For Those Of You in Long-Term Relationships?

When you've been with someone for a long time, I'm talking 5 years plus, do you still get the same feeling looking in their eyes? Do you still look at them and find them as sexually attractive? Do you still look forward to phone calls, texts, and seeing them after work?

Most of that is gone for me. I love my partner, but I'm not sure I'm still in love. And I just want to know if those "super amazing" feelings in the beginning just fade over time, or if I'm just not in love anymore. I love being around her, but those feelings of passion are gone. And it's not that I just don't feel them for her, I feel like right now if you threw a super hot model in front of me, I wouldn't even be interested....is this normal?

And I'd appreciate real answers from people who have been together a long time, not people still in the first year or so of a relationship. Thank you.

Those feelings have to fade at least some. Remember how your heart used to race and you'd get all excited? That's adrenaline. We aren't designed to maintain that level of excitement for a long period of time. Long term relationships, particularly marriage, require a huge amount of effort. Sometimes it feels as if it's not worth it. When you don't have all those mushy feelings, and it's been a long time since you were excited about being together, and maybe sex is happening less often than you would like, it begins to feel like a lot of work. I think that's when most people decide that there has to be someone better out there. And there might be, but the feelings you have for the new person will fade over time, too. I can remember thinking, after dates when my bf would drop me off at home, how much I wished we could just stay together, sleep in the same bed, and wake up together in the morning. Now, I still love him, but I sometimes almost wish I didn't have to look at him every day. You just have to learn to go with the new stage of your relationship. Just try to always remember what made you fall in love with her in the first place. Sometimes you have to try hard to remember that. One thing that always helps me is when I start seeing things about him that I'm sick of, instead of focusing on those things, and everything that's wrong with him, I try to see things I can change about myself. You just have to really try hard to keep a relationship going. It's a cliche, but it really is NOT 50/50. Each person has to give 100%.

Yes.... I'm still very in love with my husband after 8 years of marriage. We are both happy to see each other when he comes home from work. I call him during the day to see how he's doing and to hear his voice. I think he is the sexiest man alive. He is more attracted to me than when we dated.

I will admit that most married couples that we encounter or know personally don't have the relationship that we do.

I have had a long term relationship.

Relationships as you probably already know take work....


Sometimes your relationship can get old or boring.

Try new things

I think this is normal.... and I think if you give her up you will miss everything you are used to. Whatever traditions you two have you will miss them.... my advice is stay with her.... wait it out... and try new things.... romantic things
Sit down and think about how different it would be without her.
Sex drive goes up and down.... it is not always in full throttle and that is normal (dry spells if you will).

Normally after about 2 years together the relationship settles down from that initial excitement to a more down-to-earth long lasting relationship.

the love that ur feeling is a more mature love...u dont have to be head over heels in love with eachother...of course that fades away..its not love if it doesnt.
i think maybe it has nothing to do with her..i think u are a bit depressed...u need to find a way 2 make u happy before u feel happy with her.

Sweetie ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs and I understand what ur talking about and I struggle with that also because my boyfriend has gained a lil weight, he doesnt have his 6pack anymore, romance isnt always there, but its love. You have to think, do you go home and want to tell him how ur day went and u want to tell him everything and hes ur bestfriend and he loves you and doesnt cheat on u and would do anything for you....if u answered yes to all those, then ur still in love and things will work out. You two just need to spark up ur relationship and it happens...when u see the same person everyday, it gets "old" ya kno....why dont u plan a lil vacation away from everything for a few days. Pick a hotel, buy some sexy lingerie

My Bf and I are having this same problem. He has lost interest in sex, He has joint pain, depression, fatigue, and feels blah most of the time. He went to the Dr. and found out he has a low testosterone level. You might want to check with your Fam Physician if you are having any of these symptoms. good luck.

well here it is, Relationships are work, and they take work to keep the fire, from both sides of the relationship.

in five years time, you have learned so much about each other, the mystery has really begun to fade, and those little fun moments when you caught her smile, well you've seen them before.

what i ask you then, was why was that smile so special, it wasn't the white of her teeth, it was the emotion behind, the elation of the moment is what encapsulated you.

Man if you felt that five years ago, do not give up, try!!!

stop looking for those moments and create them, you will again see tat smile, cause buddy the time you saw that smile, you created it

People don't just keep being amazing for us, we create amazing moments.

My friend go find your gal, and make her smile, take that memory and make it last a while

I was married for 43 yrs ( husband passed away ) and the feeling never changed I just loved him more everyday we had together.

i've been married for nearly 16 years, most of what you describe is what i feel. i love my husband, a lot of things he's done has worn down the marriage, but it's just that things change, they evolve. some couples always have that same 'when i fell in love' feeling, intense, passionate; but for most they drift into something comfortable and easy, routines, kids, work, and it's all different. does not mean you dont love her, or that you are not in love with her, no, you just love her differently. and that comfortable easy feeling is what can make a marriage fall apart if someone else comes along who's fresh and stimulating...sadly.

When you have been with someone for several years(married or not) you go through times like this.It is perfectly normal.You love each other but the WOW feelings fade,then the Wow feeling come back.It is a cycle.Not every moment will be great.There are times when you look at your partner and say why am I with this person.There are times when you feel like the happiest and luckiest person on earth.That's just how it is.If anyone in a long tern relationship tells you that they have never felt this way they are not telling the truth.No relationship is perfect.

23 years later and I still get that smirk every time I look at her and how lucky I am. Each day that goes by I am thankful and happy. She says I keep her young. I say she keeps me young. Look for the positive and not the negative.

Hmmm...sometimes yes. Not always, because we're more comfortable around each other than we were in the beginning, so some of the butterflies & passion are gone. What I wouldn't give for that "first kiss" feeling with him again...

I do find him sexually attractive, in a way that isn't like, "omg, who's that guy with the HOT bod?" but knowing what that out of shape body is capable of drives me wild. lol. So that's all still there, just in a different way.

I love his phone calls from work, and his good night text messages, the ones in the morning telling me he's on his way home (he works nights) or when he just says "thinking of you, can't wait to get home"...make me feel fuzzy inside. It's nice to know I'm loved and that he's thinking of me.

We do have passion but it comes in spurts. You have to work at it. If it gets neglected, it starts to die down a bit. We use text messages as foreplay at times, send each other messages of what we're in for when he gets home or sometimes we text when there are kids in the room, or at a restaurant with friends...gives us a little fun and the sex is always hot afterwards.

yeah i have been with my partner for 4 plus years and i often have the same feelings as your experiencing.at first it was just the buzz of seeing them and getting to know them and know that the honeymoon period has worn off you feel like its boring and that there is nothing else to come.i know that i do love my partner its just things need to have a lift.

18 years. Agree with "Handyman" above. The initial passion burns out. You've heard the old saying ... put a penny in a jar every time you make love in your first two years ... then take a penny out every time thereafter .. you'll never empty the jar. Your stallion days are ending. To use a sports analogy, it's time for you to give up being a fastball pitcher and go for finesse. With proper work, dedication and attention, a long-term married relationship can go past that initial fire and change into something warm and long-burning. You have the chance for more subtle excitement here. You know each other's moves VERY well, small variations are more exciting and significant than ever before, and you can do something excitingly different now and then (dressing up? role reversal? secret desires that you couldn't admit before now?) just because it varies your usual repertoire. And you wouldn't be interested in the super hottie because you know now that sex with this long-term partner is so much more meaningful than a one-nighter with a new person would be (plus, wouldn't you hate to have to try to be a stallion again? She's SO comfortable!) Plus, you don't have to worry about STDs or all that crap if you don't stray and she doesn't. That's a load off your mind, huh. She'll go from someone you're passionately in love with to someone you singularly understand because you've been through a lot with her. That's nearly as good. Good luck to you both. Let me know if this helped.

I have been married for 9 years and we have 3 young boys. Yes I still look forward to my husband calling home on his lunch hour, and I love to just look into his eyes it makes me feel loved and protected. As if you couldn't guess that I still find him sexually attractive by having 3 kids with him.lol. I cant tell you what to do in your situation but I will tell you that if you don't love her don't drag her along.

Nice question. Aww yes , cant wait till he gets home from work , i still stare at him from across the room. appericating every part of his body, and before my eyes leave him the thought of i love this man echos. its not so much as passion, coz after a while passion fades.. its more or less apperication.and comfort.like a family air lume that is priceless but if it was gone it break your heart.. know what i mean? I admit our relationship isnt as exciting as it was before.. but im comfortable where i am and i have everything i need, and thats enought for me. I always find ways to spice it up or keep in touch, not just in getaways or sex. but in small chats...lil nips here and there, hugs all that. when hes happy im happy.
Anyway enought mushy. Its about apperication, compassion of share force for that person being satisfied or comfortable. Passion like the feeling you got in at start.. rush off flying stuff. Single people will have that alot more then long terms, being they can date as many new ppl as they like and get it every single time.:) 8yrs going on 9:)

I am in the same boat. When I get a call from my husband, I don't get excited anymore. Neither does he. I really miss that feeling, but unfortunately, I believe that "In love" feeling only lasts in the very beginning. Just thinking about my relationships with past boyfriends, it was the same way. The first month or so was always the best and everything died from there. I've been with my husband for 7 years and my other relationships averaged only 4 months. The reason why we lasted this long is because we BOTH want to work at it. All my other xbfs gave up on me.

Five years plus and I'll admit the little things that were easy to overlook can annoy me more, but I do still get the same feeling when I look into his eyes, see his cute little dimples and even with 30 extra pounds, he still looks as sexy to me as ever. He calls me every day from work, I miss it when he doesn't and even before I read this, I've been waiting for the moment he walks through the door to give him a big hug.
It's not that same "super amazing", every chance we can get feeling it was in the beginning, but something deeper, the hug tonight will be amazing and it's still super amazing every time the sparks fly.
If it's not just her, but a lack of interest in general, it's probably something more than your relationship and you'll have to look deep inside yourself to know what is leaving it all feeling so flat....

13yrs second hubby. I say same as others make a special date to bring back some of the WOW, But What worries me this can be a timid time that the grass might look greener on the other side but remember it ain't.

Marriage is like a roller coaster with lots of ups and down, twists and turns. It also goes through lots of different fazes of love. Falling in love, being in love, loving each other, knowing each other with love, the longer you are with someone the better it gets. Yes, it is different but a good different. The more storms you make it through the better it gets. You do have to work at it everyday to make it the best marriage. It depends on how much work you want to put into it to make it the best marriage it can be. I have been married for 12 years and still loving it!

You get what you put into a relationship. When you stop complimenting each other, appreciating each other, doing little things to keep that spark alive - it will wane and fade. It is probably still there.
I have said it before - just seeing my husband across the room takes my breath away; looking into his eyes and seeing the love and desire still there is enough to melt my heart. Having him call me, just to say I love you or to hold me when I'm down; it is all so sexy and full of love.
24 years together and we are always both amazed that it is 'like we met yesterday' after all these years.
Start giving - and you will get back two fold.

Five years, and I love my husband very much. The heat that I felt in the beginning has been replaced something special, it's been replaced by the warmth and security that I feel whenever I'm with him.

Our relationship isn't perfect (no one's is), we've had our ups and downs, but we always reconcile after an argument. I've been married before, but this is the first time that the intimacy and the loving feelings have simply gotten stronger over the years.

I hope your relationship works out.

I feel the same way you do. 7 years together not feeling the same about him. I still love him. I believe marriage is forever.