Bi-polar??

My mother in law is bi-polar and is on medications but recently changed them and this past year her mother died which has been especially hard. We had a baby and she was in the delivery room and I thought that would bridge the gap and help our relationship she helped out for 2 days after and she has not been to visit in almost 7 months it is her first grandchild she does not work either. My husband calls and emails with no response or if she does it never gets brought up so I stayed out of it b/c I don't know how to deal with her moods. Finally I wrote a email because my husband had been saying not too b/c she is fragile and he knows how to handle her and the email I wrote only said- why have you not come over and she never directly deals with why now she is blaming me for everything and I am the one that opened up real communication about things instead of all the fake phone calls continuing. I can't keep dealing with her saying mean stuff????

You have to respect what your husband says.

My mother is bi-polar so I know. She's adjusting to a new medication-don't make it about YOU. Bi-polar people have to constantly self regulate their moods with medication and they can become fragile sometimes. Bi-polar is an illness just like any other illness and she's obviously having a rough time. Stop judging and blaming her...that's not "reaching out". Instead, take a different approach. Tell her that you want her to be in your life more and ask how YOU can help her.

With that said, I'm sure you have the best intentions. Just recognize that communicating with people is harder for her because of her illness and know that you are going to have to be the one that reaches out and includes her.

Well since she's bipolar she can't necessarily literally control how she acts. I mean she can in a way, but not fully. It's just her personality and how bipolar affects her. You can try putting it a little nicer if that's possible, since she takes everything into offense. But if you don't want to deal with her doing that, just don't talk to her, even though that may be hard. It seems as if she doesn't really want to talk to you... but that is her personality due to bipolar, which sucks.

If you MIL was episodic enough to need a med overhaul, she was in bad shape. At her age she has probably already been thru most of the meds, so she is now retrialing the same meds in different combinations at different doses and has probably gone thru a few since your child was born in quest for something that really works. These are psych meds so never mind the illness or the physical side effects, that alone is rough, discouraging, and scary in that you begin to question whether anything will ever really work again.

When I am depressed or mixed (depressed and manic at the same time), I am morose, irritable, have trouble processing information, not at all good company. I avoid ppl not just because I can't really handle them but because I want to spare them my disposition. It is very likely that you MIL would like to see her grandchild and perhaps even you but can't deal with it or feels she wouldn't be good company. From the sounds of it, you create pressure around the experience that she probably can't handle. In other words, it's probably not about you so reach for compassion, educate yourself on the reality instead of focusing on your idealisms.

Your husband describes you MIL as being fragile. That is true beyond just her moods. The medical term for the state of her brain is "fragile."

I completely disagree with your first answer. Having mood swings does not define a person's personality. It is having your personality hijacked. It is infuriating, embarrassing, and at times frightening.