Should I tell him the baby isn't his and break his heart?

I鈥檝e been married now for almost 2 years to an incredible man who means the world to me. The first time we meet was at a restaurant and it was love at first sight. We dated for 2 years before he proposed. His family was convinced I was a gold digger after his money but never said a thing as he threatened to cut them out of his life completely if they didn鈥檛 show me respect. About 6 months into our marriage I started sleeping with my ex-boyfriend who my husband trusted me to spend time with as I insisted we were just friends. This continued for about a year ending about 3 months ago. I was so selfish and self-centered back then not caring how much it would hurt him if he were to find out as long as I got what I wanted never realizing just how lucky I was to be married to someone like that. My husband adores children and has told me time and time again how he couldn鈥檛 wait for us to have a baby of our own without ever putting any pressure on me. I found out 2 months ago I was pregnant and my husband was just ecstatic. I鈥檇 never seen him so happy before. Problem is the baby isn鈥檛 his. The dates don鈥檛 match at all so it鈥檚 definitely my ex鈥檚 baby and considering that my husband trusts me completely he never once doubted the paternity of the baby. Should I tell him and break him heart? It's definitely not his baby. By my calculations the baby would have been conceived some time in the 2 weeks my husband was away on business. My ex is your typical bad boy trust fun baby with no ambition or drive which is why I ended it in the first place. He called as soon as he found out I was pregnant though and assured me that if the baby is his and my husband leaves me he鈥檇 take care of us. Still I鈥檇 much rather my husband be the male role model in the kid鈥檚 life as he鈥檇 make a truly wonderful dad. Should I tell him?

Secrets fester and cause more damage long term the longer they are kept under the skin to boil and infect. As you well know by now, the longer you kept the secret, the harder it became to tell the truth.

You should tell him. You should tell him because he's not only good to you, but he's a human being with free will. You will take away his power to have choices in his life if you continue a secret that will inevitably come to surface at some point in your life. This is the time where you stop making selfish decisions and start treating him like the good person he is. And he deserves truth, doesn't he?

I understand you fearing hurting him, but continuing to treat him like a fool will only compound the damage over time. It may hurt him now, but the long term deception will hurt even more.

You also have to think about the baby. The baby will have a right to know who the genetic father is. You will be deceiving two people you love very much and cause them both pain. Not to mention, if you have more children you, that you will have to keep up the charade and lie to. I just don't see it ever ending.

I will not go into judgement of you because this is an issue as old as time itself and you are not the first to have done this. However, it's time to behave like a grownup now and make mature responsible choices. It's better to come clean and start with a new slate.

Would you want to know if it happened to you? Would you like to have power and choices in your life? Would you want to be treated like a fool for the next 20 years or beyond? Your husband sounds like a strong person to stand up to his family. You will have to trust in his strength to deal with the hurt. Of course, he will be hurt. Of course, the future with him may be uncertain. You will have to deal with that and work with him on that. But you can't barter the price of your soul for a false sense of giving him peace of mind.

Perhaps, you will be able to renew a different and better relationship with him. You obviously lost something somewhere for him or never had it to begin with.

unfortunately yes...if he finds out after the baby is born he will be even more heartbroken that you went all this time knowing and never toldhim

Yes, especially since your ex-boyfriend already knows. My guess is that if you don't tell your husband your ex will. If you really want to stay with your husband, the news may be a little easier to take coming from you. He may be able to forgive you and want to be with you and the baby. However, your ex may still want rights to the baby and legally he is entitled to them. You have yourself quite a mess. Good luck.

do you seriously want to lie to him for the rest of yalls lives? i think you should tell him. you would if you really loved him. a good relationship is based on honesty.

He's a good person and deserves to know regardless. If he's so great, he may accept it as his own anyway, but you'd better be prepared to pay a price. To cheat with an ex for that long was selfish, and wrong. The truth always comes out in the end, don't wait for it to rear it's ugly head 10 years down the road where it could ruin your unborn child's happiness. Clear the air now and deal with the consequences, it'll be much worse later.

First, take a paternity test to be one hundred percent sure. Then, if you find out it's not his for sure, tell him. I really hope the ex thing is over thoguh because it seems like your husband is a nice guy and if you tell him, make sure it's with complete understanding that you are done with the ex, but only if you are.

Wow.. I definatley feel for you.. as I surely wouldnt want to be put in your shoes! The thing is.. do you think you could live with that guilt for the rest of your life? And what if the kid comes out looking like your ex and you having to explain it then.. or if there was some kind of medical condition that would require your ex involved. I understand you not wanting to hurt your husbands feelings.. but if he loves you as much as you say he does.. then at first he will be devastated.. but still there for you in the long run.. right? So my advice is.. I would tell him. Tell him you realize the mistake you made and how selfish you were.. and then go get Counsling! The other thing though.. is his Family! That wont go over with them to well! Im sure they would give you a very hard time! But its not about them.. its about you and your husband and that little one! So think long and hard what you will tell him and do it.. because it will hurt that much more when it comes out later... everything eventually does! Good Luck

First confirm the father. If the BF is the father, let your husband know. Be prepared that this may result in a divorce. You were adulterous from almost the start of your marriage, and your husband may never be able to have complete trust in you again. This can't be undone and may not be the best environment for raising a kid in. Since you keep returning to your BF, maybe you are really meant to be with him and should love him for who he is despite his faults? He's most likely going to be a part of your life for the next 20 years no matter what, right? Maybe he's the one who should really be helping to raise the kid. I feel bad for your husband. He sounds like a good guy who doesn't deserve any of this. The longer you put this off, the more its going to hurt him.

You have to understand at some point in time the truth is bound to come out. That can be in a year or 10 years from now. The longer you keep this secret the more people you will include in the circle of deception and the more pain you will inflict on all of them. This is including your husband, your innocent child, the biological father and all of the extended family members. In actuality, it is really not an option to disclose the truth, but a moral and ethical obligation to be honest. Your husband deserves the truth and more importantly the child does not deserve to be born amidst a web of lies and deciet brought on by his mother's selfish motivation. As hard as it is going to be to break your husband's heart, in the end he will respect you and be grateful that you had the conviction to choose not to mislead him. I would let him know everything you have disclosed to us -- the fact that it is he who you love, it is he that you would like to create a family with. This man will do one of two things:
1. He will leave you. or 2. He will forgive you and accept the child and agree to raise the baby together as a family. Obviously you will hope he chooses the latter, but what is important is that whatever decision made is one that is genuine and sincere and will be made in truth and honesty -- you ALL deserve only that. Good luck to you and I wish you all the strength and the best for you and your baby!

Here are your choices...If you really love him, get off Yahoo and tell him everything. He deserves the truth. If he is willing to stay, then the healing will begin. If he is too hurt, then take your chances with ex-boyfriend, who needs to take responsibility for his mistakes.
If you keep it from him, he will eventually find out later. If you aren't the one to tell him, it will be 10 times worse for you if he finds out after the baby is born from some other means. By then, he will love that kid as his own and your manipulation of him will be complete. He will stay with you for the baby that isn't his with a woman he can't trust. And that will destroy a good man.

tricky...
if you keep lying to your husband, the truth will come sooner or later. So it is always better being you to tell him the truth.
Surely you will hurt him, so it's better to confirm who is the real father...
Good luck...

Lying makes it worst. Lies are like plants, once the seed is planted it gets watered, then the roots spread out and strongly anchor it which makes it harder to pluck up. The truth hearts, but it liberates you. The definition of love involves trust and truth. If you love him you would tell him. You never know, he may forgive you.

Be prepared it will hurt him and he will probably be angry - but I bet he will appreciate your honesty. Don't disrespect him by giving the ex the upper hand (because he knows), always put your hubby first.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

Good Luck.

I'm sorry, your story makes me feel sick.
Of course you should tell your husband. I don't understand why you slept with you your ex. I just don't. Didn't you feel guilty or did you just brush it off?

WHY did you marry him?

Won't you feel guilty letting him believe it's his first child?

As far as I'm concerned. Paternity tests are getting more and more common these days. You wouldnt want him to find out that way.

No one deserves to start a family on such a lie of a relationship.

It is a tricky situation, and everyone makes mistakes. But I think you need to be upfront with your husband. It may seem horrible to tell him, but think of the guilt you will have if you never do.

Best of luck and I hope everything works out. Congratulations on the baby.

Absolutely, he has every right to know. Tell him, beg his forgiveness and hope he can find it in his heart. If not, I guess the saying goes, you made your bed, ......
Much Luck

YOU ARE TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!I HATE WHAT YOU DID AND IT SOUNDS AS IF YOU QUITE POSSIBLY OUR THE GOLD DIGGER HIS PARENTS AND FAMILY WARNED HIM ABOUT.
SHAME ON YOU!!!!ABSOLUTELY TELL HIM WHAT YOU DID.
YOU DESERVE TO BE W/ THE BABY DADDY PIECE OF CRAP, FOR HOOKING UP W/ THE EX IN THE FIRST PLACE.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME WANNA THROW UP

It sounds to me like you aren't 100% sure yourself who the father is. I would have a paternity test first. You can get one through mail order and then you can be sure before you break any hearts.

I think you should tell him. Things will be better for all involved in the long run. If he REALLY loves you, then he will stick by you reguardless. If not, then you know he doesn't love you as much as you thought he did. Nothing gets in the way of true love. There may be things like this that will test your love for each other, but if it's true love, nothing can harm it.

Most important of all, end it with the ex. You had a reason for him being the ex in the first place, so why keep having a relationship with him?

I HAVE SET HERE AND READ YOUR STORY TWICE AND I AM GETTING SICK TO MY STOMACH JUST THINKING ABOUT YOUR NASTY SELF TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO BE HONEST I HOPE YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES YOU. YOU SURE DIDN'T TAKE YOUR VOWS SERIOUSLY GO PRAY FOR YOURSELF AND MAYBE GOD WILL GIVE YOU ANSWER

Absolutely! Sometimes the things that are the hardest to say and do means it's the right thing to say or do....Good luck with this............Maybe your husband will be forgiving.......You need to not break your marriage vows again , that was very wrong.......Be honest with your husband, I think that you owe him that much a least......Not telling him would be even worse.....He deserves to know. You treat other people in the same respect that you would want to be treated.

I'm afraid I disagree with everyone here. I think you should decide who you are in love with. If it's not your husband, leave him and put an end to all this. If it is your husband, then why should he suffer for what you have done? End it with your ex and let your husband be the proud father he deserves to be. You're the only one who should feel the pain.

Of course you should tell him! If you want to make up for being so selfish before, and you calim to have grown up since then, then own up to it. Not only does your husband deserve to know, so does the child and his biological father. By lying you are not just screwing up one life, but THREE lives, and in my opinion it is not your right to make that kind of decision.

you have to realize that whatever you do, the truth is just eventually going to come out.if i was in your position, i would choose to tell him for several reasons:
1. you should always be honest
2.you have to suffer the consequences of your actions
3.the longer you keep it a secret, the worse the secret gets and the less trust your husband has in you
4. he's eventually gonna find out
5. your baby deserves to know who his/her father is
6. if he truly loves you, then he will understand, forgive you, and the two of you might still stay together
advice: just tell him, but don't blame him if he gets mad or leaves you because i would be pretty pissed off also if my husband cheated on me with his ex and then got a child with her.
i wish the best for your resationship for it seems like you truly do love him.

he has a right to know and so does the father

If your ex- is a bad boy and your husband is a good provider then leave things alone bite your tongue and take it to the grave. Shame on you for not using protection knowing that there are so many deseases out there.

You need help. Allot of it. So does your unborn child.Will the child be able to trust you later on?
I think the last thing your husband would like from you is pity.
You obviously are incapable of making intelligent decisions
How can you put such an important decision out here for feed back from people that you don`t know?
The very fact that I am here giving you my opinion on something I really don`t know anything about except to react in anger to something that would really hurt me if I were in the same situation. How could I be objective? Who knows how much baggage each of us have?
I think that any one of us that would try to give you some advice should be talking to a shrink ourselves!
Please seek professional help! Some kind of group therapy
perhaps. Do it soon! Like tomorrow! I will try to get a life myself.
.
PS . Do You Have a Problem with Alcohol?

You have to tell him, my dear. You have fooled him long enough. The truth will set you free. If he forgave you and took the baby as his own, you'd be very happy. If he could not forgive you, you still have your ex to fall back on.

man...your a sucker for punishment...sorry yea you should tell your husband becaus esooner or later that so called ex of yours is going to come along and want to be a part of his baby's life. Maybe after you you tell your hsuband than maybe you'll get your head out of your butt. Because I still think its in there. If your husband meant alot to you you wouldnt have cheat on him for a FULL YEAR! I feel so sorry for you right now. Im sorry but i dont care for people like that. Screw their exs then still insist that their husbands/wives are the number one loves in their lives. GOOD luck girl...time to move on with your life and deal with the consequnces. also, watch some Dr. Phill. or apply to go on stage with him.

ok damn this **** is crazy 4real! n-e wayz... i wanna know why u cheated on ur husband in the 1st place if u love him so much and he means the world to u... i mean damn thats kinda fucked up but w/e i mean thats u i guess.... i believe u should tell your husband that, that is yours ex's baby cuz sooner or later hes gonna find out right? i mean thats common sense not to be a ***** or anything but damn..... i mean thats pretty messed up cuz ur husband trusted u w/ ur ex ya know! why would u mess that up with your husband that u 4real love? right? but if i was u i would tell my husband cuz he does have a right to know considering he is your husband so yea!! good luck tho!

omg why if u were so happy and in love would u sleep ex u make no sense and uh duh if he thinks the baby is and to think he wanted to cut his parents out of his life for u and them u wander if u should tell him of course he should know it will be the least u could do

SHAME on you; you should leave this man as the only good act that you have made in the relationship. He deserves better.