I'm Gay, am i living a lie here?

im gay and havent told anybody for 18 years. i love some of my friends. i kinda stalk. desparate. and i really think that im living a lie. but all of this is genetical rite? So i cant really change it , what do i do? Come out of the closet, how? I still think i can handle this though ive been quite emo-ish secretly without the knowledge of my friends. cutter-playing, and i sometimes think of suicidal acts. i just dont want to hurt anyone by my so-called "gay-ness". i just dont want to affect others to be gay as well. i just want my friends to live a happy life with their wives in the future :s...

I have a plan though, after graduating high school, i'll fly to US and go for uni there. and i think there i could just be a non-social guy (im the "everybody's" friend, i get along well with everybody rite nw). So then, logically i wont lie to anyone rite?

I know exactly how you feel, because 24 years ago, I was a confused 18 year old as well. The thing I did, and which I would recommend to you, is to relax. Stop worrying so much about it and concentrate on what is important to an 18 year old: finishing high school, getting good grades, getting into a good college, and hanging out with your friends.

Next, you need to start taking care of yourself. Stop cutting yourself, and understand that suicide is not an option. Killing yourself won't help you, and it will hurt your family and friends, who obviously matter to you greatly.

You should also try to understand some things about being gay. You didn't choose to be gay. Just like straight people never chose to be straight. There is nothing wrong with being gay no matter what anyone tells you or what their personal beliefs are. There are a lot of people that may tell you it is possible to change or to choose to live a different life. You mention being the "non-social guy" and some of your responders have information about homosexual conversion therapy. Being "non-social" will simply not work. People are social beings. You'll only be miserable if you cut yourself off from friends and family. As for the conversion therapy, it's a ridiculous theory, and one that has been proven time and time again to not work. There is a really good article that I think sums up this despicable practice in the online paper for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology at http://www-tech.mit.edu/V119/N11/col2.11...

Bottom line: don't give up your friends or family, and don't give in to lies about how you chose to be gay and can make another choice now.

Look around your community or nearby communities for social groups for Gays and Lesbians. Or if you are planning to attend college, wait and attend that universities Gay and Lesbian Alliance meetings when you are attending. You will find a lot of people willing to talk about their experiences coming out and to help you with your coming out experience. Do come out to your family and close friends. It may not be easy, but it will allow you to have a real and honest relationship with them. Don't be concerned that you being gay will turn them gay. It doesn't work that way. You didn't choose to be gay. They didn't choose to be gay or straight either. We all simply are what we are and you won't change that for them. Most of all though, just accept yourself for who you are and learn to be happy with yourself.

ok well i dont want to tell you what to do or anything but..
first off- i dont think you are living a lie.
second- i think it may be best to tell those who you really care about about you being gay.
i personally think that this way, you will be able to relax and not worry about it. plus if they really care for you, it will not matter anyway.
this is what my best friend did and he is very happy right now.
i hope i helped =]

Dont fight it. Accept who you are. There is no shame in being gay. More than 10% of the men in the world have sex with other men.

It may be genetic, or it may not. There is no proof either way.

Tell you friends, you might be surprised at their positive reaction.

"A life lived in fear, is a life half lived"