How do I get through to my mother?

I'm 19 years old and for as long as I can remember my mother has been an alcoholic. I'm out of the house and only have to deal with her when she calls me and I choose to answer, but I have two younger sisters that are still with her for another 6 and 9 years at least. My older brother and I both ran away at age 16. He went to live with our uncle, I went to live with my aunt. She's not physically abusive, but the emotional turmoil can't be explained in words. My brother and I were both depressed until we left, me starting at age 12. I'm not comfortably getting into too much detail about how I handled my stress, but I don't want my sisters to have to go through what my brother and I went through. I've been blunt and honest with her, sent her countless e-mails and have now resorted (after 19 years) to not talking to her until she's sober for 6 months. She doesn't seem to grasp this. I've told her it's not because i hate her (I was accused of) It's because I love her and my sisters. Help..

A close friend of hers and I had her convinced to go talk to a psychologist after she insisted she only drinks because of anxiety, but she has since been diagnosed with a genetic disorder that can cause anxiety and she is now insisting she'll be fine once it's treated and doesn't need to talk to anybody. You have no idea how disappointing that was; to finally have her agree to help herself and then watch it fall to ****. Even if that is the reason she drinks, she's still addicted at this point, she's been drinking since she was 15. She won't be able to just stop. She doesn't listen though...

I know this doesn't answer your questions directly, but hopefully it helps. Maybe when you mother read how desperate and you want her to get better, she will change.

You simply can not stop a bad habit. You must replace it with a good habit. So you mother must first sit down and quietly think about herself, her life. What is the root problem that led her to seek alcohol. From there she can than discover new ways to cope, and find good habits to replace her drinking routine.

Good habits is NOT abstaining to drink while hanging out with people that drink. We tend to be like the people we hang-out with. So she may need to make new friends. A True friend would not drink or encourage alcohol to a person who is trying to quit drinking. Thus she should avoid protential alcohol environments.

An alcoholic must first accept he is an alcoholic. This will allow him to accept new thoughts and monitor old thoughts. He first must think that he no longer needs alcohol. Because when he thinks he no longer needs to drink, when he sits down at a restaurant he doesn鈥檛 ask for the wine list, he doesn鈥檛 take second glances at the wine list laying on the table. He doesn't pick up the wind list. A Muslim that doesn鈥檛 drink, none of these thoughts will enter his mind. Now鈥he alcoholic will realized that sitting down at the restaurant, the thoughts of wine and beer entering his mind so strongly. The hard part is action. Not to order any alcohol.
Now, people have to realized they can鈥檛 just quit a bad habit, kinda like just quit eating McDonalds. They will crave for it and go back to the bad habit if McDonalds is something they do weekly. So they must learn a new good habits to replace the harmful habit. Learn to cook and enjoy healthy Greek or Asian foods. So the alcoholic must learn to replace his alcohol with conversations with a good friend or a new sport/exercise, or a chocolate dessert. Admission, thoughts, and than action.

Admission, thoughts, and than action.
This is the basic method of change in all things. Thus a person can not change other person, unless that person is willing to change. A person willing to change must first admit the problem and have the desire to change, otherwise it useless.

well that just my 2 cents.

Many alcoholics are self-medicating mood disorders with drink. When they get the right medications they may stop drinking.

I think you should talk to your Mom , let her know you support her efforts to change with meds, and be there to get her into AA when she starts the meds.

Well, you probably won't like this answer, but I must tell you straight, as I see it.

She may not stop drinking. She has been drinking for a very long time. It's very possible that's a correct diagnosis, the genetic disorder causing her drinking. But there's more than genetics going on; there's the alcoholic lifestyle that's a strong habit pattern. You have obviously worked hard and getting her to help herself or find help. It sounds like you have done nearly everything you can think of. But unless she wants help herself, she won't get it.

I'm not saying quit trying to persuade her or quit trying to get her to get help or to find help for her. But for your own good, and perhaps that of your siblings too, it would be wise to calmly face the possibility that your mother may not quit drinking. Don't plan ON it, but plan FOR it, just in case. Ask, if that happens (she doesn't quit), what then? What can we do?

Meanwhile, as your efforts continue, you can be supportive of your siblings too in every reasonable and ethical way you can.