I don鈥檛 want to lose a 20 year friendship over a $100 bassinet? b/c her mom left a nasty message!!!

Growing up her parents was like my own parents we did everything together. During last 10 years since becoming parents we鈥檝e always gave each other baby items we no longer have any use for. Growing up she鈥檚 always had more than me; it鈥檚 NEVER bothered me. I have a great husband who鈥檚 a successful business man. Now since we鈥檙e both grown, have our own lives; the roles have reversed. I know the mother isn鈥檛 too happy about that; just knowing her and knowing how she operates. No one is not supposed to have more; she spent our childhood trying to outdo the other kids whose parents were able to provide more. The life I鈥檓 living should be her daughter鈥檚. With our last child; who鈥檚 19 months old. My husband made a business decision that caused us to hit a temporary slump for about a few months. The decision he made was a very good one but not at the time. So, I disclosed our financial woes at the time with my best friend. Things were just tight; I couldn鈥檛 go out and spend like I was used to doing but could buy for the children to include the new baby that would be here soon.
Long story short; as I鈥檝e shared we鈥檝e always passed down baby items we no longer used. She gave me a bassinet and baby clothes. Not aware of that I was expected to return the bassinet; I begin to receive phones about returning the bassinet. My daughter hated it anyway and we never used it. They live about 2 hours away. So we had conflicting schedules to find the time to meet up to just give it back and be done with the drama. So the last time I heard anything from them was when the mother called; left a very nasty message on our vm indicating how my husband couldn鈥檛 afford to buy his daughter a bassinet, blah, etc. Again, we were doing what we鈥檝e always done. My husband never says anything about anyone but took offense to the message she left and retaliated by responding back. Throughout the years we have helped them tremendously sent money, paid for school books and helped out financially when needed. My husband鈥檚 comments weren鈥檛 the nicest but I believe and stand by my husband that this could have been avoided if the mother hadn鈥檛 left the message she left. It was uncalled for. The mother can be very nasty to other people; believes she can say and treat people how she feels without there being any consequences. I believe you get what you put out. Now it鈥檚 been almost a year; haven鈥檛 heard from my friend and even went as far as emailing her letting her know I don鈥檛 want to lose a friendship over a measly $100 bassinet. If it would help I鈥檒l just send a $100 along with the bassinet. I included if she would just reply back with the address and I鈥檒l send both. What should I do? We鈥檙e talking about a bassinet. Oh yeah, I failed to included the only time I really hear from them is when there鈥檚 a crisis or they need something. Over the last two years my friend would just call to just talk but the mother. Anytime she would call you would know there was something wrong. It may be for the best鈥ut鈥 miss my friend!

thanks beckyw..good advice!

If you can be friends without seeing the mother, it's worth it, otherwise, I'm thinking the 2hr distance is a blessing.

Why don't you call your friend, and start by saying 'look, I really miss you, I'm sorry about all that stuff with the basinet - can we meet up for lunch and a chat and I'll bring it back?' Then take the basinet, and some flowers, and make the peace without your husband or her mother interfering.

If she responds negatively, I would just say 'I'm really sorry things have turned out this way, perhaps it's best if I just return the basinet?' and return it with some flowers saying 'i miss you' and see what happens.

If the friendship is that important to you, be prepared to do a little grovelling to get it back on track, but sometimes some friendships are best left to fade, especially if her mother seems to harbour some grievances against you - if she is unable to put them aside, they will surface again and again and make things difficult.