Family problems - How do I handle this situation as a parent??

My niece & my daughter are the same age. Both 20.
Both freshman in college. They don't really get along and never really liked each other but tolerated each other.

My niece failed out of college. My daughter told me that she thought my niece failed out my niece's boyfriend because she saw something on this site called "facebook" about it.

My sister called me the next morning and told me that it was true. My daughter asked me to keep my mouth shut about what she told me the night before but I told my sister we had a feeling she may have been kicked out and that my nieces boyfriend may have been kicked out as well.

Well, my sister told my niece that my daughter knew and now she deleted my daughter off of facebook my niece's boyfriend was yelling at her and my niece.

My daughter got up crying this morning and wants nothing to do with my sister's side of the family.

I will admit, my sister's side of the family is a bit arrogant and doesn't treat my daughter right all of the time.

They feel my daughter is inferior to them because she has a learning disability.

Even her youngest son treats my daughter like she is 10. He is 14. It really seems to bother my daughter.

My daughter has low self esteem as it is and was picked on during her younger years very badly and harassed since she was 8-9 years old.

Now...my daughter wants NOTHING to do with my side of the family and is really upset. She told me "even my own family hates me."

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation.
She's angry with me as well.

what can I do as a parent??

You should have listened to your daughter, when she told you not to say anything, which is why she is so angry with you. Apologise to your daughter for what you did, and if she doesnt want anything more to do with your sis and her family, then that is her choice, tell her you will support her decision, and not force her into seeing them if she doesnt want too.

just empathize her..make her realize that you understand what she is going through & would be supportive of her, no matter what. After all, you should realize that time is the healer.. just give her some time to recover & be supportive. That's all she may need from her family- the support & sense of being a part of it

Stay out of it and let them work it out on there own afterall they are both 20 years old, time to grow up.

Your daughter is NOT at that age when everything is either black or white. You should have listened to her. Kids nowadays have their own world as far as the latest technology is concerned. Facebook, myspace, friendster, flixter, multiply, myblog, etc. is one way of meeting new and old friends. Literally don't let yourself get ruffled by every circumstances and situation like this one. Let her handle it herself.

Nobody can blame your daughter for feeling like outcast in your family (your sisters'). Don't you have any idea or know how difficult it is to deal with a perfect Aunt who has set such high standard? No amount of cajoling and reaching out can overcome your daughter and your sister's family differences. You just have to keep on being her Mom.

Ain't nothing you can do about it! Just be yourself and maintain your level-headedness and kindness toward your daughter, your sister and her family as well. The tallest bamboo bends the lowest, so goes an old saying.

ravishingV

Wow! I think the first thing you need to do is to tell your daughter how sorry you are for betraying her trust and confidence. That's exactly what you did, you know.

Your daughter showed excellent judgement in asking you to keep quiet about it. She didn't want an ugly scene and she knew what would happen if you repeated what she told you. Now, because she confided in you, she is being verbally and emotionally attacked. How awful!

You call your sister's side of the family arrogant. It seems you really wanted to knock them down a bit. You say they don't treat your daughter right all of the time. Obviously, neither do you! You betrayed your daughter to hurt your sister's family.

You are standing there with a glass turned upside down and asking for advice on how to keep something in it.

1/ As a parent, you should never betray your daughter's trust; not ever; not for any reason.

2/ If you can't keep a confidence, warn her ahead of time.

3/ Stop taking cheap shots at your sister's family; it's childish and hurtful and just plain mean.

4/ Stop telling the world (even us) that your daughter has a learning disability. She is now in college. Hello?? Do you want her to be dependent on you for some reason? Do you want to hold her back?

5/ You have some serious issues. You should speak to your niece and explain that your daughter meant no harm. Tell her that she mentioned the situation in confidence and you blew it! Take the blame because it really is your fault.

You want to be a better parent? Start with respect, find some tolerance and maybe even some love in your heart for your sister's family, and stop using your tongue as a weapon.