How can I respect my husband again?

He cheated on me about 2 years ago when I was pregnant with our second child. Not only did he cheat, he left not caring about leaving his newborn baby let alone me...in his words he fell out of love.
He came back about 3 months later asking for forgiveness, deep down I let him back into our lives because I still loved him and because of the kids and because I do believe people deserve second chances.
Four months after we were together I couldn't handle it, all I could think about is "what did he see in her that he didn't see in me?" so I cheated on him...maybe to spite him or to feel better about myself. He never found out about it.
I still think about it from time to time, but when I do...I think that I did it too and I feel better.
The trust and respect is gone. I do love him and would do anything for him but still...it is what you call a stain on our marriage. Will I ever be able to respect him again like I used to????????????????
How can I truly put this nightmare behind us??

I believe you didn't enjoy the affair you had at all, as it was out of spite. Sounds as though it is not in your nature to do such thing.
He cheated 2 years ago, I doubt you are going to ever truly forgive him. Things may never be as once was, although you can still find happiness through all the good points of your marriage.
I would normally say "leave him", however in your case it seems you both love each other deeply and are willing to work at it.
Try to put it behind you and realise that this happens in many marriages, the difference is that you found out.

It was just sex, nothing more. Try to see that it was an emotionless worthless mistake he made and makes no difference to his love for you and your family.

If it makes you feel better, tell him what you did, let him experience the hurt and betrayal.
This will either have him in remorse and value his wife or it can backfire because some people know how to dish it out, yet can't take it in return. This would be a gamble.
You know what his personality is like, so you decide.

Marriage counselling is a must, if all else fails, give it time as time heals all wounds.

Best of luck to you.

We do a lot of things for the people we love and even put up with everything they do to us. In my opinion, I think that you need someone better who you can trust and feel comfortable with, someone who can treat you right and will not cheat on you. But if both of you are still in love, maybe you should tell him what you did and if he forgives you, (like you did to him) you two should consider marriage counseling to improve your relationship and be able to trust each other again...

Oh, man
This is trouble. I made that mistake in a relationship and once the trust is gone, it's over baby.

Wish it could be different, but it never is. I adjusted to be a more honest person and the results are 50/50. Mabye people just don't want the truth, or, ignorance is bliss.

I think men are naturally somewhat likely to cheat. Some kind of instinct.