Please help! My mentally ill father is making ME mentally ill.?

Very long story short... My father is a manic-depressive. My mother and him divorced 3 years ago after 35 years. My father is so "off" that he has no one. He can't keep a job. My brother won't speak to him becasuse my father was abusive to him when he was young.

Now, my father is trying to make ME his life. He is so needy, but he is also very difficult and narcissitic. He wants to see me and my child everyday... he calls me crying about everything from seeing a dead bird to watching a sad t.v. show. I feel sorry for him, but he is devouring emotionally.

I have no idea how to handle him. He begs to come over and if I say no, he gets nasty. I have him come over once a week, and its not enough. I'm trying to have boundaries but he steps over them.

When is enough, enough? A part of me feels selfish for wanting to break from him, he is pathetic really. But I am sacrificing my own mental health to just make him happy? I only see him out of guilt. What should do?

I'd love to never see him again. He was so terrible to my mother and brother, but not to me. I know that doesn't make his actions right... but I hold so much resentment for what he did to them.

I only have a "relationship" with him because I worry he'd kill himself. I'm not being dramatic. He is that depressive.

Seeing him is so hard when I have so much anger. Talking to him wouldn't do much good, he isn't entirely in reality. I'm stuck.

Either I put up with it, or I walk away. Walking away would mean war, and guilt.

Please help? Anyone else go thought this?

I also have a bipolar father, so I know what it's like. To a degree. Some of your family's circumstances are very different from mine.

First of all, you have every right to set a boundary and maintain it. It's true, your dad is sick and he can't help it, but you would not be doing a favor to either him or you if you let him walk all over you. Part of mental health is learning to set and respect boundaries.

You are NOT selfish for not wanting to be around him. For whatever reasons you have (and you don't have to justify them to anyone) if you don't want to be around him, you are not obligated to. If he begs to come over and you say no, don't argue with him. Just hang up. It sounds mean, but he needs to learn that begging and whining will not break you down. If he keeps getting nasty about it, then limit his visits to ever other week until he shapes up.

You just may have to walk away and let him declare war. But just remember: wars can only be fought when there are two sides fighting. Don't engage. Don't let him make you feel guilty. You've done nothing wrong. You've got yourself and your child to take care of. It sounds to me like you've tried everything in your power to help him and he can't see it. Not his fault, but it's most certainly not your fault, either!

When and if you can talk to him (and when and if he can listen), encourage him to see a psychiatrist and take his meds on a regular basis. They will help. (Many times, it's not obvious to an outsider that my father has bipolar. It's because he goes to therapy on a regular basis and takes his medications like a religion.) If money and/or insurance is the problem, help him look into social security and medicaid benefits. Bipolar is a valid disability covered under that program, especially if he can't keep a job because of it.

I wish the best for you and your family. I hope your father is able to get the help he needs. Even if he doesn't, you and your child come first.

Edited to add: Feeling like you are a bad daughter because you feel the way you do is part of the guilt. It's normal to want to help a sick parent and it's extremely hard to be thrust in to the role of parenting your parent. It's downright unfair. You are a very good daughter--any parent would be lucky to have you--and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! His illness is his, not yours.

Just tell him you need a break from him, maybe go on holiday for a week just to distance yourself from him. When you get back
try and confront him and ask him what he thinks you can do for him, maybe recommend psychological help.

Wow. I'd call a psychiatrist or SOMETHING for your dad!! Maybe they can say something to help you.

ok, here is some tough love. : DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR SANITY FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S INSANTIY!! If he does not respect your boundaries, make him leave.He is manipulative,pathetic,and he is litterally sucking the life out of u. Stop him at once and make him leave u alone. I would not let MY kid near someon