WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
_____
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the men ,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?"
_____
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The
salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he
is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he
deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the
counter.
She says: confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin
of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own...so does she."
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
_____
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day - 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!" _____
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM" and left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece . HAHA! I love the Silent Treatment and the Wife vs. Husband! Thanks....those were funny! wow that was brill lols.....
i have tears down my eyes......... O man thats too funny..... Thanks for making my day.... LOLOLOLOLOL!!! EXCELLENT! Thank you for making me laugh today! |
