What should or can I do? about my marriage. I truly feel misunderstood.

My wife just posted a note on here a few hours ago. I know this because she told me. And read it to me. Based on what she had submitted i would agree with every ones comments that she should run (divorce). However i made every effort to tell my wife that i was hurt that she seen me that way. Yet the way she sees me truly is not the case. First she thinks i hide her keys to keep her from going to work. Or leaving her car door open for the battery to weaken. Next that i don't want her to have any friends. and want to be more important than her children. And that i drink so much and that i am so mean to her.
I am very proud of my wife and all she has been able to do at her job. Not to mention the money that she makes we depend on for the life style we have (which is nice). My wife has went out with her friends and i have encourage her to do that. I truly have no problem with her doing that at all. As she stated she did go on a business trip with her company ( which these are the same girls she goes out with) and she said she had a really great time. I did ask her who all was there. She alread had told me what all the had learned there. so i thought that was covered. I did say i was jealous that that they go to the bars and have a great time. That i would like to be included sometime. she responed by saying that i was to jealous that when they ask for other men to buy them drinks, I would get upset. She went on to say that other peoples husbands or boyfreinds don't have a problem with their wifes or girlfriend doing that. I have to be honest yes i would be upset about that. Plus i am the only one not invited to these get togethers. Not that i even want to go to a bar with her and her friends. And i did't find out that they flirt with other men until tonight. But i was just thought it would be nice to have a get together and i be a part of it some time. not every time just some time. My wife is a awesome mother and i would never think of coming before the kids. we both have made a great deal of sacifices for them and i love them dearly. I thought the disagreements we had on getting the kids things were normal. i guess not. As far as me wanting things, My wife controls the money so if we had extra, then uh i want something to. Did't think it was such a big deal.
It is true that i will drink up to (4 to 5) 6 packs a week. I come home my wife is on the computer doing catch up work or watching big brother after dark which is 3 hours long. Then she for the most part watch tv and spending time with her means i watch what she does. Which sometimes i deal orther times i drink to pass the night away. I cook dinner most of the time cause my wife has already ate or don't eat. I clean the house which my wife does't cosider a big deal cause its my house too. More often than not i do most of the cleaning and think it's a little unfair. so yes i drink and state my feelings more freely. Since my wife posted her message. I have promise not to drink any more.
I don't want to control my wife in any way shape or form. I try in every way to make her happy. I don't go to bars, I do alot of the house work and spend MY guys night out taken the kids out. I would like to feel important to her. For her to want to be a part of my life and do things with me maybe once a month have a date night. and allow me to be a part of her world other than the tv.
I have spoke to my wife about all this and she just don't beleive me at all. she has told me she wants a divorce and that she hates me and no longer loves me. Yet is still here at home. I am now in the guess bedroom. I love my wife and true we have problems. I don't want to get a divorce or for her to continue to see me as she does. I thought i was doing all the right things to be a great husband and step dad. she has made it very clear i am not.
We have talked about going to a marriage counsler and yet never have address and problems at all. now on the verge of divorce i don't know what more i can do and still not sure (other than the false problems) what more i can do.

I work 50 hrs a week, my wife works 30 out of the home and 20 in home. and my guys night out is with the kids.

Give her time to cool off. Ease into the conversation tomorrow when you have time to sit and discuss your problems. Ask her what you can do to make her happy and actually improve on what you're lacking. Let her know that you feel left out sometimes and would like to spend more time with her, not because you're being nosy and jealous, but because you love and miss her. Don't attack or criticize her for her choices or she'll get defensive. Be patient and make her feel appreciated, but also let her know your needs as well.

I think its very important for the two of you to go to a marriage counselor or therapist. It sounds as if your wife is trying to lead two lives, one as a single woman and another as a married woman. I know very few men or women or think its o.k. for their wife/husband to go to the bars without them. But I'm sure the problem is much deeper than what I can see in your letter or perhaps even what you and your wife know. I don't know how long you've been married or what other problems you may have but please consider the children and what's best for them. I hope you guys get some help for your family......check your phone book for listings of counselors or call your Mental Health Clinic (they will usually have something available) If your wife won't go with you maybe you'll benefit yourself.

I'm sorry for your pain. To me, it is clear that you really do love your wife. It certainly sounds like you are doing everything you can.

Based on what you said here, it sounds to me like she needs a reality check. I think she needs to be more considerate of your feelings on the whole girls night out thing. I mean, you are being good to her on that from what I can tell. She could surely include you once in a great while. Doesn't she care about how you feel?

I think it might have helped to see her question too. That way we might know what some of this was about. I'm confused about you being on the defensive about wanting some of the money, etc. I will say that if there is extra money to go around, you should get some of it too. It sounds like she feels the need to control here to me, not you.

All that is really left to do is to go to a counselor yourself and see if he or she can give you some insight as to what to do in this situation. They are professionals and can really help. If you dont' choose to do that, I would say just make it clear to her how you feel, make sure she knows that you won't be drinking anymore. It wouldn't hurt to mention that you might go talk to a professional on your own, but would love for her to go. She may just need to know how serious you really are about it. Good luck to you! Hope things work out.

She may not want to be married any more, but she needs a new perspective. Go to counseling together. Be the kind of husband that she can respect as much as you respect her. Show her that you will do what you need to for the preservation of your marriage.

Stopping drinking is obviously a positive. I didn't see the prior sub by your wife so I cant comment on that. You obviously have serious issues. One thing to mention - my wife does alot of trips also - I do some, at these events its very customary for a great deal of flirting to occur, but its treated as "safe flirting" in that no one follows up on anything. Jealousy etc needs to be controlled a bit and you don't indicate why you don't have a job.

first of all her girl nite out is just that,never ask to go out with your wife and her friends,thats a big no-no, do you work or stay home if you stay home then you should do more if you work then you both share the house work, as far as your step kids,they are just that you are not obligated to stay home all the time and babysit,if you drink alot then it means you got problems stop the drinking or cut it down to a guys nite out.set her up with a nice dinner for two no kiddos,fill her fantasy for one nite,if she's unwilling to make an effort then she probably has found someone more interesting and wants to be with the other.

Look I think u have done everything u can do for her, the ball is in her court, if she really loves u then maybe what u could use is a break and let times sort things out and both of u decide if u both want this to work cz u can't do it all. If it is meant to be then love will find away to bring u two together again.

Just because you think the problems are false does no mean they are is SHE feels it's a problem then IT IS a problem FOR HER! u need counseling witch is something i rarely recomend but in this case it is needed u can do it free in a church FYI