Wedding invitation ettiquette? Was this rude?

Yesterday I received an invitation to wedding. The groom-to-be is a relative. It was addressed to Ms. Sally Smith, rather than to my formal name of Mrs. Richard Smith. My husband is deceased and while Ms. is appropriate in business situations, I'm really put off being called Ms. in such formal social situations.

Also, I live halfway across the country and was not even invited to bring a guest. Are these folks rude or is it me?

Oh, just in case anyone is wondering, I'm not really old or anything, early 40s.

it is proper to address the invitation to yourself, though a widower is usual addressed as you have stated, u r correct, and guest, otherwise you are not properly given the option to invite someone.

this has happened to me several times, only to show up and be asked why i never brought a date. after explaining this to the newlyweds they always give me the deer in the headlights stare and say, "no, no, you were supposed to tell us who you were bringing, you can always bring a date."

i wish people would wake up and get a clue when writing invitations.

I can definitely see your point, and I am sorry for your loss. The thing with your relative and invitation is that the engaged couple probably thought about it quite a bit before deciding on how to address you and if they should invite a guest for you. It's a difficult situation, and they may have been thinking that since your husband passed, you would not like to bring a guest. That's presumptuous, of course, but it's an idea. Maybe they felt that addressing the invitation to your late husband's name would seem offensive or rude to you. I'm not sure, but I do think that you could bring a guest either way, as long as you make them aware.

Sometimes in situations like that, were someone deceased is involved, people aren't really sure how to address the other person. And usually they decide to go with something more neutral, like calling you Ms. Sally Smith rather than by your married name. While this may be offensive to you, I think their intentions weren't meant to be rude. They were uninformed of your preference and probably thought they were doing the right thing. I would let that go. Personally, I would be offended if i was addressed by my "husbands" name. That seems so sexist.

However, not being able to bring a guest seems odd? Could this be a mistake on their part? Or, perhaps they simply don't have a lot of money and can't afford to have extra people. Some people prefer a small wedding with only those they know and that is their right to choose to do so. Again, I don't hink it's a matter of being rude. I just think they are trying to keep within a budget, which is fair. I would also let this go.