LISTEN UP PEOPLE (joke)?

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.</ b>
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

lol i love:

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

took the hammer away from the midget . love that one

LOL!!! Since I am terrified of flying and don't do it if possible, I can laugh hysterically at this!! Too funny! I love the "straighten up, fly right, and be serious" part!

Thats funny really funny =-)

It sounds a bit the mental health industries attitude.

Wow I'm really surprised with the previous answers. Tough crowd. Man I laughed at nearly every one. Nice to see something new. star

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

THATS HI-LARIUOS!!!

I love that. One of my best friends works for UPS and he's seen those type of sheets. Hilarious. He couldn't stop laughing!! TY!

That's hilarious! I love that list!!

LOL......Funny!!!

Me neither!

damn midget

Whats worse is the parts are not made in the USA.

WTF?

Wow, sorry for all the rude people!!!!!!!! I absolutely love that! I got in in an e-mail a while back!!!!!!! Thanks for giving me a good laugh that never get's old!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!

I read it.

Here's my question: Who would read that?

Wow. That was FUNNY!! I love it. Do you have more?

thats funny thanks

wow

lol

lol, i love the last one...
hehe. i cant help but still laugh.
and to those other people, dont be lazy!

Wow, these are actually for real? I laughed so hard... this gets a star.

i'm not reading that.. and i bet nobody else will either.

I ain't reading that mess!