My fiance's ex is causing problems & putting their 5 year old in the middle. What can I do?

Last night we went to their son's soccor game & she flew off the handle because I was there. She came storming up & got in my face & said "you can't be here, you're not family". I was there to support my fiance's son. We moved to get away from her several times & each time she followed us & got my face & was calling me names. This is the first time in over 2 years that she's EVER talked to me. I've tried having conversations with her before & she just hangs up. She's being a bully & she's doing it in front of her son. She's teaching him it's ok to be that way towards people. I don't know what to do. My fiance has tried talking to her about her behavior & she just laughs at him. We had to leave in the middle of the game because she was causing a scene. It's not fair to his son & it's not fair to me. What can I do to make her stop her badgering in front of their son???

I am sorry that you are in the middle of this, but the fact is, you can't do anything about it at all except stay out of the picture at family events.

While she may be acting irrationally, the child is the product of her relationship with your fiance. If it makes her uncomfortable for you to be there and this descends into problems for the child, you need to be the bigger person and step back. While you may want to support the child, all that you are doing is making a public "claim" to your fiance.

Try to remember that there are two sides to every story. Your ex will only give you the version that looks great for him. The ex will most likely see that she had a husband (or fella anyway) and a child and the beginning of the fairytale. Every time you show up at events, especially events that are family (as in HER family) you are basically waving a flag in her face saying "ha ha i have your husband, he's mine, and I am acting like a Mommy to your child too!" I think that if you step back you could see how very upsetting this must be for her.

As long as you are kind and respectful when the child comes to your home, there is no need at this point to make your stand at her child's events. While it is true that the child is your fiance's too, the child has nothing to do with you at all and you need to step back.

You can't control her. You can only control you. So she's teaching him that people can be mean and witchy to others? What lesson do you want to teach him about dealing with those kinds of people? Because he will run into them in life. Maybe strive to handle her by politely standing your ground. Like the soccer game, when she confronts you calmly say you're here to cheer for (kid's first name) then set up your seat and proceed to do that. If she throws a fit that's her spectacle affecting how people see HER. If they see you calmly cheering for the kid you came to support that's how they'll see you. Teach this kid that you can have grace and style under pressure.

That's a tough situation!! Are you comfrotable with any of her friends or family that agree with you about her irrational behavior? Maybe you could try talking to one of them and have them speak with her or all of you could talk together. She is really immature for acting like this in the first place, but epecially in front of her son. Next time at a game or something maybe you could try to stay as far away as possible and avoid her at all costs. Just be persistent and don't give up, hopefully she gets used to it!!

I don't see why YOU leaving a child's soccer game would be unfair to the child. As for it being unfair to you...suffer, the child's mother was right YOU are no relation to this child yet. I'm not saying her behavior was correct, however if you want to avoid such situations then just stay away from soccer games, school events etc. until the day you actually become his step mother. Your fiance is the child's father, if he chooses to attend these functions then he should do so without you until you are married.

This is a very difficult situation, one I have personally found myself in and it can be very frustrating. Your fiancee's ex obviously has issues with you, and whatever they are, she needs to learn to deal with them, and she needs to realize that you are here to stay, and that no matter what she tries to do, you are not going to go away. My ex-husband and I have a 12 year old son together, and we have been divorced for a little over 6 years. He has re-married and so have I. It has just been within the last year or so that that has new wife has finally realized that I am absolutely no threat to her and that there is no way I would ever want to be back together with my ex. But prior to that, she was hell on wheels. There are a couple of things that you can do and you may have to experiment and see what works best in your situation. You can try not going to events with your fiancee where you know she will be, and instead let him go by himself. But I wouldn't necessarily recommend that, because then you give her control over everyone's life, and it sends a message to her that she can continue to bully people and get what she wants. Is it possible that you can get a restraining order against her so that she cannot come near you and has to keep a certain distance from you? I'm not sure how your fiancee would feel about that or if you would want to go to that extreme, but it may be an option. Another thing you can try is when she starts throwing her tantrums, just completely ignore her; don't acknowledge her, don't respond to her. Just keep on watching the game or whatever it is you're doing, and pretend that you do not even see her, and act like she is not there. If she can't get a reaction from either of you, she will eventually become bored and stop the charade. Besides she will look like an a** in front of everyone else while she is standing there throwing her tantrum and being completely ignored by you. This is what I did with my ex's new wife and she eventually got the message. Your fiancee needs to take a stronger stand with his ex and let her know that if she does not knock it off, he will file a restraining order against her. It is really sad when people act like an a** in front of their kids. All you can do about that is just try and show his son by your own actions that that is not the way to act. In time his ex may come around when she realizes this is a battle she can' win. In the meantime, it will take alot of patience on your part. Best of luck to you.