Feedback on a college essay??? please!!....Part 1 (part 2 in second post)?

My first impression of Northwestern was formed in the spring of 2007 when I visited campus. From the moment I walked on campus I immediately felt welcome; the personality and flavor of the school seemed to be just the right balance between serious academics and a comfortable living environment. The campus seemed to be centered around student life and student success rather than a prestigious reputation and cut-throat competition. Furthermore, Northwestern is close enough to Chicago that one can take full advantage of the city鈥檚 near endless resources yet is secluded enough that campus life isn鈥檛 lost and overtaken by the hustle and bustle of the city. I see this as a particular advantage for my pursuit of a double major in economics and political science at the Weinberg College. The business and government life of the city supplements the curriculum by providing further resources for study and by serving as a practical application of my education.

I think you have a good start... but you need to convey more emotion when you write this. Keep this, but I would go back and free write for about 20 mins, try to fill up a page.

The way I would do this is if you are at a computer, put a piece of paper over the screen, and then just type for the twenty minutes without stopping- forget about grammar and coherence for the time being. Get out what your real feelings are about this school. Just let it flow.

Now that you have a couple hundred words, take a look at your essay. Clarify each point you want to make, then back it up with a strong or clear example. Now elaborate.