How to forgive the unforgivable in marriage?

I am in a marriage that is anything but wonderful. There are more sorrows, and pain than joy. My spouse is very emotionally/verbally/physically abusive. The latter is not as frequent as the former. I had to file a police report 2 weeks ago; and beg that he not be arrested. I have said I would move forward and try to forgive. I don't want my children to come from a broken home. I also don't want my children thinking this is an acceptable way to treat people. My self-worth is gone, and I literally feel empty inside. I cringe when my husband touches me, or says he loves me. I really am trying to move forward; but am having a very difficult time. The damage is done. He always says sorry afterwards; but, seriously...over and over again. I couldn't even begin to type all the names I have been called. The ways in which I have been degraded and put down, belittled, and abused. Everyone who knows the situation agrees that I am a good wife; and that he has issues. Please help.

To: CAL: My children are very well taken care of. I have removed them from the room whenever I see things getting bad. I am hurt, and having a hard time forgiving...but I am not vicious. My husband holds very respectable jobs for our country. I wouldn't jeopardize that for him. That's why I chose to not have him arrested. I don't want him to be in trouble; I just want him to get help. I am a Christian woman, and I don't believe in divorce. I am trying so hard-to honor the vow...for better or for worse. I appreciate everyones comments but, please don't criticize me....that's the last thing I need. I am doing the best I can.

what you have described is not a marriage at all, he should respect you and he's obviously not doing that.
you done him a huge favour by not letting the police take him away and he should of been very greatful!!!!!!

as for your children i'm sure they love their mummy and wouldnt want any harm to come to you, so broken marriage or not they will just be happy you still have self worth after what he has put you through.

its hard to let go of someone you have loved for a long time but its far better to admit he is no good for you and to get away from it than you staying with him and being walked all over.

i'm sure your friends, family and children will respect you for getting out of there. no matter how many times he says sorry after its done those words dont mean anything.

you need to be a strong independant woman for yourself and for your kids. don't you dare let a man like that use you as a door mat.

good-luck hun i'm sure you will make us proud!

Take your children and leave this relationship NOW.
Seek out counseling for you and your children.

Instead of sitting here typing, you should be packing your bags and getting yourself and your kids out of that situation.

Oh sweetie I am so sorry you are living in this hell. You and your children do not deserve this. Would you rather them come froma broken home or see all this trauma?

Sometimes we have to FORGET what everyone says and do what we know is best. If that means leaving (which it does), just know you are protecting your kids. You will be much happier.

Also, open your Bible. You will find help there.

Edit*** Easier said than done, I know, but you need professional help and support from your family as well. GET OUT!

Some times, a woman needs to come to a point of knowing when it is time to let go. You've been a good wife and you have kept up your part of the bargain. It isn't fair for you to live your life in a hell with this man.

I know I will probably get flack for saying this, but why even live if you are going to spend the rest of your life unhappy? I think you should give him one more opportunity to make things right and then move on if he refuses to change.

Remember that YOU are the prize. He needs to win you back, not the other way around.

Good Luck!

I'm not sure there is a marriage. It sounds like an abusive relationship. Please don't subject your kids to this any longer. You need to find a way out. Ask friends/family for some help already.

It will never ever stop! leave him now. maybe someone will do you a favor and shoot him

I agree with the first answer. Take the kids and leave.

Listen girl, you marriage sounds over. You need a break at least. You can't raise children feeling like you do. One day your kids will leave then what?

Everyone deserves respect, love and kindness, you could be alone and happy, you could be with someone who treats you well, who cares what you say, who wants to know how your day was.

My husband and I fight sometimes, but when it comes right down to it, he loves me more then anything, you deserve to be the center of someones life.

:) go see a councilor

leave now and don't look back. Your kids will grow up respecting you for taking matters and thier lives into your hands and getting them out of an awful situation. They will learn more from this than living in a abusive household. He may not be touching the kids now, but wait, he will one day.

if he gets physical then it's time to pack kids and all......anger turning into a rage eventually becomes a habit and prolonged it's what gets women killed. Sure the guys sorry afterwards....but, it doesn't change a thing for the kids left behind. I know. I used to be like that. Tell him anger controll classes or he needs to get ready for the single life. He's not worth dying for.

Well that is good that you have people supporting you and saying that you are a good spouse, you should take that advice and leave this guy! All woman are beautiful and don't let anything stop you from leaving this guy. It is wrong in every single way for your husband to lay his hands on you and your children will start to witness this behavior and be scared of him, and when they grow up they could also find it acceptable to treat woman like that... you need to leave this guy asap. For as much pain you are feeling now physically and emotionally, think of how great it will be when you don't have to deal with it anymore. Let his problems be his problems, and leave him. This isn't love, and I'm sorry. You need to really LEAVE THIS GUY asap and go on a vacation to pamper yourself because you, just like any woman are beautiful and you need to realize that you can not be treated in this way. It may be a long and stressful process, but trust me it will definetly pay off in the future. I would also consent in your friends and let them know what is happening and they will most likely help you in any way to try to help. What are you waiting for, pick up the phone!!!!

LEAVE!!!!!!!!!

Time to get out was a long time ago. The children are already living in a broken home. Get out and it will be better. For you and them.

He will never change!!! It'll only get worse!!! I was in your same situation and I thought that I didn't want my daughter to come from a broken home either but atleast with me alone, she is in a healthy and tranquil environment...Please don't put your children or yourself in danger. Leave him now before your children are scarred for life!!! My heart goes out to you! Be strong, it'll be worth it at the end!!!

leave him. take your kids and get some help.

Leave right now, for the sake of your children.

Since he is the father of you children as well,try to forgive him,only for one time.

get counseling now!!!! build up your own inner strength in order to decide for once and for all if this is how you want to spend your life living day to day. you know this is a bad example to the kids, so run with that!!!

Leave him. He crossed the line.

Is time to move on. Be fair to yourself and your children. Is already a broken home with the man that brings violent to the home for your kids to see.

How to FORGIVE the UNFORGIVABLE. I must be missing something. You almost got rid of your problem but begged not for this to end. your happy with your life your just kinda venting right now. are you waiting for the best as$ kickin in the world? wait til he influences the children with his ways, I guess thats best for them. hopefully someone outside the home will see this and get those kids away from the 2 of you.

Coming from a broken home is better than living in this mess. You need to get them out of there right now. You deserve a little happiness and so do they. This stresses them out more than it does you. The are scared and do not feel safe.

Honey, your children are ALREADY in a broken home...

By staying with them, you are teaching them these behaviors are acceptable to DO and RECEIVE.

You said it..."The damage is done."

YOU have to ability to not have anymore damage be done to your children.

You have to leave right now honey! You and your children are your main priority right now so get the hell out of there and find them a safe abuse free environment.
Your husband is a gutless bastard who needs to spend time behind bars so you can get out of his house and far, far away from this mongrel.
If you have to change your name so he can't find you but you have to get out to protect your children, he'll turn on them next.

I hope you have the desire and love to do this, sure it will hurt but leaving is much better than continual beatings and abuse.

If not for yourself, DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS!

You have no choice but to leave this man and the sooner the better. If he has been physically abusive to you then what makes you think he would not be abusive to you children some day?

You are making excuses for a man who is emotionally sick and is not going to get better as long as he gets away with doing anything he wants to you.

Get rid of him and get on with your life, find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Good Luck

I am so sorry for you ! It sounds like the best thing for you to do is to get out while you can. This person will control your life so you will not be able to get out.. He will treat your children the same way he treats you. I am sorry I know this is not what you want to hear. but this is true. So RUN , RUN as fast as you can, and don't look back at this jerk! You do not want someone like this ,DO YOU ?

Just leave. There seems to be no hope. If you feel this bad, what can be done to change things. I hope you and your kids can find happiness and peace of mind.

So sorry sweetie, but your children ARE in your broken marriage too.
You do need to get yourself and them out of this situation. You cannot allow them to see you being pulled down like that. Do you want your sons doing that to their girlfriends/wives, because they accept it as normal? Do you want your daughters accepting that sort of behavior from their partners, because they have never been shown better? Take them out of this and show them that there is a healthier way to live, than just to survive the brutality.
If you are a good parent, then that is what you need to do.
If after you go, he is willing and committed to getting help, then maybe down the track he can be in contact with the kids again, but right now he's poison.

"The ways in which I have been degraded and put down, belittled, and abused. "


Been here just 4 years ago. Finally I thought I didn't want my kids from a broken home but I didn't want my son to think it was okay to treat a woman this way. KNow what- he already does. ME! He is 6 and talks to me with so much disprespect! We are daily working on this and its slowly getting better. I don't want my son abusing another woman when he marry's; physical or verbal! It's not right. I felt so worthless. I am now remarried and my husband works so hard to build me back up. It's a long process but its happening. I feel like I matter now.



Everyone who knows the situation agrees that I am a good wife; and that he has issues.

Same here. He still does. 4 years later, he lives with his momma and talks trash to her. (Of course not near what he did to me). No respect.

You do not want your boys to do this when they grow up and you do not want your daughters to think it is okay to be treated like this.

Ok, take a daughter for instance. She calls home crying at the age of 23 that her husband is calling her all the names your being called. IMMEDIATLEY, you are going to tell her to leave and come to you. She deserves better!

Your no different. There is goverment aid and family and friends somewhere. Call on them and go! QUICKLY!

Well I think that it is time to get out because next time you might not be so lucky also the children are already being affected because they are around when he is doing this to you and they are going to think that kind of behavior is ok so you need to get out now. I know that they say oh it won't happen again and then it does. I know that the damage is done but the kids still have a chance and how do you know next time it won't be on your kids. If he is beating on you how do you know that he won't beat on them. Just pack some bags and get out because he will never change. Good Luck.