Ignorant, mean jealous widow--How can I still love her?

My husband's grandmother raised him from the time that he was 2. She is bossy, self-centered, envious and petty. Still, he loves her deeply--and admittedly the grandmother can have an affectionate side to herself when she wants to.

Unfortunately, she lost her husband a few months ago. Since that time her behavior has become even more petty and spiteful. She throws temper tantrums and disrespects us. For example, the other day she said, "You two get your butts over her and tell me what you all are doing!" Hello? My husband and I in our 30s! When I told her to mind her own business, she started screaming and slapping the kitchen table.

So, how do you remain affectionate and helpful to someone who is turning into a hellish shrew? I want to love her--forgive her for her ways, but I can't tolerate being yelled at, disrespected etc.

Still, my husband is semi-depressed because we are not on speaking terms with her right now. I know we've got to strike a reasonable balance. How?

She might be starting to suffer emotional difficulties that come along with age. dimentia, alzheimers, etc can all affect people's ability to focus, solve problems, feel confident, etc. and those skills are necessary to function well in society. there are family based help groups available to families of aging people with these problems. maybe going to one of them would provide an outlet for your frustration and help you guys to see that this is a common situation. and you would learn some techniques to help her manage everything thats changing in her life.

or, if she's just nasty, ignore her when she is wrong and respond affectionately when she acts nicely. people can be pretty simple that way - if they get a reaction, even if its a negative one, it makes them happy. so ignore her when she is a bit** and she'll learn that behavior is not effective.

Your husbands heart is where it should be! His grandmother has raised him out of the goodness of her heart, and now when she needs him most, he is trying to teach her a lesson!!
I still feel for the lady, even though she's being a shrew, but she is also probably feeling really bad. The people you are closest too, are usually the people you take your emotions out on. Inside she is probably hurting. I see no harm in telling her nicely that it hurts your feelings when she yells and screams at you! Send her a card and tell her if you can't tell her up front, but don't forget to mention how much you love her too. Remember if it wasn't for her deep love, your husband would of been one lost little boy!!