Daughter In Law Conflict/Dr Jeckyl-Ms Hyde!?

My 1st husband & I divorced when our adopted son was 2 years old. I sometimes worked THREE jobs to provide him with what I considered a good life & a great education. He met & married a home town girl. They dated all through college, broke up for a yr & then got back together & married. ( I remarried while he was in college.) His dad & I have a great relationship & his wife is one of my best friends. The problem is, her people have money...we do not. It's ALL about HER family. They are expecting our 1st grandchild & there is NO communication from her whatsoever. She used to call me 3 times a day when they were in college & now she won't return calls or emails. I've always looked forward to grandkids!Our son took a job out of state & we drove the 1000 miles to their new home last year for his birthday & SHE was so RUDE! When they flew home 5day for Christmas, we saw her for an HOUR! Like I said, it's HER family that is IMPORTANT! She DENIES there is any problem!! Any suggestions

I didn't tell you that I'd had to have a hysterectomy when I was 22 & I'd looked forward to having grandkids my whole life!! Then, DIL starts this 'silent feud'...I'm sitting her totally clueless. She's flown home several times since they've moved out of state & we've only found out about it when our son has let it 'slip' that she was home, for class reunions, etc. My ex-husband's wife has been left out also. We can't figure out what has made her this way. Every email that I write her she turns it around to something that it is not. I'm just ready to throw my hands up & say, 'Just forget it!'...oh, & you might be wondering what my son is saying about this? He says, 'Nothing is wrong...no, she's not mad.'...all because I honored her wishes of not telling him there was any conflict at all Thanksgiving before last when this started & THAT was because she had misinterpreted an email! This is driving me crazy..I get up thinking about it, I go to bed thinking about it! Suggestions?

Hmm.Well I can understand her not 'informing' you every time she comes that way.But I dont get why she is acting so strange.Maybe you could just sit down with her & have a little chat.No judging or anything,just ask her what is going on.Why is she acting like she is mad.Hopefully you will get this fixed up.I still would not expect her to inform you every time she is in the area.I don't mean this bad in the least,but sometimes without meaning to,mils can be a little clingy like you know.(I am not saying you are).I love my mil & we get along great,but sometimes I just gotta get away.I will always be closer to my family than his.Not intentionally,they are just my family.Just try the sitting down & talking to her.I hope you work it all out..:D

ETA-Hmm.Well I dont know then.Something had to rub her the wrong way for her to act like this.Unless she truly is busy but I will still think she would be nice to you or at least civil.I really wish I knew what else to tell you.I feel for ya.While I do have disagreements with my mil & sometimes yes she does get on my nerves-I try to be as nice as possible to her & treat her with respect.I am expecting my first child & I now that she will want to have time with him just like my mom will so I am going to try not to show a big difference with that.That said,I don't know what else to tell you except a confrontation.It is worth a shot isnt it..

I think there is a problem, they just may not realize it. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives, that we just dont take other peoples live into consideration. Maybe its because you live so far away, or maybe its because her family has money, or maybe they just dont understand how important your grandchild is to you. I would talk to my son and explain why its so important. If that doesnt work for you then id be convinced that the reasons are personal, and take matters to adifferent level. There a such thing as grandparents rights that the courts honor and take very seriously, if you want to go there. Good luck you sound like a good mom, and g-mom.

If you think it all started with the ring issue it sounds like she is blame shifting. She knew she was wrong to do what she did. Now she is trying to make you look bad so the heat isn't on her.

Hang in there!! You son will figure it out in time. I know personally how difficult it is to hold on. I have only one son, who is married and we are very close. There have been some unexplainable issues with our daughter-in-law too. After counseling (and lots of prayer) things are very much better now.

I have two grandchildren that I adore! Shortly after the first was born she used our grand daughter to hurt us. Denying visits, little time with her, ect. It broke our hearts. Hopefully she won't do that to you.

It took ALOT of patience for me but I hung on because I only wanted my son's happiness. I have been rewarded. Good luck!!