What to do about controlling daughter-n-law,when it comes to grand-baby?

I have a very self centered, controling,childish daughter-in-law that not only wants to be the underminding so call "wife" to our son but she has to have total say in everything my son wishes to do when comes letting their daughter spend quilty time with his family. She tell's him how long he can stay at our home,when he comes and brings the baby to over to our home, and if he stays longer than she's told him too, she starts texting him or calling every five mins. telling him to bring HER baby home NOW, and then when he gets home fusses until an arguement begins, then she'll take the baby to HER families home and stay as long as she wants too. She has called me names several times telling me to mind my own business.What am or should I do??

Try bypassing your son and go straight to your daughter-in-law. Ask her to come for a visit or go to lunch. As her if she would mind going shopping with you as you want to get something for the baby and you would like her to help pick it out.

you poor thing, I am a grandma and that would kill me. Give it time , maybe it will change

Your son needs to grow a pair , thats his baby too. Your grandchild needs time with BOTH sides of the family , But in the end she is the mother respect her space, and demand respect from her. Tell your boy , its time to take a stand !

Mind your own business. This is their baby and their relationship. You really dont have any rights over their kids.

it is almost like fighting over the grandchild .....
when the baby is with you, make sure the dad gets home on time from the visits.
She is using the baby as to control you and your son.
There isn't anything you can do . It is her baby.
But the father can .
He needs to get firm and let her know it is his baby also'
and by her taking the baby to her parents when she wants and for as long as she wants , he can do the same.

This is the woman your son chose to be his wife and the mother of his children. What she is doing most of us would think as being wrong. However, you son allows her to be this way. As long as he wants her in his life and allows it, you don't have much of a choice, but to deal with it the best way you can. The least you say or do about the situation the better off you will be.

Sounds like you need to take her to court.....even though they are trying to stay together or whatever, you can take her to court for either partial custody, or full for her son, OR you canask that a judge INSISTS on visitation rights and schedule it....i am sorry to refer that to you, but she sounds like a vengful and bitter bbitch, and the only way to deal with them is to show them they are not above the law or whats right , like she seems to think she is. Your Son needs to consider if this the life he wants and if he truly wants his daughter to one day act like that in order to get what she wants bc she will if the influence continues, and if he doesn't i would go straight to the full custody trial, and prove that he and you are more a suitable home life and more stable then she and her family are

Why does your son bring the baby over to your house alone? I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe your daughter in law knows how unwelcome she is. You're pretty strong in describing your feelings about her--VERY, self centered, controlling,etc.

Think about it this way--if your mother in law thought that way about you, how would you feel having your baby exposed for great lengths of time to someone who hates the baby's mother? I would feel far more supported as a parent visiting my own parents more often also. "So called wife?" She's the actual wife

Your son needs to grow up a little also. Letting you know about her calls and text messages is inappropriate. Regardless of who you are, you are not entitled to hear about the conflicts in their marriage.

The immaturity of the son/husband here, the fact that you are describing a baby instead of a child---these things tell me that it's all pretty new. You're a new grandmother and mother in law, right? Because this is all new to you, could you spend some time honestly thinking about whether some of this is coming from jealousy? It sounds like it's new that your son is with a wife and not mom anymore. This relationship will evolve, and you will grow into being a mother in law/grandma.

Please be patient here, and do try to mind your own business a little more. It's hard at first, but it will come. Keep your chin up---if you try to consider where she is coming from, and try not to hate her so much, it will get better.

Remember, the only person's actions you can control are your own. Good luck!

There is more to this .....

Why doesn't she come for the visits?

Sounds like there is a relationship that needs to heal between you and her.

I know there was a time in my life that any advice that came from a in-law drove me crazy....it made me feel little and like I couldn't do anything right. Of course after child #3 I knew better...advice still came...I use to or you shouldn't....didn't bother me anymore.

If this is your first grand baby with your son.....I would try to heal that first and if your Son doesn't mind living with his wife and her wants and needs....you re going to have to keep your thoughts to yourself and let him learn....or it will hurt your relationship with him in the long run.

I have probably said and offered more information than needed....one of those people that would like to see all happy...family is more important than schedules and who get to do what and when......our time together even if little should be Cherished and not filled with worries.

Good luck and best wishes

Show your daughter in law a lots of love and extra attention, she may feel that you dont love her like you do her son and your grandchild. I felt that way before but i dont anymore. Call her alot to see how she is doing , do things together and things will change, forgive her behavior because there is a reason for it. Good luck

It sounds like you and your daughter-in-law don't get along at all. If you want to see your grandchild more you need to at least try and put up with her if you can't like her. The first step would be to invite her to come over to the house. It sounds like there is a problem between you guys for sure since your son has to bring the baby and his wife either refuses to come or isn't invited by you. If the baby is very young then I'm sure she doesn't want to be seperated from her for long periods of time and that would explain why she doesn't want her over there for long periods of time and why she gets anxious and calls to find out when he's coming b/c she misses HER (yes I said HER) baby. Think back to when your son was a baby, I'm sure you were pretty posessive especially since it sounds like you still are possessive of him by calling his wife an "undermining so called wife". She IS his wife now and you need to deal with it. I understand you want to see your grand daughter more but that may mean you need to see her mother as well and that you need to understand that your son has a new family now that you need to respect.