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH IT and if changes aren't made, then you will no longer be able to provide day care for her kids.

Then, when something like the breakfast happens, you get right up in his face, and in a stern voice (not yelling) tell him that we WILL clean up that mess right now. He can either clean it now, or he'll have EVERYTHING taken away and he will still clean it. Then, when he's hungry for lunch... too flippin' bad! He can go back home to his parents and throw his dinner plate around. I'm sure, the next day, he'll behave at breakfast so he can get some lunch that day!

Good luck, man.... I don't envy you.

Stand your ground!!! Tell the parents when they pick them up that situations are taking place in your home with the kids behavior! Bad kids dont get rewarded...so, if you make a date later in the month to plan a "picnic" at the park or "water slide" day in your backyard...then they have to be on their best behavior or its going to be taken away! Start doing daily reports and let it be known its going to be given to there parents when they pick them up and if its a bad one...then proper discipline will follow them to their house as well!!!