Is it inappropriate for a friend to ask you what you want for your wedding gift?

I am having a Destiniation Wedding. Recently my mother and sister threw a bridal shower for me. A friend of mine who was at the shower but cannot make it to the wedding called me and very bluntly asked me what I wanted either something off me registry or cash or something else. She was not polite about it and told me I had 24 hours to get back to her. I don't feel it was appropriate to force me to answer her. I told her whatever she wanted to get us was fine but she wont take that for an answer. How do I handle this with out sounding mean?

Please let me add that I was not the one being rude...This friend was the one one who said here are your choices, something off the registry, cash or something else. My rsponse back was that we really do not want anything but if she and her husband feel like they want to give us a gift it should be of their choosing.

She may have been in a rush or something, and not meant to sound forceful. Or maybe she is upset that she cannot make it to the wedding but still wants to get you something. Just think of something you reckon you she can afford and that will be helpful to you and your fiance. Just go with it, thank her for the present when it arrives and forget about it!

The delivery is what was rude not the intention. Many people want to give the couple something they would use. Couples today would rather have cash instead of another object to clutter their house. But putting cash gifts only on a wedding website or invitation is considered bad etiquette.

I think you should tell her thank you for considering you and your fiance's wishes but whatever she choose for you as a present would be perfectly fine.

While it IS a bit odd for a so-called 'friend' to be quite so rude and demanding in the way she is asking you...I'd just go ahead and answer her. If you cannot think of an item, than tell her that the cash ( either a gift card or a check or whatever) would be most welcome to add to your savings for a house or to spend on your honeymoon, or what ever you choose. Just tell her and congratulations and happy wedding!!

If it were me, and I found out that you are thinking I am rude, and taken aback by my response/behavior, I wouldn't get you anything at all. Not everyone thinks and acts like you, and what was going on with her,was most likely, she was on a time limit, and had very little time, which she unselfishly spent on you, asking your preference. I would just be grateful she is getting you anything at all, and if it were me, I would never get you anything at all, or ever again, because of your attitude.

I don't think it was a rude question at all. Maybe the way she delivered it, yes, was rude. But, someone asking you what you wanted for a wedding gift is not rude. Maybe she was in a weird frame of mind, and had a ton of stuff going on, who knows? Take it with a grain of salt, and just tell her to get you something from your registry.

No, not from a friend. This happened with me, too - a friend just asked straight out what we wanted/needed - so I said a sheet set, double size - and she bought us a lovely set.
I, like you, always said "whatever you choose for us is fine", but some people just are straightforward and really want to get something you will really use.

call her back or email her and tell her what you want...its not that hard....this time of year is frustrating for some people. My son just got married last weekend. We have received 14 wedding invitations, not counting shower invitations for friends this spring and summer...after awhile when you are not the one getting married it gets alittle too much

She was wrong, but you should forgive her.
Your answer should have been, "Please do not feel you must bring a gift."

Also with the costs of destination weddings to the guests your mother should be shot for throwing you a shower, which is "forcing" people to buy you gifts.

No, I don't think it is mean that she asked you want you wanted, but the way she asked you wasn't the best way to go about it. I would just pick something and tell her what you want or tell her you want the money and leave it at that.

Just tell her what you want! She probably just has a pushy personality and is pressed for time (work etc) and doesn't want to have to mull over what to get you. Just tell her to get you something off your registry in her price range and be done with it. End of conversation.

Some people try to be nice, but come across sounding rude. I do believe she is at least attempting to be nice.

Just tell her you would love something off the registry. Then send her a thank you and maybe a little trinket from Hawaii.

Good luck and congrats!

i don't know...just be thankful she wants to get you a gift. all my friends asked me what i really wanted...they didn't give me a time limit, but maybe your friend has a lot going on and the money to spend right now. we'll never know other's situations...

I would advise her kindly that you appreciate her generosity, but she doesn't really need to get you anything. Her best wishes for a happy marriage would be happily accepted however!

That is strange.. I'd tell her to get something off the registry so it's still a surprise! I'd ignore her odd behavior, unless it should happen again, and act surprised and grateful... or something like that :)

tell her she really does not have to get you anything that her being happy for you is enough. Kill her with kindness because if someone came at me like that I would not want anything from them.

Don't say anymore, because of the way she acting about it I wouldn't want anything from her.

be bunt back and tell her you want what she wants to give and you expect nothing.

just tell her what you want .. That simple!

I would just give her an answer. Several people asked me what I wanted as a wedding gift, and I directed them to my registry; one of my friends then asked if I would mind if she got me something else, as she didn't see anything on the registry that appealed to her as a gift giver; I was not put off by it at all because this is a very good friend of mine and we're known for getting each other "quirky" gifts - she asked me this question not to be difficult or rude, but to kinda get my "permission" to get a quirky gift this time, too. I of course told her it was fine to get anything she wanted, and she ended up getting a small gift off of the registry as well as a personalized gift of her own choosing. I suspect that your friend simply thought that your relationship was close enough for her to ask such a question; perhaps you over-reacted a bit? My parents-in-law also discussed the wedding gift with us and gave us several options; they ended up giving us $5,000 cash, which was fine by us.

Wow, what's with the attitude on lylenas? One look at her profile made me laugh.... "About me: It's a wonderful feeling to help people. That's why I became a caregiver, and that's why I try to answer questions, that, hopefully can shed light on someone's problems and can help make them feel better. When everyone's happy, I'm happy." lol, she really shows this in her answer! (Are you "happy" today, lylenas?)

Anyway, maybe she's just PMSing (: lylenas, you too??? :). If she still has the same tone when you speak to her again, then just tell her a gift isn't necessary or to give something from her heart.

When someone asks you what you want as a gift you tell them something that you would like to receive. It is perfectly appropriate for her to have asked you what you want and it was not really very good of you to answer"anything will do" Of course people know anything will do but if they ask they want to get you something that you really want or need. It is not right of you to be upset with her. You need to just tell her what she can get for you instead of this "anything will do" answer. I hate it when people say that. If I knew what to get for them I would not have asked them. Who else should she ask?