This question is about my mother. She has never been good to me, my brother or little sister. I have moved out of the house and am married, so I am not living there anymore.
While I was growing up it was one party after another with drugs, drinking and lots and lots of guys- drunk ones. She was heavily into witchcraft and still is. I was made fun of because of the witchcraft business..
My little sister has some problems. She kills animals. I am not joking here. My mom got mad at me because she wanted me to keep my little sister overnight and I don't trust her. I have three kids of my own. My little sister was and still is being abused. I think that is what happened to her.
My mom got mad at me because I would not keep her and she called Social Services on me and the children's mother (two of the three are step kids) and told her I was abusive to them. I am not.
I found out that she had been calling Social services on me all along. They have been to my house three times since.. Christmas. She was the one making the calls and she told me.
In the past I have forgiven her for a lot of things. For sleeping with my boyfriend, for being abusive to me, for cussing at me, for sometimes beating me, for getting me made fun of while I was in school.
When is it alright to stop talking to her altogether?
Would I be wrong to not make an attempt at making up with her?
I know I should forgive her, but do I have to continue to have her in my life from a Biblical standpoint?
Also, I feel like I have no loyalty to her anymore. Is that wrong because the Bible says to Honor thy father and mother?
Please, any advice at all would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance and sorry it was so long. To survive such a childhood and to be a competent carer for children says a great deal about your inner capacity. I salute you.
My understanding of "honour thy father and mother" does not include having to continue with relationships that are damaging. Psychologically speaking, you need, for the sake of yourself, your partner and your children, to create distance between you and your mother. You can honour the fact that your mother gave birth to you and provided some sort of home for you without having to have contact with her. God does not want you to be loyal to that which is bad for you and your family. You do not have to be loyal in order to honour what can be honoured.
It sounds as if you would benefit from creating some real distance between you and your mother, probably having minimal contact with her.
Regarding your sister - you don't say how old she is. If she needs to looked after overnight, it sounds as if she is fairly young, under 14. Her behaviour is very concerning, but ultimately you cannot be responsible for that. I'm not thinking of that biblical comment "am I my brother's keeper?" but of the psychological necessities of this situation. If she has already been noted as being psychologically disturbed, I would hope that something would be happening to monitor her (but I don't know the U.S. ways of doing things through social services or the medics). Is there anything more you could do by way of alerting relevant services to your concerns about her?
Forgiveness is not a one-off event but a long process. Not everything can be forgiven. What matters, spiritually, is that you keep in touch with yourself, with what feels right for you and the people for whom you are responsible, and that you work to come to terms with what has been and what is. To thine own self be true....... (OK, that's Shakespeare and not the bible). Pray, meditate or do whatever your own tradition suggests to you. Do not do unto others that which is hateful to you - you know what it means to have your mother in your life, so don't inflict it on your children. I am so sorry to hear that. I suggest you ask for help from the professionals or a group that can help you prove that she is not mentally healthy to take care of your little sister.
Honoring and respecting means you have to help them in spite of what she has done to you and I think you have not been rude to her inspite of what happened. Forgiveness sometimes is easier said than done, the fact that you have been able to says a lot about you.
Personally, I feel being a mom is more than just giving birth and from the sound of it your mom hasn't been much of one to you.
I don't think you or your children would benefit from having her 'in' your family. I don't see how anyone could hold it against you for cutting any ties between you and her.
My heart goes out to you for all the suffering you've gone through. Not quite ready to call you Abraham, but the point I wanted to make was that God called Abraham out from his family and then later, His son married his brothers daughter I believe. You need to seperate from her dysfunction by moving or disconnecting your |
