Advise on Marriage..when husband keeps trying to change you to his ways, while completely lost himself?

Hello People,
this is probably geared more towards women, but guys are welcome to share their opinion.
Here is the deal....my husband is a perfectionist by nature and for many years critisized me for the smallest things. Down to the loundry not being taken out of the dryer on time, or my garden not weeded properly (all though it is my hobby and not his) As years progressed, so did his drinking and with it critisizm that spilt over in front of family and friends. I often asked him why he is with me if he didn't love/like me. The answer was always the same.........I do love you, but I want you to grow and you can be so much better! Eventually the alcholo took over him completely, and by the time I was taking care of our 6 month old infant, he was hugging the toilent throwing up most nights. by the time my child was 1.5 I was back to work, and unable to handle the madness of emotional abuse and ctitisizm. I called it quits, he finally acnowledged the fact that he

is an alcoholic and promissed to get professional help. 6 month ago he went through rehab, and became a normal man again. He still refused to find a full time job, and I was pulling all the weight. Then slowly it started again.....him telling me that I should not want and need the things I do. I should not read my mags, or visit yahoo groups since it is not self improvement. I screamed divorce again, and said that I believed he was back to drinking...............he was and the next day ended up in emergency room with overdose. We both want our marriage to work. I do love him , but this weekend we are going to a couple's workshop retreat for those who are on the brink of divorce, and instead of going to AA meeting last night, he was back on telling me that I should change my ways, and if I do, we'll save our marriage and be happy. I am a very grounded person, i know what I want from life. He tells me that I am bitter and angry. All I see is him trying to adjust me to his way of seeing

You are as far from a grounded person as I have ever seen! You can not love a persons potential! How can you love a man who constantly tries to change you and does not hold down a job himself? How can you love a person who criticize every move you make?

The problem is not with him, it is with you! You taught him how to treat you. You have allowed this to continue. You have supported his lazy *** while he is drinking his life (and yours) away. He is NOT a perfectionist! He is a drunk who finds fault with everything everyone else does EXCEPT himself! That is NOT a perfectionist.

Get some help and stop making excuses for him. He is a lazy drunk who does not work and puts everyone around him down.

So, what's the question?

I'm not really sure what you want me to say . obviously you saw a problem or you would not have left . I would stay away as long as he is drinking . And if you guys talk about getting back together make sure he knows you will leave again if he starts drinking or can't accept you for who you are. He sounds like he has a problem with being accepted by people . Wanting to present his idea of the perfect life .
EDIT: trust an alcoholic NEVER . Tell him to love you enough to quit drinking and put his family first and then you will think about doing it his way . Marriage is 50/50 . You have to give to get .

Your husband is a perfectionist but the one thing that he needs perfection on he totally has bombed - he is an alcoholic. Why should you give up what you like to do to make him happy. In what way are you messing up his life by doing your own gardening, pulling more than your weight around the house because "he" refuses to work full time. Instead of him wasting his time and energy criticizing you, he needs to divert that energy in 1) getting himself sober, 2)bettering himself 3)involve himself in a constructive entertainment. So far all I gather from here is that he is just miserable but it isn't because of you, is because of him. Like the term say though misery loves company and he is trying to make you miserable as much as he is miserable. Sad. Maybe the counselor can straighten him out but first he has to admit he has issues and two he has to want to change.