I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired..What should i do?

I'm 21 & fresh College grad in Business Admin.My father is an alcoholic & has been like that way before I was born.My mom left us to work abroad when i was 6 coz of my dad's abusive behavior & alcoholism.I just learned last September that my mom has a new family in Germany w/ a 7 yr old son.I feel so dejected & alone w/ my alcoholic dad who frequently drinks almost everyday & becomes loud, angry & doesn't care if he turns on the radio so loud & disturbs the neighbors. I feel greatly ashame, helpless & hopeless w/ my situation. I feel anger, shame, guilt, fear most of the time even though i try hard to pray & be optimistic, be a good person & cling on to God's mercy that someday I will be set free from this situation I鈥檓 in for so so long. I feel it鈥檚 so unfair that I have to go thru this kind of life. My dad didn't have work & it was my granddad & aunts who supported us financially, basic necessities (both for my dad & grandma) & my education. I tried to advice my dad but he won't listen.I am so sick & tired & desperately want to live a happy, normal & successful life free from living in worry & fear everytime I go home finding my dad drunk again that I would intentionally go home from school late at night when he is asleep already & the house is peaceful again.I feel miserable finding no place to stay and it鈥檚 scary to be out there in the streets even if I am tired from school and longs to go home and have a good rest or sometimes prefer to surf the net in an internet caf茅 until late at night rather than bear the shame hiding in my room crying & enduring my dad鈥檚 wastedness. I feel a bit better since currently I am working in my aunt鈥檚 caf茅 for almost a year now as a graveyard shift cashier just so I could escape the painful situation at home since I have a room to sleep in our caf茅 where I can run to when I don鈥檛 want to sleep at home bec. of my dad.I am earning below minimum wage w/c is enough since my aunt takes care of our utilities. But now I decided to leave my current job to earn bigger & make use of my College degree. But I鈥檓 afraid that I have to live the hell like before, cold, scared out in the streets bec. my aunt won鈥檛 accept me in the caf茅 anymore once I decided to work in another company. I don鈥檛 want to live in my aunt鈥檚 place coz I don鈥檛 want to be a burden to them. They live in a posh subdivision since they are pretty well-off. Do you think I would survive if I decided to find a better job like in a call center, earn a lot of money there so I can afford to find a place on my own so I could try as much as possible avoid living in hell w/ my dad? But will a sensitive person like me with low self-esteem survive in a call center job? I can鈥檛 think of faster and decent way to earn big. If I choose a corporate position, im afraid basic pay is barely enough I feel sorry too for my grandma had a stroke & Alzheimer鈥檚 & uses a wheelchair to carry her around & is tended by 3 caregivers provided by my aunt .In our culture, kids still must care for their parents, so is this plan of mine to move for my own鈥檚 sake make me a bad & selfish person bec. I won鈥檛 have much time to take care of my grandma if I would live like a transient. Will my dad see the light that he鈥檚 gonna lose me if he won鈥檛 change?

Move out. Find a place that you can afford and also save money. Find a place that might centralize you between family and school. That way when you want to see your family you can. You can find a place with good security just look. Don't be afraid. Once you are on your own you will breath, grow and feel better. You can focus on yourself and see what you need.

go see a doctor maybe they can help you

OMG, take a breath dear! Listen, your folks dropped the ball in a big way. They have both abandoned you, and now your life is revolving around their issues and your other family member's issues. It's like your folks didn't take care of you, so you are trying to take care of everyone you know...except you. You have a degree, you sound very intelligent, so get a job that will make you happy. If you can't make ends meet, then get a 2nd job. Just get away from your family, as they seem to drag you down to a very dark place. Keep holding onto God, he will see you thru.