Based on this example, am I an alright writter?

Secrets Among Friends

I waited; twelve hours and she never showed. How could I have been so blind? I knew this was all a trick; some way to get my hopes up, another promise lost. The air grew more frigid and my body shook from the cold.
Sh;t, I wasn鈥檛 looking forward to the long walk home.
But where was home? I had hoped to stay with Gent that night but she wasn鈥檛 there. There I stood; stuck and without a home to call my own.
My name? Tilden. Occupation; worthless bum. My lineage; unknown.
I had been left with nothing after my family kicked me out鈥?said it was time I found my own way in life and left them the hell alone. It hadn鈥檛 been something I hadn鈥檛 wanted. All the better for me to get the f*ck away from that sh;t-whole. My parents had been the type to shove responsibility lectures down my throat and tell me how all my career plans would get me nowhere.

Oh no, I couldn鈥檛 be a filmmaker I had to work in a factory or a bank or even a fast food joint, but never in show-business.
Of coarse I got little pity from anyone. My story was like all the others; some kid who would never amount to anything 鈥榗ause his head was to far up his cloud-filled @$$ that he couldn鈥檛 see the real world that was in front of him. I could sit around and talk about proving them wrong but that would only do the opposite. I had to actually act on my words to attest to my ability to get something done. Sure, I was destine to fall on my @$$ but that couldn鈥檛 stop me from trying.
That鈥檚 when I had met Gent. She had sat there, telling me about how I would fail if I didn鈥檛 go out and claim my fortune and showing me how to do it by example. She already had all her accomplishments within arms reach but she was holding back for all of us鈥?for me.

Good writing is subjective.

But if you want to get published you need to brush up on your grammar.

As well, these two sentences do not belong together:

I knew this was all a trick; some way to get my hopes up, another promise lost. The air grew more frigid and my body shook from the cold.

Better to start a new paragraph. There is more of that throughout.

It does grab emotionally though.

Keep writing. Writing evolves.

Yes. You completely held my attention all the way through, and evoked many emotions in me. I would say you need polish, but the basic writing ability is there. I like the title as well. Thank you.

Im not to keen on the cuse words but everything else was nice..

I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER...

*sigh*

grade schoolers are far more great.

Maybe; which is my second favorite word.

Aww...although the vocabulary wasn't too special, the descriptions and emotion that you gave off were extremely touching. I feel for you, whether this was real or not...<3

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this, and hope to read more of your work. You had a few typos (i.e: things like course/coarse), but those were minor details. Of course, there is always room for improvement...I would give an extremely detailed critique, but I need to get some sleep soon. ;)

Keep on writing + posting...

"It hadn鈥檛 been something I hadn鈥檛 wanted"

Clunky sentences. Spend a few years reading good books. Ask someone you know (or don't know) to make a list? John Cheever. Vonnegut. Mark Helprin. Italo Calvino. Find a writer, or two or ten, that you love and admire and let him or her be your mentor.

Write write write... rewrite.

Best wishes and good luck

The vulgarities and the obscenities you used in the story were an instant turn-off. I forced myself to read what you had posted, but came away realizing that your juvenile, potty-mouth writing will remain until you wake up and learn that good writing need not have all the obscenities you had used.

Perhaps a few well-placed words for emphasis might work, but your writing tone is something I'd never explore again.