My Mother Is Driving Me Crazy - Please Help?

I am 33 years old and my Mother is 64, I am an only child and Mum lives alone, never married and lived with my Nan until she died 10 years ago. I haven't lived at home for 10 years and am married.

Mum relys on me heavily, I see her twice a week (I live 20 miles away) but every day I ring she is so negative and gets argumentative if I tell her to try and be happy, saying you don't live alone, you don't know what it like to be lonely etc etc.

I try and encourage her to make friends, go new places and try volountry work but everytime she trys something new, ther is someone there she dislikes and gives up on it.

Mum suffers from depression and a mental illness and lives on anti-physcotic drugs but she is driving me crazy, every day if I don't call her at a certain time, she rings and rings and then is awkward on the phone. I try and do my bext for her but it's never good enough.

What would you do, how do I handle her?

This must be very mentally exhausting for you.
Firstly, don't tell her to try and be happy. Accept that your mother is never going to be happy - that's part of her illness. But you do need to check on her safety and well-being. Arrange with her what time you are going to phone next - make it a realistic time that you can manage unless an emergency crops up and make sure you stick to it. Keep encouraging her to find activities to get her out. Is there a be-friending service in her area, or a local Mind group?
It sounds like your mum and nan were fulfilling carer roles for each other, and now your mum is really lost without that support. Has she had a re-assessment of her care needs since your nan's death?

I would keep my contact superficial. I wouldn't take on her depression and negative feelings of others. I would also say that I am cutting down my call to her since it is taking a toll on me, like to 3 days a week. Then I would unplug the phone so I don't hear it ring. If I wanted to talk with others, I think I might have another phone (cell is okay) to have people call and not give the number to my mom. I wish you luck.

Just keep doing your best, you can't do anything more. I know you feel obligated to make her happy but it sounds like unless you were living right underneath her, she won't be satisfied. You can't make yourself miserable trying to make her happy. Just try to remember that she won't be around forever and cherish the time you two have together. Good luck and regardless of how she makes you feel, you ARE doing a good job and being a good child.