Am i fighting a losing battle trying to forgive my significant other for cheating?

Story: known my girlfriend for years, got together 7 months ago and it was finally our shot together. Didn't take it seriously 1st 2 months due to iraq deployment but I fell for her. She used my lack of interes as an excuse to talk to 7 other guys even though she said she loved me and that she was my girl. I was the one who discovered what she was doing, and even when called out on it she lied directly to my face. Fast forward to the past couple months, she used to drink heavily but quit, she gives 500% effort into our relationship and I have no doubt that she loves me and is being faithful to me. Still I am 99% certain she's never been honest about what exactly she did in the first 2-3 months we were together and it plays through my mind like a broken record. I'm doing what I can to forgive but I don't beleive what she says happened with these guys sinc she already lied to me. I feel stupid for being cheated on, but am I stupid for trying to forgive b/c I love her? Is there hope

Hi there. I sympathize your situation. I have a similar predicament as you.

I knew her for 5 months and we got together for 3 months. It was all very sudden. She is extremely attractive and has so many male friends. A lot of guys are pursuing her. I have absolutely no idea why she would choose me. I think other guys and richer and more handsome than me.

Even though we got together, I am very suspicious of her. She doesn't want to tell me a lot of things. she tried to remain as secretive as possible. There was once she even lied to me big time. She told me she was going overseas with a female friend, but I knew she was going with a male friend alone. She denied all the way until I exposed her by checking her email. She got really angry with me checking her mail but she forgave me and I forgave her. I let her go with another man eventually. (i was being extremely stupid, right?)

I understand the trip was planned long time ago and she lied to me so i do not get sad or worried.

When i am physically with her, she treats me extremely well, but when we are on the phone she would sometimes be so cold towards me that if i said anything wrong, she may just cut off the line. She also avoided a lot of my questions. my care and concern for her is being seen as actions of a young boy, not a mature guy. (what the...)

Right now, she needs a lot of money to finance some debts. It is way beyond my ability, but i wanted to help. i will go around begging for money and cracking my brains to think of ways to repay my debtors.

So am i stupid or what? I cannot even really 100% tell if she loves me or not. But i asked myself "why am i doing this?" The answer is simple - because i really love her.

I hope my personal experiences gives you the strength to believe in your girlfriend. I know you are trapped in this mind and heart dualism. Your rational mind tells you not to forgive her, you are being stupid and naive, but your heart tells you you really do like this girl a lot.

For me, i have chosen to listen to my heart. Someone told me "Maybe your heart needs to listen to your mind and see what your mind tells you." I argued "Why can't the mind listen to the heart and see how can it use its rationality to help the heart?"

Enough of my story, i sincerely wish you all the best.

lol

I would take NOONE back if they cheated on me...I don't care how long we'd been together, once is one time too many...

Yes.Concentrate on yourself.Put yourself first.You deserve it.Good luck.

It sounds like you already have the answer to this, you don't trust her, there are no kids involved. Don't waste your time, go find someone you do trust and makes you feel good about yourself.

You sure aren't being very specific about what she said to those guys. I think you could forgive her with time, since she didn't kiss or do anything sexual with them.

as they say, whats in the past is in the past, why worry about it now, she obviously loves you, the first 2 months peeps just testing water, same happened with me and my boyfriend only other way round, im not sure what he told me for the first 5 months was true about an ex he kept seeing, but i persevered and we are still together 9 years later, if you love her and trust her stick with it, if you dont trust her whats the point, without trust theres nothing

Either bury this...forget it..or the hope is gone.

You need to ask questions, yet dont want the answers, but whats make you think youll beleive her, I dont think you will.

You've been lied to and the trust has gone. She can tell you everything that went on and the record will still play.
Seek some counselling, it might help underlying issues.

good luck xx sh

my boyfriend cheated on me & I got back with him afterwards we last about a year & a half but I never got over him cheating it came up in every argument & it caused continuos arguments.We split just before christmas & I feel awful with out him.Once he cheated, I never was able to forget about it.So more of less that split us up.I hope thngs go your way & your work things out sounds like you really think alot of her.In my personal opinion I dont think you can get over it but thats just me.good luck with everything hope things go well & your happy

So, the cheating was real or imaginary or just 'talking to other guys'?
She probably deserves a second chance, if you can overcome your fear of being dumped first.

you will find out what real love is when you have a girl that is completely faith full and you dint have those thoughts. wouldn't that feel a whole lot better. easy for me to say but my xwife never came close to lieing about things like that she had other personal issues but she was faithfull if not i would have dumped her first thing regardless of what i had for feelings or thought i did. many couples stay together only because of insecurities. move on.

The two of you need to talk about all of this. Let her know how you feel about her and that you want to clean all the skeletons out the closet so the two of you can start out fresh---a clean slate. You've both made mistakes that you now regret. You ignored her after starting up with her. So she looked elsewhere, thinking you weren't serious. She may have lied to you, because she didn't want to hurt you or lose you. People make mistakes. But you won't be able to put this out of your mind until you talk and are honest with each other. Even if you don't like what you hear, you will eventually find peace. It's the "not knowing" that will eat you up inside. You will be able to make a decision about whether to stay or move on.

have you ever heard that saying "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me!" well, If you truly love her and know what love is...forget that past! Seriously! you sound insecure and you should not be so worried about what she did, or said 5mo ago! leave in at grave my brother!! and move forward give her a chance and if you know she does it to you in the future...she's should be DONE!!! Period!!!

if you dont trust your girl you can never give her the 100% love and devotion that a healthy and lasting relationship needs to survive...
there will always be doubt and mis-trust there at the back of your mind..you will fee insecure about your love...

its unfortunate but if you truely love this girl and can overcome this try to forgive and forget...if it will always be in your mind and hurt you then you have to let her go and build a strong relationship with a more trustworthy woman.

if this girl valued you as a special man she would not mess with others...her respect is not 100% so you cannot give her 100%

If this were someone you are married to I would answer differently. But it sounds like you have your answer about this person.

Just fast forward, say you marry and she cheats again>...will you accept this life style and forgive? Short term pain and learn the lesson now.

May or may not get better. Find out who you are, it's time to upgrade!