Marriage falling apart because of children's discipline issues.?

My husband & I have 4 kids. We can't agree on how to discipline them. As 3 of them are boys, he feels when they have a smart mouth or beat up on their sister, I should get physical with them. Yesterday I got a call from my daughter saying that her brother hit her because she wouldn't move her feet off the couch. As I was in the car driving, I spoke with both of them & said that the conversation would continue when I got home & it did. When I spoke with my husband on the phone he started yelling & telling me that I should have knocked my son to the floor, as maybe that would knock some sense into him. When he got home, the fireworks flew. He yelled at my son & when he wouldn鈥檛 apologize, my husband grabbed him by the hair & shoved him to the floor. He told me that it is my fault because I don鈥檛 raise a hand to the kids more often. He says if I was a better parent I would have a handle on my kids & I should get a better plan, because he wasn鈥檛 going to stand for their behavior.

Just to clear up something, usually my son is pretty well behaved. He had a bad day and was defiant. When the twins were younger I would tell them we are going to have a "special talk" and they knew it was going to be a punishment (usually a spanking) when we got home. I've been told that on the whole my kids are very well behaved, polite and respectful. I think the situation the other night got out of hand, too many tempers. He was grounded for what he did, no stereo or PS2 in his room for five (5) days. That still doesn't excuse the fact that my husband got carried away and I don't like being in the middle of that kind of situation.

Your husband is not disciplining these children he is abusing them. And if it continues they will learn to be abusive. Well actually they already have haven't they? Children who get hit, hit others. Children who get yelled at, yell at others. Not only that but the more they get hit and yelled at the more they will need to be hit because they grow immune to it. Also this type of abuse leads to so many emotional problems--depression, anorexia, poor socialization........just a few of many.

You are a good parent, he is an abuser. He needs to quit and soon. I suggest a parenting class and counseling. If he won't go, get those children away from him before more damage is done.

With seven children believe me, I have given more than a few spankings, time-outs and groundings. But always in a controlled and logical way, not with a lost temper and anger. That is discipline. Discipline teaches, punishment and abuse hurt.

The discipline skills should of started along time ago.
Maybe your family should go in for family counceling.
Useing physical force could be croeed over a line of abuse.
But the kids also need to LISTEN, obey .
I'd try family counceling. Learn new disiplines. Take away priveldges. It sounds like your both not even home, so taking away priveledges, probably wouldn't work if your not even home.

get a babysitter when your not home.
get counceling
before abuse is taking over.

Your husband is abusive and you should not allow it. Children are not meant to be hurt like that. Siblings fight, there is nothing you can do about that. But a child hitting another child is much different than a full grown man hitting a child. If I was you, I would document the abuse and get out of that relationship.

well yeah you should try to be more harder on the boys and tell them if they don't start listening that your start to tak