7 year old girl question?

My daughter is in 1st grade and has a ton of "best friends". She is much more sociable than I ever have or will be - lol. One of the social groups she belongs to calls themselves the BFFs (Best Friends Forevers). All girls, and about 5 or 6 "members".

Anyway, she wrote on a piece of paper at home about hating such and such a boy and one girl in her classroom. All in all, I think there were 4 boys' names and 1 girl mentioned. It was signed, my daugher's name, member of the BFFs.

I was disturbed by this for a number of reasons. I don't like any exclusion of any kind, I don't want her to be swayed about who she likes or dislikes by any group of friends, and I don't want her using the word "hate" to describe anyone.

I talked to her about the note and she was soooo angry with me. The tears flowed for about 15 minutes.

Has anyone ever dealt with this type of problem before? What was your solution or at least, how did you handle it?

I don't want her to be a snob.

I am sorry but that reminded me of the movie Mean Girls. I would ask her to put herself in those children's place, would she like something like that to happen to her? She would say no, and then I would ask then why do it to them? Then you can go on the be nice to everyone policy and treat others the way she wants to be treated. This is what I do with my children.

My friends and I had a club a little like your daughters. My mom and dad were fine with it. Every ones parents were fine with it except one girl. Her parents are way to over protective and they made her quit the club! We all thought that was lame. We still have the club and when people ask if they can join we just say that we don't have a club. I think your daughter and her friends should keep it on the Down Low. I hope this helped!


-Tara

She is being 7 years old. Your child isn't going to like everyone she comes into contact with, and she shouldn't HAVE to. What she is basically doing more than likely is going along with the rest of her group. She is finding where she belongs in the pecking order. My "soulution" is none...leave it alone she is learning it for herself.

kids will be kids. and girls will be girls. but that sounds a little extreme. i would talk to your daughter about the situation. being a child, its very upsetting to be teased or ganged up on. just tell her why its wrong. and if it happens again, you may need to punish her.

you handled it well, it will get worse, 9 year olds are not a lot of fun either. I would be filling in the teacher on this too so it can be dealt with at school too with these other little "treasures"

hate used to mean something, but it doesn't any longer. And even if she is a part of a club she still has a load of other friends. 7 year olds are alot older nowadays as well. She allready know what's private is private so you may want to keep the fact that you read it private and just say "So hun, how are you're friends at school, anyone you don't like?" or something like that.

It's probably good to be a part of a club at this age, she could be forming life long friendships, or if it doesn't work out then oh well, it's elementry school.

ha ha ... sorry - it only get worse from here as she gets older (mine is 11). It seemed that in K and 1st, 2nd, it was easier and they weren't as clicky. But now it seems worse. My daughter was in tears often this past year because of one particular girl and told everyone who they could be friends with and who they couldn't. I've tried to teach her that she doesn't have to like everyone, but I will be very disappointed if I find out she has teased someone or excluded them, but I don't think this has had alot of effect. Good luck !!

Ugh...

Whatever you do, DON'T consult your child about things that are meant to be private! This is one of those "no-no's" of parenting, and you should always, ALWAYS remember this.

If you're going to approach her, do it in a subtle manner. "How is school, honey? How are your friends? Is there anyone that's mean to you?" If your daughter has something to say, she's going to say it. If this is a private thing just for her and her group of friends, then let it be.

If you seriously have a problem with the people that she is hanging out with, just talk to her about it. Coax her into releasing information to you, but for the love of god, don't go snooping around.

If there's any advice that I can give you, it's for you to single out this person who she wrote that she "hated", and say something along the lines of "Oh, this boy seems so nice, do you like him?" At this point, she'll either say something like "Eew, no, he picked his nose and ate the booger, I hate him!", or something more along the lines of "Sure, I guess..."

If she says the former, you know why she wrote what she did and you can sum it up to children's silliness. Explain that "hate" is a strong word to use, and just advise her to be aware of that.

If she says the latter, you need to say something like "You don't seem so sure about that" at which point she will either spill the beans, or refuse to devulge more information.

I'm sorry if my amazing amount of writing has been too extensive, but this is a situation that I feel quite strongly about. Just remember that everyone needs their privacy, and keeping that sacred is more important than some petty little prejudice that probably won't last more than a week.