How do I speed up a Broken Heart in repair?

My husband and I have been together for 11 years now. We were very young when we got together and have 2 children. I have always felt that I wanted this more than him, but he has always made up with actions his lack of expression for us.
Fast Forward-- A year 1/2 ago we both gave up on each other. He started doing his own thing ( going out, drinking, talking to a "friend ") and I had an affair. We fought, cried and talked . We have since decided to work on it and have learned olot that we did not know about each other. But now everytime we have a spatz he trows the affair in my face and all I do is think what he might be up to. Counseling is not an option ( he is not an emotional person and does not speak to strangers) I hated our old marriage and like how things are now. But at the same time I don't want to keep feeling like I am always going to be judged on 1 mistake and that I have to question every thing he tells me ? Any suggestions?
I should clarify that altough he did not admit to an affair his "friend" called him 10 times a day and night. Text it at all times and still has kept in touch every so often. I also found a hidden email acount where I found a (he says a song) from him to her thanking her for being his lover and one from her to him that stated among the lines of i don't care about the situation and will wait for you. miss your arms and being held. I confessed he just never did so I can't be 100% sure that he actually slept with her.

>> I can't be 100% sure that he actually slept with her.

Do you really need to be 100% sure considering >> I found a (he says a song) from him to her thanking her for being his lover and one from her to him that stated among the lines of i don't care about the situation and will wait for you. miss your arms and being held.

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>> He started doing his own thing ( going out, drinking, talking to a "friend ")

>> I should clarify that altough he did not admit to an affair his "friend" called him 10 times a day and night. Text it at all times and still has kept in touch every so often.

He has your admission but you don't have his. Regardless, I would bet you a dollar to a donut he and she practiced the "Tube Snake Boogie." Even if they didn't, he still exercised unacceptable behavior just like you did. One isn't any worse than the other.

Tell him that as far as your concerned, what he did is equally or worse than what you did and that if the two of you are going to stay married past next week, you are both going to need to forgive the other which means forgetting EVERYTHING that has happened before now and NEVER mentioning it again, ever.

If you two can't get past this, both of you need to look over at your two kids while they are playing and think about how either of you are going to live with the guilt of tearing away from the two children who you love most in the world, someone who is half of the people in their lives who they love the most.

The next time your affair is mentioned, just say, "Your right and I'm wrong. I'm a terrible person and I don't know why you are still with me. You have never done wrong and I have never done right. Will you please forgive me and get past this? If you can't, we might as well just call it quits right now. If you can, we can go forward by trying to be each other's best friend instead of each other's nightmare. What can I do for you that will show that I am serious about keeping our family together and being the best friend that you could ever wish for?"

Good Luck

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I think he is mad that you did and he did but won't admit because then he would be a hypocrite. seems you two need to go your separate ways because how can he sleep with you now? I know if my man cheated all I would do it picture them together. And if he cheated would you take him back you need to talk to him

First of all he had an affair! My opinion is that you should walk away. Why be with a man that cant be man enough to admit his mistakes. Who wants a liar in their life. I wish you courage and strength. I realize this is a tough time so good luck!