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Desperate Love, My Sestina, Care to comment?


Sestina
A sestina (or sestine or sextain) is a highly structured poem consisting of six six-line stanzas followed by a tercet (called its envoy or tornada), for a total of thirty-nine lines. The same set of six words ends the lines of each of the six-line stanzas, but in a different order each time

I walked up to your window pane
You put your hand on it
And I did the same
But that look in your eyes
I could see something not right
You said that 鈥淚 don鈥檛 love you no more鈥?br>
You said that 鈥淚 don鈥檛 love you no more鈥?br> My hand still there but my body is in pain
I don鈥檛 understand I thought we had everything right
My minds a mess don鈥檛 think I can handle it
You need to see with my eyes
To see that we both not feeling the same

Is that it, is it because were not the same?
That you could say I don鈥檛 love you no more?
Do you really mean no more you and I
I need to write a message on your window pane
Before you say 鈥渓ets forget it鈥?br> I hope you like what I write

鈥淗ow can I make this right?鈥?br> This love, dosen鈥檛 have to stay the same
Why don鈥檛 you take some time to think about it?
Its wired, but I think I love you more
Don鈥檛 take your hand away from the window pane
Just take one long look into my eyes

Can you now see, that there鈥檚 tears in my eyes?
For a man to cry do you think its right?
Can you understand my pain?
Tell me for you, it鈥檚 the same?
I understand that you need more
If you give me another chance we鈥檒l make it

I鈥檓 promising right now we will make it
Take one more look in my eyes
You will see I want you more
For us to part now, it cant be right
In my heart, I feel you want the same
Don鈥檛 take your hand away from that window pane

Keep your hand on that pane and look in my eyes
It don鈥檛 have to end we can make it right
We are the same we both want more

My other Sestina, Please feel free to comment

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Structure...incredible!
Delivery....superb!
Tone....magnificent...!
Meaning.....possible 2.

WOW! For a structure so complicated (to me...), you have delivered a beautiful, enigmatic poem in the blush of the pathos of love....wow!
But, is the other person really there, or is it you talking, wishing to yourself?
Either way...you got my attention to the very last word!

I honestly can't read it and process the words as poetry..I process it as a love letter. It comes across as either a hint towards a brake-up or divorce or confirming a relationship that needs to be grounded through marriage..It sounds like a personal dilemma.

Once again very good, you are becoming my favorite poet. At least one of them. Very complex structure, and what a deep emotional message.

Mighty complicated form for an ancient warrior to try to keep up with, but you seem to do it well, good job.

i dont understand what a sestina is but omg...that was so good...and no its not right for a man to cry!

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