Should I be OK with the occasional phone call to ex. affair offender?

Married 13 years - 3 kids. I slowly became withdrawn & complacent Rather than face up, decided things were done & pursued someone from my martial arts school & my wife started a long-distance affair.
Fast forward 鈥?we鈥檝e had many very deep heart-to-hearts & gave each other a second chance. She said she鈥檚 done. I joined a new school. We are working hard to love again & things are going very well.

But she continues to call the 鈥榚x鈥? Says trying to stop but has compassion for him because we鈥檙e getting back together & he filled her emotional needs when I didn鈥檛 which I take responsibility for.

But now I want the calls to stop because deep-down I still feel threatened & I鈥檝e told her this. I trust she鈥檚 committed to me & trying to be understanding. Should I be OK with the occasional phone call?

Been there done that on your wife's side. She needs to stop because calling him will bring up feeling for him and take away what she is working on for you. From her point of view I know it's hard, I finally deleted his number from everything I had, prayed for strength and anytime I wanted to call him I went and hugged my hubby. Yes there are still days I think about him but I made a commitment 20 plus years ago and I am married to the man God intended.

Once I started showing more attention to my husband it came back tenfold. Perhaps if you started doing sweet nothings, expecting nothing in return mind you, your fun and romance can be rekindled. Report It

We're kinda in the same boat now - just starting over again kinda like dating w/o all the awkwardness. I show way more attention now & do sweet nothings. I made a bad decision & she's mine to lose again if I choose. If only I had just kept doing those things in the first place... Report It

She needs to cut it off with him - otherwise she is still cheating on you emotionally.

i would feel the same as you do. it's really hard to forgive and move on, when part of the original problem is still in the picture. i would try talking to her again because you have a very valid point. best of luck!

NO!
No contact is the ONLY way to start into recovery!

There is some Great information on this website. There's also a forum full of very helpful people. It has helped me and my marriage into recovery.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

He is a person too- maybe you should both go talk to him to help in settle it in his head so he doesn't turn into a stalker or something. Clearly he can't take no from only her.

But everyone does need closure. Get some nuts and confront him with your wife.

I would say it needs to end. First of all you both need to admit that you are both at fault, neither one is more to blame than the other. For you two to work it out she needs to stop talking to the man she was having an affair with. She needs to show that she is fully commited to you and your relationship because right now, she is trying to keep one foot in his door just in-case you guys can't make it work.

No, you should not be OK with it and if she were 100% committed to fixing things she would cut all contact. She should not call him ever again and if he calls her she needs to ignore his calls/delete messages without listening to them. Better yet, she should change her number. You are right to feel the way you do.

no, you talked and agreed on the steps to take.
she is not being fair and giving ur marriage a go.

She is still emotionally attached to a man other than her husband, that is equivalent to cheating. Unless you pick up an occasional call to your ex. She is abusing you with the guilt trip, she has not forgiven you completely, thus the justification for continuing the affair.

Have her end it or decide what you are going to do living as a triple, not a couple. You need to be prepared for the worst which mean losing her to him, which seems like the case already.

Her calling an ex FB is playing with fire.
No, I wouldn't suggest you "be OK with the occasional phone call." The reminders will be strong, and continued contact will only keep them strong.
The point of your rebuilding work is to create a new marriage. Awfully hard to do that when part of her energy is still going toward this other fellow.

no you shouldnt be ok with the occasional phone calls, if she needs emotional fulfillment she should go to you now since the two of you are trying to patch things up and move on.

No - straight answer this is not ok.

I made my husband call her while I was sitting right there to tell her that this would never happen and they couldn't talk anymore.

She is talking to him because of his feelings? Sorry but WTF!!! It's your feelings she needs to be concerned with. And if you both cheated then I am sorry right now both of you are not allowed to contact any ex's or have "friends" of the opposite sex, it's not allowed because there is no trust right now.

I know how you are feeling, even after my husband quit talking to her she was still e-mailing him so I e-mailed her and threatened to send all of their correspondence to her husband (to help in their divorce).

No! She's playing you and keeping her options open.

NO!!! It is not okay.

If you are in a relationship with someone it is their responsibility to make sure you feel secure in that relationship (within means).

You have the complete right to not want her to talk to him.

If you feel threatened than you need to tell her... and she needs to respect that. If she doesnt, you need to think about if she really wants this to work...