Would you be offended if a friend said they could not afford to be part of your wedding party?

A friend of mine asked me to be her maid of honor 3 years ago and a week before her wedding, the fiance called it off. I felt bad for her but there were signs all along. But, I put a lot a money into the wedding, that I really could not afford, but of course it wasn't her fault.

Fast forward to now, she's engaged again and I just cannot afford to be in her wedding. I'm a stay at home mom (former school counselor) and my husband is a teacher. We are tight on money but it's worth it so I can be a stay at home mom. But, I'm also the maid of honor in another wedding (a friend I consider my sister). She is paying for almost everything b/c I don't have much money.

Would you be offended if a friend told you they couldn't be in your wedding b/c of money, especially after I spent so much last time? Again, I know it wasn't her fault but as a maid of honor, you are expected to pay a lot...engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, not including gifts...

Thanks.

She hasn't asked me yet if I would be her MOH, but regardless, I can't afford it and plan to tell her that but just wanted to hear opinions...

No, I would not be offended. Unless she's paying for it I really don't see how she could get mad about this. When you're on a fixed income, that's just how it is! You can't be expected to go into debt over someone else's wedding!

It is perfectly acceptable for you to decline based on the costs. Just let her know you are happy for her and will be sitting as a guest to wish her and her new husband the best.

Good luck!

I don't understand why anyone would be offended at someone else's financial situation. If I asked someone to be in my wedding and they could not (for whatever reason) I might be disappointed, but no reason for offense (unless they said something unkind).

I don't see why it should be an issue. If she wants you in it badly enough, she'll see if something can be worked out re: the cost...otherwise she'll just accept your polite decline and send you an invite to be at the ceremony to share her happy day (one hopes!)

Don't feel ashame. That is completly understandable. If you cannot afford everything, just tell her and if she cannot understand why, then she isn't a good friend.

I wouldn't be offended but slightly upset that I would love for them to be in it but they can't but I also look at it as to say it is better for you to tell me now before we get set with everything and down the line in the middle of things you tell me that you can't do it.

First I would wait to be asked, and then I would explain to her the reasons that you aren't able to do it this time. If it were me, I would understand. I don't think its a good idea for your to bring up her previous engagement, let the past stay in the past. Your reasons are valid and like I said, if it were me, I would understand and respect your decision without any hard feelings.

No, she shouldn't get offended at all. Afterall, you do have your own family to think about that comes first and foremost.

Wait until she asks you. When she does, tell her that you love her and you would be honored to participate as a hostess or as a guest, but tell her that money is tight right now and cannot afford ir.

Good luck

I鈥檓 in a somewhat similar situation (you can read the question I posted yesterday). I鈥檓 declining being in a friend鈥檚 wedding for several reasons, money being the biggest one. I鈥檓 also afraid my friend might be offended, but I鈥檓 just not going to go into debt or be late paying my bills because I had to buy a bridesmaid gown.
Being in a wedding is a huge expense. Every B2B should understand that. Of course she will be disappointed, but if she gets mad at you or has a problem with it, she probably isn鈥檛 a very good friend anyway. Hopefully she will totally understand and you can attend the wedding as a guest and have a great time (always less stress when you attend as a guest anyway!)

You do this in a way that does mention money. "Carla, I'm just honored to pieces that you'd ask me but I just wouldn't be able to meet the responsibilities. Ask someone else who is in a position to really DO her bridesmaids' duties." Any "why not?" questions should be met with vague but firm answers like "It's just impossible" and "I'll let you know if things change". IF AND ONLY IF the bride directly asks you "Is it about money?" should you mention it. SHE and not you must bring up the topic.

If it comes to that point, the bride may or may not offer to cover your expenses. That leads to problems of its own. First, your 'free ride' must be kept a deep dark secret lest the other attendants become resentful. Second, you would have to be very, very businesslike in determining whether the bride means she will pay for your dress and shoes, or whether she means she will also secretly slip you $200 here and $300 there so that you can meet your share of shower, party, and gift expenses without the knowledge of other attendants. You must also make her aware that her sponsorship doesn't render you her employee -- that you donate as much time as other attendants, but no more.

So even if she offers to "pay your way" you should really think long and hard about accepting. That "other wedding" is a convenient out for you if you'd rather just be a guest and not be "honored" with all that bother.

Just tell her how happy you are for her and how honored you are by the request, but at the current time you must decline. Most people would assume that type of decline is because of money. If she asks for a reason, or is pushy, just say you are not in the position to take on such responsibility, but would give a hand in planning an event, but can not do it at this time.

I would not be offended. It's understandable, if you can't afford it than you can't afford it. Perhaps she will also offer to pay as your other friend had..

I think it's fine to say you can't afford it, and I would not be offended if I were the bride. Don't get into a long explanation, certainly don't bring up the previous misfire.
"I almost hoped you would ask me because I treasure our friendship. But I just cannot afford it. It would mean a lot to me, but there is no money at our house right now."
Then comes the important part:
"Can I do something else to be part of the wedding? Preside over the cake or registry or act as greeter?"
Probably you could afford to do something that doesn't cost more than a nice haircut and maybe some new dressy shoes!

No I would not be offended. Anyone who would be obviously has no clue about finances.

She should not be offended if you cannot afford it. If anything, she'll be disappointed, but she should understand. Could you sell your old dress on eBay and maybe make some money?

Hi. First of all, wait until she asks (if she does.) Then explain to her that you are honored, but simply cannot afford it.

No, if it was me, I would not be offended in the least. Of course, you want your friends involved in your wedding, but everyone has their own financial issues and she, as a friend, should be able to understand yours.

PS.....if you are ever asked to be in other weddings.....I have never heard of the maid of honor hosting the engagement party. That is usually the parents (at least where I live it is.)

Good luck!

I think that you should be honest and tell her you would love to but can't afford the dress... since you put so much time into the last wedding, maybe she will help this time... I'm getting married in August and the girl I wanted for my maid of honor told me she couldn't afford her dress so I bought it as my gift to her for being in my wedding... It just wouldn't be the same without her and to me not having her was not an option... as for the parties, like the bridal shower and bachelorette party, ask the other girls for help... you can plan a bridal shower for not a lot of money... and the bachelorette party doesn't have to cost a lot either.

I wouldn't be offended. I'd understand.

I wouldn't be offended if a friend declined based on financial reasons at all. Actually, my friend who is being my MOH is in college so I know money doesn't come easily to her right now since she is paying for tuition and living expenses on her own. I am going to be paying for her dress and a portion of her hair and make-up (I know she will want it done professionally), and she will be paying for the gas to get there and the accomadations while she is there. So that was our compromise, but if she can't afford that I understand as well.

I hope your friend is understanding :-D.

no she shouldn't especially after the first time. if it's so important for you to be in her wedding she should offer to pay for your stuff if you can't. otherwise you can tell her you'd be honored to be a guest at her wedding