How can I rewrite this statement with better descriptive words?

Managing the tremendous amount of information that revolves around demand, products and inventory is probably the single most difficult鈥攜et most critical鈥攖ask to accomplish in order to avoid surplus inventory.
Industrial distributors must maintain accurate demand statistics by item, product, period, location and customer. It is critical to implement a business system that allows tracking of promotional, internal transfer, component, special order and direct demand. Order cancellations and substitution demand can erroneously boost demand data.
Classify items based on product life cycle such as 鈥渘ew,鈥?鈥渞ising,鈥?or 鈥渄eclining.鈥? Also, classify items by customer agreement and demand pattern as well as by criticality, which refers to slow-moving service items required to retain business.

Honest opinion?


Managing the tremendous amount of information that revolves around demand; products and inventory

(I put a semi-colon in there because it needs more pause)

Other than that and separating out a couple of paragraphs I think you should leave it alone. Unless you're wanting a rock scientist to be able to read it.

You've enough "big" words. "Tremendous", maintain, implement, erroneously..

All those are enough in such a short article.

I think it looks good as is.

Hope that helps some.

~~Lisa

Managing the tremendous amount of information that revolves around demand, products and inventory is probably the single most difficult鈥攜et most critical鈥攖ask to accomplish in order to avoid surplus inventory.

When managing information about demand, the most difficult part is managing products and inventory. But the most critical to avoid surplus.

I think you use to many words it makes it look confusing.

I didn't read the rest, but its probably the same way. Make sure you say why you believe the above statement to be true.

I don't think you need to make any changes. This statement is going to make perfect sense to the people you are directing it toward. The average joe won't have a clue what it pertains to, however! Looks good to me :)

Managing information important.

how can you possibly make that any more descriptive hahaha

There's nothing wrong with it.