BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
Chapter 1
Wow, that was some story thought Joan as she placed the paperback onto the coffee
table. The novel, Chick Lit, was not really intended for her age group, mid sixties, but she鈥檇 thoroughly enjoyed it, and why not? The elderly were just teenagers in old skin.
Joan sat back on the shiny, leather sofa and sipped her coffee. Sparked off by the contents of the book, she reflected on the fifty years she deemed wasted on two dead leg husbands.
Jeez, that鈥檚 half a century! The first, fat, flawed and futile, the second and current one, well, yes, the second and current one鈥?br>
She lit a cigarette, drew heavily on it and made her mind up there and then that she was going to get a life, not just any old life, a young life, a sort of Chick Lit life, a life she鈥檇 missed out on all those years ago. Three kids before ones twenty first birthday had been far from a good starting point. Joan hadn鈥檛 been in love with him but a sexual 鈥榚xperiment鈥?had led to an unwanted pregnancy and society at that time made sure there were to be no single mothers. A man-child for a so called husband and an even worse mother-in-law, the type you could gladly drop into an acid bath so all trace had gone, well except for dentures.
She glanced at the calendar and pondered on a date from when her new life should begin.
But where to begin? Botox, Crystal-blast, Face-lift? I need something. It鈥檚 ok to think chick but when your skin thinks hen鈥here鈥檚 more lines on it than a Rhode Island road map.
Dvorak鈥檚 Humoresque belted out from the phone and penetrated Joan鈥檚 thoughts. 鈥楬elp the aged,鈥?she answered.
鈥楬i, it鈥檚 me.鈥?br>
鈥楯ules! I was going to ring you but I thought you鈥檇 still be zedding it. How鈥檇 it go?鈥?Joan perked up at the sound of her best friend鈥檚 voice, and then realised, that her voice sounded wary.
鈥榊ou鈥檙e not going to like this Joan, are you sitting comfortably?鈥?br>
For Jules to say that, the news had to be big. Joan leant against the arm of a chair.
鈥楪o on, what happened?鈥?br>
鈥楽he鈥檚 blonde, tubby鈥?and wait for it鈥bout twenty five years old.鈥?br>
Joan was silent for a moment. So it was true beyond a doubt, Pete had a bit on the side. She slid down the arm of the chair to the seat. Maybe Jules had seen the evidence, but Joan herself hadn鈥檛.
鈥楪et her address?鈥?br>
鈥榊eah, rough district, look, I鈥檒l come across and we can chat at length. Ok?鈥?br>
Joan replaced the receiver and went to the drinks cabinet. At least she鈥檚 fat. She mused.
Selecting the most expensive red, she uncorked it and poured a large, no, a very large glass. Her friend liked red too, as she always said, 鈥榓t our age it鈥檚 good for the old arteries.鈥?br>
Jules arrived in her brand new Smart car; it had made a good disguise the previous evening for tracking Peter, Joan鈥檚 husband.
鈥業 suspected some time ago he was playing around Jules, although, really I can鈥檛 imagine who鈥檇 fancy a clapped out eighty two year old. He鈥檚 recently invested in some new Y-fronts too, what sort of woman shags a man who wears Y-Fronts? The mind boggles.鈥?br>
The second bottle of red was having a pleasant couldn鈥檛-care-less attitude on Joan鈥檚 grey matter. She giggled along with Jules imagining Pete getting his leg over.
鈥楶erhaps he makes a better sugar-granddaddy than a sugar-daddy,鈥?she laughed.
For all the mirth, Jules could see a deep sadness behind her friend鈥檚 eyes. Pals from school days they鈥檇 stuck together over the years. They鈥檇 become more like sisters than their own sisters.
鈥楾his isn鈥檛 the first woman Pete鈥檚 shagged but this time I want facts, enough鈥檚 enough. besides, this new sex-on-legs-cow鈥檚 had a profound effect on him.鈥?br>
Basically a kind person, in recent years he鈥檇 become retaliative, sarcastic and decidedly cold in his manner towards her.
鈥業n the early years my 鈥榝iery鈥?nature turned him on and he even admitted that to this end he sometimes goaded me! What really bugs me as well, he used to love the way I flounced off when we rowed, he loved watching my long, dark hair swinging about. Now, he says I鈥檓 aggressive or I need anger therapy, cheeky sod, he obviously thinks silver hair isn鈥檛 good enough for him. Jeez, he doesn鈥檛 even have looks. Mind you, he has some charm and a good sense of humour.鈥?
鈥楯oan, you鈥檙e getting morose, have another glass.鈥?Jules uncorked another bottle.
鈥楾he only saving grace in all this is that he鈥檚 fifteen years older then you.鈥?br>
鈥楢nd?鈥?br>
鈥榃ell, odds are that he鈥檒l die before you.鈥?br>
Joan held her head back and laughed, it was a long drawn out belly-laugh.
鈥楧on鈥檛 make me laugh; he鈥檚 like a ******* robot. Do you know the only thing wrong with him is that he鈥檚 got a corn?鈥?She laughed out loud again then gulped her wine. She became morose again. 鈥楧o you know what the experts say in the scientific world? They say if one is fit by the age of eighty, there鈥檚 no reason, as to why one won鈥檛 reach ninety.鈥?She began to sob. 鈥業 can鈥檛 go another shite decade with him鈥?br>
鈥楾he booze is making you miserable Joan. You know, it鈥檚 not all it鈥檚 cracked up to be, being a widow. Ones income鈥檚 halved for starters.鈥?br>
鈥榊ou鈥檙e right, I鈥檓 always bloody moaning, aren鈥檛 I? The only thing is, in ten years time, I don鈥檛 want to be sitting here wishing I鈥檇 got a life, and just crocheting antimacassars. Anyway what do you think of this idea?鈥?Joan lit yet another fag.
鈥楲et鈥檚 have a bite to eat and a nice black coffee first, don鈥檛 forget I have to drive home.鈥?br>
鈥楪ood idea.鈥?She glanced at the clock, 鈥楶ete鈥檒l be at least another hour yet.鈥?br>
Whilst they both tucked in to ham sandwiches and sipped black coffee, Joan explained a few ideas she鈥檇 come up with to enhance both hers and Jules鈥?lives. Her friend listened intently, eyes widening from time to time.
鈥業鈥檒l get back home now and I promise that I鈥檒l have a good think about what we鈥檝e discussed.鈥?br>
The two women bade their goodbyes and Jules drove off, back to her bungalow a few miles away.
Joan tidied up the lounge then washed the dishes. She liked everything to be neat and tidy. The bungalow was a new build when they had bought it. Three bedrooms, a large lounge, the kitchen wasn鈥檛 small either. The gardens front, back and side were extensive and over the years the many plants and shrubs they had planted together now gave the garden a colourful, mature look. Joan鈥檚 favourite spot was where the swing seat was positioned. Under a pagoda, covered with purple and white Clematis, it gave shelter from the hottest sun and a peaceful haven away from neighbours prying eyes. She was proud of her achievements for someone stemming from a childhood of poverty; you鈥檝e not done bad lass. She often told herself.
She heard Pete coming in after his visit to his daughter鈥檚, well, after his night of passion rather.
鈥楬i,鈥?she greeted him all smiles.
鈥楬i,鈥?was his response.
鈥楬ave a nice evening?鈥?She continued dusting the furniture, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
鈥極h, it was ok, she wasn鈥檛 well enough to make us a meal so I went out for a take-away.鈥?
Oh, yeah, a blonde-tubby-about-twenty-five-year-old one, she wanted to say but desisted.
鈥榃hen she feels better, she wants me to take her to her old school friend鈥檚 for a weekend, she lives in Newcastle.鈥?br>
鈥楾hat鈥檒l be nice for you both,鈥?said with just a tad of sarcasm.
鈥榊ou don鈥檛 mind, do you?鈥?Pete side glanced at Joan and waited for her reaction.
鈥榃ho? Me? I鈥檝e never restricted your movements, of course I don鈥檛 mind.鈥?
Great stuff, she thought, now my plans can come into being, how could he moan about me travelling now? Ha. She laughed to herself, some men are so stupid.
Pete went off into his study, no doubt reliving the night of passion he鈥檇 had with his lover and dreaming about the forthcoming weekend with the slag. Joan continued with the housework whilst plotting her new life, well, he was being economical with the truth and what鈥檚 good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander, but in this case surely that should be what鈥檚 good enough for the gander is good enough for the goose. Who wrote these proverbs?
Dvorak鈥檚 Humoresque rang out. 鈥極rphaned widows,鈥?she answered.
It was her friend Mo, crying down the phone, should she get a divorce from her lying, cheating husband. Jeez, that鈥檚 all I need. Why can鈥檛 others deal with their own nightmares? I鈥檝e got plenty of my own to be going on with thanks.
Mo鈥檇 found a packet of condoms again in the pocket of his best suit.
Think yourself lucky he鈥檚 got the sense to use 鈥榚m, she wanted to say but thought it too cruel.
The husband in question was six feet four, drop-dead-gorgeous and had women just drooling and dropping at his feet. Joan had wondered how long it鈥檇 be before he strayed when he took Mo to the registrars鈥ell, it was her third marriage, (church was out of the question) but at least the ceremonies had been that close together, Joan had been able to wear the same outfit for each one.
鈥楤est not to worry Mo, why don鈥檛 you go out and go mad with his credit card.? That鈥檚 good therapy.鈥?br>
鈥榊ou鈥檙e right Joan; I鈥檝e seen a gorgeous leather coat and boots I like.鈥?br>
鈥楪ood, hurt his pocket. I鈥檒l see you next week then.鈥?br>
Joan replaced the receiver. Women just can鈥檛 win. Here鈥檚 an ugly old fool shagging around and there鈥檚 a handsome young fool doing the very same. Or was it the women? Why do women shag others husbands?
Sex with Pete that night was as boring as ever even though she suspected he was practicing various methods to try when screwing his tart.
Besides Joan had other things on her mind, she had dinner to cook tomorrow for four friends鈥egetarian friends. What the hell can I make? Pete turned her over.
Perhaps a Soya spag bol could be the answer. Where to get Soya though? Pete鈥檚 hand was wandering. I could get some humus and tortillas, yes, that鈥檇 be nice as a starter.
Pete was reaching his climax now. Jeez, planning dinner for four is damned harder than having sex.
The following evening, Joan served up the spaghetti bolognaise. It had been simple to make and she was most impressed with the taste of the Soya meat.
Pete poured out the wine for their friends. Joan had a head start on the others; she鈥檇 partaken of a few glasses whilst preparing dinner.
The strange mixture of characters seated themselves at the table. Sebastian and wife Isabel, not their real names but they liked the sound of them. Both retired civil servants they were quite boring and staid.
Joan had thought long ago that their real names were probably Cyril and Ethel or the likes.
John and Anne, real names, he was great fun and an extravert, how he came to be married to her was always a mystery to Joan. He was still quite shaggable. John was a lawyer; she was a barmaid when they met. She sure knew what she was doing having got pregnant a couple of weeks later. They had more money than sense. Nevertheless, they were good fun and Joan liked them both, she sat with her guests. 鈥楬elp yourselves to Parmesan and get stuck in.鈥?br>
鈥楽o, what are your plans for this summer, each and all?鈥?asked John.
鈥楯ules and me are going for a month to a nudist complex in Jamaica,鈥?she blurted out.
The others didn鈥檛 know whether to believe her and reacted with guffaws.
鈥業鈥檓 serious. Then we plan on going to Bali for a further month, lots of nightlife there apparently.鈥?br>
鈥業鈥檝e always wanted to try nudism,鈥?offered Sebastian.
鈥榊ou鈥檝e never mentioned that.鈥?Isabel looked horrified.
Joan viewed Seb from the corner of her eye, hmm, more to him than he lets on. Dark Horse, eh?
鈥榃hen was all this arranged then?鈥?Pete鈥檚 eyes flared.
Oh here we go; there鈥檒l be a few days of sulky silence now, the cheeky two-timing bastard, don鈥檛 get mad鈥et everything Joan, she smiled back at him. 鈥極h, it鈥檚 not been arranged yet, me and Jules were just talking about it, when you were at your鈥︹€?br>
鈥業 would never go anywhere without John.鈥?Anne butted in.
Joan sipped her wine and eyed up John this time, I bet you wouldn鈥檛, now if my husband was as gorgeous as him鈥?.鈥橫ore garlic bread anyone?鈥?br>
鈥榃hy don鈥檛 we all go to Jamaica?鈥?John took the proffered bread. 鈥楽ounds great fun.鈥?br>
Joan bit into a chunk of bread, yeah, right; your wife鈥檇 look gorgeous nude鈥?not.
Anne was at least eighteen stones but only five feet two. She鈥檇 had a weight problem as long as Joan could think back, well a stuffing-your-face-with-food problem more like.
She had a copycat problem too, constantly clocking the clothes Joan wore and racing down to the shops to buy duplicates. This amused Joan greatly and took it as a compliment. Sometimes and just for devilment, she would tell Anne a different shop to where she鈥檇 bought her clobber and watch her friend鈥檚 frustration when she couldn鈥檛 find replicas. Even if she did, there was no way they ever looked as good on her as on the five feet ten, slender Joan.
鈥業 need a facelift or something before I travel, either of you tried that crystal-blasting treatment?鈥?br>
Anne looked indignant, 鈥楳y skin doesn鈥檛 need any treatment whatsoever, and I haven鈥檛 even got any wrinkles yet.鈥?br>
Oh yes you do, it鈥檚 just that the fat puffs your face out, wrinkles with it. Joan smirked to herself. Lose ten stone and your skin鈥檇 look like a bloody pachyderm鈥檚.
鈥榊es, you have beautiful skin,鈥?commented Isabel.
鈥楩or her age,鈥?quipped John at which Anne鈥檚 face became decidedly ugly. John鈥檚 and Joan鈥檚 eyes met, she quickly looked away and bit on a gherkin to stop her bursting into laughter. That would have been the end of her and Anne. The trouble with Anne was that if she wasn鈥檛 the centre of attraction, she wasn鈥檛 playing but this sort of attention wasn鈥檛 the type intended. Joan waited for her to explode and wasn鈥檛 disappointed.
鈥榊ou鈥檙e a **** a friggin鈥?****. Do you know that?鈥?br>
Isabel blushed to the roots of her hair and chomped on a gherkin. These gherkins were coming in handy. Seb looked at his watch. John didn鈥檛 react; he was as used to these outbursts as were the hosts. There were a few moments silence.
鈥榃e鈥檙e going to the Festival Hall next weekend,鈥?announced Seb.
鈥榃hat鈥檚 on?鈥?Pete asked.
鈥楢 Beethoven concert, it should be excellent.鈥?br>
鈥業ndeed,鈥?said John.
A conversation about the classics ensued. Anne went into a sulk but Joan was accustomed to that and knew that she would soon 鈥榗ome round鈥?
Apart from the one fracas the evening went well and it was three am before the guests left.
John had still seemed keen on the nudist holiday, as did Seb but Joan didn鈥檛 want any hangers-on, not at the launch of her new life.
Pete鈥檚 hands began to wander. Oh, no, puh-lease not at this time in the morning, does he never stop it?
This time there was no dinner for four to plan so she lay back and thought of her session at the gym and pool the next day.
The four friends relaxed in the Jacuzzi, a white wine each. This was their time to be together once a week; an hour in the gym followed by forty lengths in the pool and then a dip into the hot bubbling water for a natter. Privately owned the complex was luxurious never crowded and suited the quartet perfectly.
Anne was still reeling from the night before, 鈥業鈥檓 going to really go mad with the credit card now,鈥?she sipped her wine.
鈥楴ot another Prada bag, how many鈥檚 that you鈥檝e got?鈥?asked Brenda.
鈥楧o I give a ****? I鈥檒l buy matching shoes an鈥?all.鈥?br>
鈥楬e was only joking Anne,鈥?said Joan.
鈥榊eah, well I鈥檓 teaching him not to give sly digs even in jest.鈥?br>
鈥榃hy, what did he say?鈥?Brenda leaned forward; she liked nothing better than a bit of gossip and others鈥?disharmony with one another.
鈥楬e implied that I looked alright for my age.鈥?br>
Jules glanced at Joan and they both smirked. Anne lacked self esteem and they all recognised this, it did get tiresome sometimes though, always trying to reassure her that she was a loved and treasured friend. She had more clothes in her possession than the whole of Debenham鈥檚 put together, or should that be Christian Dior or the likes, only exclusive stuff was good enough for Anne.
鈥楬ave you seen Newbloom鈥檚 new range?鈥?asked Brenda enthusiastically. 鈥楾hey鈥檝e got some gorgeous tops in.鈥?
鈥業 haven鈥檛 been in recently,鈥?replied Joan. Newbloom wasn鈥檛 her style but did agree that the stuff was enough to pay for fashion items that were out of style within weeks. Brenda didn鈥檛 look nice in anything, at sixty four, she鈥檇 no fashion sense but none of the others had the heart to tell her. Today she鈥檇 mixed a trendy top with a 1970s skirt, and a pair of 1980s shoes. The top as usual was way too young for her and bordered on the ridiculous, she preferred sleeveless too and Joan thought there was nothing worse than having wrinkled old arms on display. Brenda and husband were vastly rich and so she got away with any look according to her, and not giving a damn for what anyone thought.
鈥楢nyway, I鈥檓 more interested in face treatment at the mo,鈥?said Joan.
鈥楢 friend of mine has just had that鈥hat鈥r, is it crystal-blasting or something?鈥?
鈥楻ound here, Brenda?鈥?Joan was keen to find out.
鈥楴o, in London somewhere.鈥?br>
鈥楩ancy a trip to London Jules?鈥?Joan and her friend chuckled.
鈥業鈥檓 up for anything these days,鈥?she replied.
鈥業鈥檒l come with you an鈥?all.鈥?br>
鈥榊ou said last night that you鈥檇 never go anywhere without John.鈥?br>
鈥業 know but that were last night and I鈥檇 had a few jars,鈥?Anne sipped her wine. 鈥楢ny road, I鈥檒l be able to shop at Harrods, that鈥檒l piss him off.鈥?br>
The four left the complex and went to the nearby pub for lunch and to discuss their plans for a weekend in London. Mysteris...don't you ever read books????????!!!!!!!!!! WAY TOO LONG TO READ ; O |
