Poor college student needs easy money?

Serious answers only, please. NO preaching, NO lectures, and NO 'get-a-job-you-bum' sh*t.

I'm a poor college student in a small (20,000 people) town pretty far from home. I'm male and 25 years old. I have less than a thousand bucks, a nearly-dead car, and some meager possessions. That's it.

I have nothing I can really sell. The only thing I can think of is the plasma center, which will pay your a paltry sum for your blood donation.

Anyone know of a way to make some easy money? I can't find a job on campus, and AM NOT WILLING to look for one off-campus - need to concentrate on classes, not some time-consuming job at a local business that cares nothing for my school schedule.

I just need some quick cash.

I'm NOT a party animal, won't spend this on booze or drugs. I don't even have much of a social life here. I mainly need this for food and a replacement car.

Again, I need some easy money.

Serious answers, please. I'm not willing to become a criminal or prostitute.

Aw. Sounds like you're really in need!
I'm not going to lecture you or tell you to get a job or anything like that. you know what I can't stand?! I can't stand how people tell people "get a job"..without knowing the situation they're in. I lived about an hour away from civilization and didnt have a car, and when i would say how i need a car/money. people would actually have the nerve to tell me to get a job. HOW?!
Anyway.
I think you should try filling out online forms for extra money. That's what I do. and I make about 900 bucks a month from it. There's a link in my profile to the sites I use.
I hope things get better!

Study up on web designing and learn some HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and PHP. You can offer to make webpage for the local businesses for a price. Or you can just learn basic computer stuff and help people with their computer problems for a price.