My girlfriend of 5 years left me about 3 weeks ago, little did she know that i had bought and engagement ring for her. And about a week ago a cousin of mine died over seas in Iraq. Him and I were really close he was like a younger brother to me, we hung out together all the time he was pretty much my best friend, besides my old girlfriend. I have tried to get my girlfriend to come back to me but she just doesn't want to. Ever since she left I have been really depressed and everyone at my job notices a change in me, I just don't tell them cause its really not there business. I guess my question is is there a way to deal with depression without going to a counselor, or taking any pills? Am I able to go to something like a local rehad center? I am interested i knowing what you all have to say. Depression is the worst thing in the world, i've been there. Days go on forever and nothing cheers you up. i couldn't eat and lost two stone. I went to a hypnotist and that didn't work.
There is no quick slolution, i thought i was never gonna go back to my old happy self, but after a couple of months i started to see the light again. I wasn't completley back to normal but i was just happy not feeling as bad as i did. It's a cliche but time really is a healer, and the only thing that works.
Put all photos away or any memorabilia of those that you loved and now lost. Coz one minute you'll be happy, the the next thing you'll look at something that reminds you of them and it knocks you straight back down again. Its on your mind enough as it is without having things reminding you of it.
If i were you i would just try and go out and be around people that care about ya as much as possible. When you go through times like this you realise how important friends and family really are. It would be ideal to meet someone, they say to get over a lover you must find another.
Life is a roller coaster ride, but things always work out in the end. Remember one thing, you can't feel the highest of highs without experiencing the lowest of lows.
I hope i've been some help i really do. Exercise , Healthy Diet and Sufficient Sleep. go to your regular doctor and ask for advice He/she will know what to recommend then you can decide what to do with that information. You may decide to go to a counselor just for a while It may ne that you feel better after that. Guys dont like asking for help-its not a "man thing", but sometimes you have to buck up and just do it.
Dont give up.
PS Never ever allow anyone to convince you that you should not use medication if your doctor finds you need it you should give it a try.There are safe ones these days.Everything has side effects but there is usually one that will be good and acceptable to you Untreated depression/anxiety and post traumatic stress have lots of "side effects". ot everyone will have those effects and not at every dose The old types of medicines had more of thos e side effects or theperson is confusing antidepressants with the stronger drugs used for schizophrenia-I doubt that is your case...Scare tactics are not good advice. You wont feel weird you may just realize it allow you to get out of bed and DO those other natural things to get better If you cant move off the couch or out of bed and youre isolating yourself you wont get better casue you cant do all the natural things to get better So use th e natural methods alone if you have a mild bad mood or a small letdown But dont rely on that to fix a major episode of depression You dont have to nor should you wait for suicidal thoughts to get better(or turning to alcohol.illegal drugs or other destructive behaviour)
You deserve and need to get the tools to begin to feel better and not lose your job friends,etc Your brain can be overloaded by too many tragedies/bad happennings and serotonin(the "feel good hormone naturally occurring in your brain) production can go down in your brain during depression-its not in your imagination
Getting help is the best thing you can do casue often you cant tell all by yourself how bad the situation is You need an objecive trained person to tell that. depression/post traumatic stress disorder are(as well as others) real brain disorders (that can be cured or put at a lower level)that occurs and just like a diabetic you sometimes need medicine.You can combine that with other natural methods-they call that holistic(treating the whole person) treatment. Orits called integrative medicine-meaning alternative medicine and modern,traditional medicine.
Dont listen to medieval talk that it is all in your imagination and just pull yourself together on your own. Science proves otherwise.
Oh boy sorry but I have to debunk another misconception Putting evrything away of the loved one will not cure your pain Grief is intensely personal and no one can tell you how to do it and when to put away those things You need to experience the grief or it will come back to in even more severe ways You will learn how to tuck it back in your mind an d heart at times when you need to function but you will still need to deal with it on anniverseries.and times that things remind you of that person. This is not bad .It is part of the process. ALso try griefnet.org to chat with other s surving death of loved ones.Only those who have lived through it can tell you anything of worth as far as perosnal real experience.
adding to kencans partially good advice-also taking omega3faty acids-froma fish oil pill(they actually have new ones that say"no fish burps") or flax seed oil(or capsule) or eating salmon etc is a known depression fighter... You can journal, pray. But alone you can only achieve so much. A support group is a healthy place to share your griefs and who knows, something else might surface when you share more. Support groups are places you share with similar others who've grief issues and other issues too. No, don't ever say it to your colleagues; the truth is, human nature is full of deception. Better to be vulnerable in a group with others who also their vulnerability. Do you have any friends or family members that you do feel comfortable enough to talk to? You need to get a lot of stuff off your chest so you can move on. The ring can be taken back to the jewelers for a refund. Broken engagements happen, sadly everyday. It is actually better that your girlfriend left you now, than divorce you six months after you are married. It just wasn't meant to be.
As for the death of your cousin, there is no comfort but time for that. Losing anyone we love, especially under tragic circumstances, is one of the most difficult things to endure.
The fact that you were hit with two catastrophic emotional events at the same time is truly sad.
Exercise...no kidding. Get out and go for a jog, run, or a good brisk walk in a beautiful place each and everytime you feel bad. You need to work off the grief and do it in a serene, spiritually inspiring place so that your soul gets a work out as well. You will be all right, you will. This is going to take time, and you have to allow yourself to grieve for your losses, just don't allow the grief to consume you. Move on with your life, and make your cousin proud. well, at first i would say, believe and trust in yourself... always think that "things happen for a reason, they dont just happen to be" and take that purpose and make it positive, try to read the bible or other literature that you sure would find encouraging msgs, then dont think about it that much.. i know that it could be hard... then dont call that depression. is just a stage in your life that you have to go trough.. life is not a clean and nice thing, life is cruel. and nobody would hit you as hard as life.. but is not how many times you get hit, its about that when you do get hit,, the courage and resistance and perseverance in you to keep on going forward... ant the ability to not quit, to not led go of yourself, but to keep yourself together... and like i said think positive,,,and don't worry your ex, probably wanst ment to be... and your cousin, i bet he is in a better place than all of us...DO IT for your cosing,, i bet he wouldn't like to see you like this...and neither nobody that loves you... You might need more light. A lot
of people sit in the dark and watch TV
after different tragedies. Or just do that
anyway, sit in the dark. You need to get
as much sun as the weather will allow.
Have lights on at night at home as much
as you can.
If you want to spend the bread, you
can buy a special light for depression.
I use flourescent portable lamps, I have
several in my LR. That is almost like
the special light.
Don't take drugs if you can't help it or
Merck or some other pharmaceutical giant
will make you pay. Depression is physical,
but it isn't like cholesterol, and so meds
can be avoided if you are not suicidal.
If you are suicidal, then get professional
counseling. I'm not. professional, I mean.
As for women......................................
Buen, and good luck with the lights.
/ WRITE.
After having an abusive marriage, being a single Mum; having several life-saving operations and actually dying at one point, I tried counsellors. Some are good, some seem bored and the worst are those who say every-thing is going to be fine.
So I decided to write my life history.
I write as if I am talking to myself, or a very good imaginary friend.
I find - sometimes there was bad in what seemed good times and good in what seemed bad times.
I find the good times seem to be re-lived which is nice.
Sometimes by myself I cry which helps
And I write and write and honestly it HEALS and HELPS. Stay around up-beat, cheerful people
Play music you enjoy - sing with it
Walk/run/jog it off
Look into meditation and yoga
Check out aerobics
Check out St. John's Wort supplements (vitamin aisle)
Watch comedy TV and movies
Phone a friend with a truly great sense of humor
Keep in mind that if your depression does not disappear or lessen, that you may have no choice but to see a doctor or counselor. This is your life we're talking about. My heart goes out to you. Seven years ago the girl I wanted to marry broke my heart. It is the most painful thing I have ever gone through. Even when the days seem dark for you, I want to assure you that God cares about you and wants what is best for you. He loves you (whether you feel it or not), and the Bible's promise is still true: "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. ... The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid" (Hebrews 13:5-6).
Whenever we go through the "storms of life" as I like to call them, we have two choices:walk away from God, or run towards Him. I have done both. I have learned the hard way that ignoring God in life's difficulties doesn't change the circumstances, but it sure does change you in the midst of the circumstances---changes you for the worse!
On the other hand, running toward God in hard times won't always change your circumstances, but it will change you in the midst of your circumstances---change you for the better. I've come to learn that hard times are God's way of getting our attention and calling us to a deeper walk with Him.
We don't always know why some things happen to us鈥攏or do we always know where they came from. God is at work in the world鈥攂ut so is the devil, and we can't blame God for everything that happens to us.
Sometimes, in fact, we are responsible for the bad things that happen to us, because we make wrong decisions or deliberately turn our backs on God and His will for our lives. The Bible says, "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For ... each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed" (James 1:13-14).
But the most important thing I can tell you is this: No matter what happens to us, God is able to take it and use it for our good鈥攊f we let Him. Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and told his father he was dead鈥攂ut instead of being bitter or depressed, Joseph put his life into God's hands. As a result, God used him to save Egypt from famine. Later, after the brothers were reunited, Joseph told them, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" (Genesis 50:20).
Begin by giving your life to Christ and asking Him to come into your heart. Then ask Him to give you the wisdom and strength you need to deal with your hard times. Most of all, ask Him to teach you through these experiences about His constant love. Perhaps, if you could talk about your feelings with a friend or family member it might help. Of course it would have to be someone you would feel comfortable sharing this information with.
There may be some rehab centers or clinics in your area that might be able to help you or give you some recommendations on where you can get help. I'm not sure what they would be listed under (crisis help centers, grief support groups, etc.).
It's good that you are at least seeking answers here because that shows that you have not given up. Don't give up because you will get through this.
I don't think you can do it on your own so if you are not able to deal with it you may want to reconsider counseling (grief counseling, etc.) to help you get through this.
Whatever you do don't resort to destructive behavior like alcohol, drugs, or suicide because those are all bad ways to deal with loss and depression. You don't sound like the kind of person who would do those things, but I thought I should discourage those options just the same.
If it helps at all, I have seen some people suffer great tragedy in their lives (multiple deaths in the family, incurable diseases, etc.) who have been able to live happy productive lives. Of course, I know everyone is different, but it might help you to know that others have been through difficult times and were eventually okay.
Lastly, there are some books about dealing with loss and grief and depression. Visit a book store and brows the self help section, and you may find some books that can help you deal with your loss. Your local public or university library may also have some books.
As far as your girlfriend, sometimes things just don't work out between two people for a variety of reasons. It's better to find out now that you two are not compatible than to get married and end up getting divorced or living in a loveless marriage.
I wish the best for her and you, and I hope that you both can move on and find someone with whom you are compatible with.
I bid you peace. You may be depressed, but I don't believe you are dealing with depression. Everybody has things happen to them that gets them down, and may make them depressed. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but I believe you will make it through just fine. Just keep your head up. Think of positive things, Get out of the house, avoid drugs and limit alcohol. When anything negative pops in your mind, or anything that causes a negative emotion for that matter, than automatically say to yourself "STOP" and block it out of your head. This is how I got over a girl in the past. (while I was dealing with Clinical Depression) You'll do just fine. Keep ya head up! - Take tyrosine (a component of amino). It helps to boost your energy level and therefore motivate you.
- Take vitamin B & C to fuel your brain and combat stress.
- Get plenty of sun.
- Get plenty of exercise to sweat it out and pump oxygen into your brain. If you jog, run as fast as you can until you are out of breath before you stop.
- Analyze your diet. Not enough water or too much acid.
- Meditate by focusing your thoughts on your breathing. Meditate will strengthen your mind.
- Pray a lot. Have faith in the religion of your choice. Believing that someone powerful is willing to help you, strengthen your belief you will recover.
- Use auto suggestion first and last thing in the day : "Everyday in every way, I am getting better and better." Repeat the sentence any time your are free like traveling or waiting. Record and play it to yourself. Say it with positive feeling.
- Don't take anti-depression pills because the pills makes you sleepy but it does not help.
Try yoga with relaxing music in the morning and night. Your body is linked to your mind. Once your body feel great, our mind will improve. Practice for 20 mins daily, and when needed, the method at http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com Meditation room; try it out; mantra meditation; repeat the word: "easy", or gaze at a burning candle in a quiet, darkened room. Tai Chi & yoga suit some. Exercise vigorously for 30 - 60 mins daily, eat healthily & keep occupied. |
